Posts
Letters to Lisa Part 3
I see White People!
Dateline: everyday
Dear Lisa,
I’m still trying to get my brain around some parts of Taiwan culture. The only that I find most difficult and troubling is the notion that to be white is to be beautiful and the whiter the better.
Growing up, I was always …. different. I was often accused of wanting to be white. While I fully admit that when I was a kid there were times I often had much difficulty in expressing or identifying with my afro-centricity, BUT, I never wanted to be white. I knew that there was more the word had to offer than what I was getting in my neighborhood. I genuinely believed Jessie Jackson back in 1978 when he said, “you might have been born in the ghetto, but the ghetto wasn’t born in you.” I say all of that to give context to the rest of this letter. I’m different in America, but I am definitely Black. My whole experience in the world revolves around being Black, Male, and born at a time when segregation was still the law of the land in America.
Now you know me. I ain’t got no beef with white people. But I do like who I am. I know racism is still a critical issue in American, in spite of Barrack Obama being elected president. This is something Taiwan people really have a tough time understanding. They really America in it’s purest, most ideal, best.
Taiwan is a very, very small island. I once said that Chicago was close to my home. Maybe only an 8 hour drive. They were shocked that I considered that close. You drive 8 hours in Taiwan and you will either be in the Sea of Japan, the Pacific Ocean, or you’ve drive around the whole island 1 and a third times!! Meaning, Taiwan is very homogeneous. They have different (races for lack of a better term). There are Taiwanese, Hakka, and Aboriginal, Taiwan’s Indians, people. But culturally, they are all very much the same. America, by contrast, is a mish-mash of people from everywhere, and while we are all American, we do have very different cultures based on race, geography, original country of origin. You get the idea.
But we’ve also worked pretty hard to rid America of the notion that one color of skin is superior than another. That is NOT the case in Taiwan. Whiter is better, period, end of discussion. AND White people (foreigners) definitely get preferential treatment. They know it and act accordingly. I know my Taiwan friends will cringe and strongly protest that I’ve said such a thing. But from my perspective and more importantly my experience in Taiwan, I say it IS a true statement, made without malice or discontent.
Now, having said that, does it mean, they don’t like me because I’m black, NO. Black people are seen largely through the view of stereotypes. We’re strong, good athletes, good singers and dancers. All qualities that Taiwanese people really like! And even some famous black actors and sings are seen as handsome or beautiful. But if given the choice to ‘look like’ me or a white person, they would choose the white person. There is a saying in Chinese, “one white can cure/cover three uglies.” I wonder were this thinking comes from? But, I do say have very dear and special friends in Taiwan. I have a good life because of them.
I have talked to Chinese people about white people in the context of beauty and the most beautiful women are white, blond hair and blue eyes. I have even seen this play out with Taiwan boys all mid 20’s. This white girl walked by and they all got giddy and excited!! My response was, “DUDE!! Cut it out! There was nothing special about that girl. In my home that girl was totally average. She looked ok, but nothing worth that response.” Columbia is a total college town. You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a cute white girl with blond hair. So I was totally under-whelmed. But you would have thought a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model just walked by. And just for the record, they say pretty much the same thing to me when I talk about the beauty of Chinese women.
The next mark of beauty is thin. But that’s a letter for another day.
In the meantime, I will continue to try and understand the beauty of white. Recently I heard a conversation between two women. I am NOT making this up! It went like this….
Woman Number 1: Hi, Nice to meet you.
Woman Number 2: Hi, Nice to meet you too.
Woman Number 1: You are so white.
Woman Number 2: Thank You!! (Big Smile)
Yeah, I’m NEVER gonna understand that. I am so tempted to say it when I see a friend. I wonder what she will say?
D
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Letter to Lisa part 4
Letter to Lisa Part 4
Chinese Teacher, “The Other Woman” and Chinese Culture
Dateline: March
Dear Lisa,
I don’t have a Chinese Teacher anymore. My teacher is a graduate student in Astronomy. Studying astro-physics isn’t easy on a simple day, but her workload has increase as she is getting close to graduating this summer and she has to finish her thesis. I’m kinda bummed about this. I wasn’t always the best student, but knowing I had a lesson on Saturday did keep me a little honest.
Mei-Ling is a very good teacher and friend. I’ll miss meeting with her very much.
You remember back in February I told you there was a Taiwanese woman I liked. At this point, I give up. She is what people would say is very beautiful in a Chinese way. Meaning she looks very Chinese, not Taiwanese. Yeah, I know it difficult to understand, but living here I sort of get. I think it is part of what I can only say is Taiwan’s schizophrenic relationship to Mainland China. Anyway, the nut has been too difficult to crack. She is in her 40’s like me, never married and very very nice, but also very shy. I just don’t know what to do or say more. I can’t tell if she likes me or not. People give me advice but I never know what to do. You see, the advice of others also changes with different people and sometimes even with the same people.
It is always a moving target. I’m sure it makes some sense to Chinese people, but to me the women here are a complete mystery. Understanding American women was no walk in the park for me, but at least I understood the cultural boundaries. In Taiwan, all bets are off. Man/Woman “friendship” and dating is beyond me. But I know there’s hope. There just has to be. This is another case, sadly, where white is definitely a preference. Goofy looking, loser white guys can get a “girlfriend” here with seemingly little effort.
Again, I can only say that it seems to be something embedded in Taiwan culture that I haven’t unlocked yet. But, in time, I’ll figure it out.
Time is my friend.
Darryl
Chinese Teacher, “The Other Woman” and Chinese Culture
Dateline: March
Dear Lisa,
I don’t have a Chinese Teacher anymore. My teacher is a graduate student in Astronomy. Studying astro-physics isn’t easy on a simple day, but her workload has increase as she is getting close to graduating this summer and she has to finish her thesis. I’m kinda bummed about this. I wasn’t always the best student, but knowing I had a lesson on Saturday did keep me a little honest.
Mei-Ling is a very good teacher and friend. I’ll miss meeting with her very much.
You remember back in February I told you there was a Taiwanese woman I liked. At this point, I give up. She is what people would say is very beautiful in a Chinese way. Meaning she looks very Chinese, not Taiwanese. Yeah, I know it difficult to understand, but living here I sort of get. I think it is part of what I can only say is Taiwan’s schizophrenic relationship to Mainland China. Anyway, the nut has been too difficult to crack. She is in her 40’s like me, never married and very very nice, but also very shy. I just don’t know what to do or say more. I can’t tell if she likes me or not. People give me advice but I never know what to do. You see, the advice of others also changes with different people and sometimes even with the same people.
It is always a moving target. I’m sure it makes some sense to Chinese people, but to me the women here are a complete mystery. Understanding American women was no walk in the park for me, but at least I understood the cultural boundaries. In Taiwan, all bets are off. Man/Woman “friendship” and dating is beyond me. But I know there’s hope. There just has to be. This is another case, sadly, where white is definitely a preference. Goofy looking, loser white guys can get a “girlfriend” here with seemingly little effort.
Again, I can only say that it seems to be something embedded in Taiwan culture that I haven’t unlocked yet. But, in time, I’ll figure it out.
Time is my friend.
Darryl
Letter to Lisa part 5
Letters to Lisa Part 5
Pubs, Discos, and Bars
Dateline: everyday
Dear Lisa,
I have two basic groups of friends in Taiwan. I have Pub friends and non-pub friends. My non-pub friends are quite literally shocked when I tell them there are pubs in Jhongli. I am quite literally shocked in return at this acknowledgement. I’ve had this conversation many times with non-pub friends:
Me: I’m going to the Pub tonight.
Friend: There are pubs in Jhongli?
Me: You’re joking right?!
Friend: No. Really. There are pubs in Jhongli?
Me: You are from Jhongli, right.
Friend. Yes.
Me: You grew up here, right?
Friend: Right.
Me: And you have no idea that there are pubs in Jhongli?!
Friend: Really. Where are pubs located in Jhongli?
Me: About a 3 minute walk from here.
Friend: REALLY?!?!
Me: REALLY!!
Friend: How many pubs?
Me: In 3 minutes you can walk to umm…(thinking) 6 pubs. That’s not counting the “bad” KTV’s.
Friend: “Bad” KTV’s?
Me: Stay focused, that’s another conversation, but yes, bad ktv.
Friend: OK, 6 pubs in three minutes walking.
Me: Yeah, but I walk like Taiwan people ride motor scooters. You walking might be 7 minutes.
Friend: (Laughing)
Me: In 3 minutes, I can get to 6 pubs. If I walk 10 minutes I can get to 20 pubs. Again, not counting the bad KTV’s.
Friend: 20?!?!
Me: Dude, I’ve been in Taiwan 1 year. You’ve been here your whole life. How do you not know this?!
Friend: 20 pubs. How do you know where all the pubs are? I get bored and walk everywhere. I’m learning my world in Taiwan. In my world, there are pubs. I thought it was normal.
Friend: No, it’s not normal.
Me: Trust me. It’s normal. There are 20 pubs, just in this area. People in Taiwan drink their asses off. Especially men. Trust me.
Friend: You know drinking is bad for health.
Me: Stop! I’m a grown man. Don’t give me lecture on drinking.
Friend: Ok, sorry.
Me: No Problem. Thanks for caring.
Pub is a universal name for a place to go get a drink. There are three basic types. I’ve been to all three here in Jhongli. There is what I would call a bar in America. You might even call it a Pub. You go in sit drink, shoot the shit with your friends or sit alone at the bar and talk to the bar tender or other customers. Then there is the Pub/Disco. Yes, they use the term disco here, ugh. I would say night club or club. Someplace like Déjà vu. There’s drink and dancing. Don’t waste your money going to those places here in Jhongli. The cover charge is way too high. It’s supposed to be all you can drink. But you spend the whole night standing in line to get a damn drink. Seriously, there’s always in the neighborhood of 30-40 people standing in line for a drink and service is terrible. The music is at a decibel that I have never heard before. I made the mistake of going on a school night my first time and I couldn’t hear my students in my first two classes. My ears were just numb. Additionally, don’t go there because people in Jhongli are too shy to dance. The whole scene is very surreal. There is a dj that puts on a show, of bad mixes, and maybe some girl dancers. In Taiwan, it’s considered sexy. In the US, nowhere close to sexy. It’s somewhere in the range of dance team in short skirts with a bikini. The guys think it’s so hot and I yawn thinking, what’s the big deal. It’s a big big, cultural difference.
(As a quick aside, I once described an American strip club to some friends here. The looks on their faces were a mix of shock and horror. It was a slightly better, when I remembered to explain a dollar in America is paper money. Here a dollar is a coin. A completely different mental image. Hahaha!!!! Based on the trauma I caused that day, I don’t talk about strip joints anymore. I am continually amazed at how naïve some of my friends are. Again, a big cultural difference from America.)
OK, lastly, what is most commonly known as a pub in Taiwan, is a place where you can go have a drink, but there is a girl that will come and sit with you and have conversation. That’s all, just conversation, or maybe play some drinking games. The place where I go most often now is this type of pub. It’s a chance for me to try my Chinese, learn a different aspect of Taiwan’s culture, and meet new friends. Remember I’m a Panda. So, there is almost always someone interested in at least having a drink with me. If it’s busy and there’s no one to talk to, I study my Chinese. Yes, I’m a goof and take my Chinese book to the pub with me. If I run out of conversation, the girls will practice with me. They learn a little English, I get some Chinese practice, it’s all good.
Does it mean anything that I study better in a pub than I do in a coffee shop? That wouldn’t never happened in the US that’s for sure.
I’ve been told the pub/bar scene in Taipei is different. It is a lot more western. I don’t know and don’t care. Jhongli is my town, my home in Taiwan. Taipei has little to offer me. Especially if I gotta hang out with western people. More on that later.
See ya later,
D
Pubs, Discos, and Bars
Dateline: everyday
Dear Lisa,
I have two basic groups of friends in Taiwan. I have Pub friends and non-pub friends. My non-pub friends are quite literally shocked when I tell them there are pubs in Jhongli. I am quite literally shocked in return at this acknowledgement. I’ve had this conversation many times with non-pub friends:
Me: I’m going to the Pub tonight.
Friend: There are pubs in Jhongli?
Me: You’re joking right?!
Friend: No. Really. There are pubs in Jhongli?
Me: You are from Jhongli, right.
Friend. Yes.
Me: You grew up here, right?
Friend: Right.
Me: And you have no idea that there are pubs in Jhongli?!
Friend: Really. Where are pubs located in Jhongli?
Me: About a 3 minute walk from here.
Friend: REALLY?!?!
Me: REALLY!!
Friend: How many pubs?
Me: In 3 minutes you can walk to umm…(thinking) 6 pubs. That’s not counting the “bad” KTV’s.
Friend: “Bad” KTV’s?
Me: Stay focused, that’s another conversation, but yes, bad ktv.
Friend: OK, 6 pubs in three minutes walking.
Me: Yeah, but I walk like Taiwan people ride motor scooters. You walking might be 7 minutes.
Friend: (Laughing)
Me: In 3 minutes, I can get to 6 pubs. If I walk 10 minutes I can get to 20 pubs. Again, not counting the bad KTV’s.
Friend: 20?!?!
Me: Dude, I’ve been in Taiwan 1 year. You’ve been here your whole life. How do you not know this?!
Friend: 20 pubs. How do you know where all the pubs are? I get bored and walk everywhere. I’m learning my world in Taiwan. In my world, there are pubs. I thought it was normal.
Friend: No, it’s not normal.
Me: Trust me. It’s normal. There are 20 pubs, just in this area. People in Taiwan drink their asses off. Especially men. Trust me.
Friend: You know drinking is bad for health.
Me: Stop! I’m a grown man. Don’t give me lecture on drinking.
Friend: Ok, sorry.
Me: No Problem. Thanks for caring.
Pub is a universal name for a place to go get a drink. There are three basic types. I’ve been to all three here in Jhongli. There is what I would call a bar in America. You might even call it a Pub. You go in sit drink, shoot the shit with your friends or sit alone at the bar and talk to the bar tender or other customers. Then there is the Pub/Disco. Yes, they use the term disco here, ugh. I would say night club or club. Someplace like Déjà vu. There’s drink and dancing. Don’t waste your money going to those places here in Jhongli. The cover charge is way too high. It’s supposed to be all you can drink. But you spend the whole night standing in line to get a damn drink. Seriously, there’s always in the neighborhood of 30-40 people standing in line for a drink and service is terrible. The music is at a decibel that I have never heard before. I made the mistake of going on a school night my first time and I couldn’t hear my students in my first two classes. My ears were just numb. Additionally, don’t go there because people in Jhongli are too shy to dance. The whole scene is very surreal. There is a dj that puts on a show, of bad mixes, and maybe some girl dancers. In Taiwan, it’s considered sexy. In the US, nowhere close to sexy. It’s somewhere in the range of dance team in short skirts with a bikini. The guys think it’s so hot and I yawn thinking, what’s the big deal. It’s a big big, cultural difference.
(As a quick aside, I once described an American strip club to some friends here. The looks on their faces were a mix of shock and horror. It was a slightly better, when I remembered to explain a dollar in America is paper money. Here a dollar is a coin. A completely different mental image. Hahaha!!!! Based on the trauma I caused that day, I don’t talk about strip joints anymore. I am continually amazed at how naïve some of my friends are. Again, a big cultural difference from America.)
OK, lastly, what is most commonly known as a pub in Taiwan, is a place where you can go have a drink, but there is a girl that will come and sit with you and have conversation. That’s all, just conversation, or maybe play some drinking games. The place where I go most often now is this type of pub. It’s a chance for me to try my Chinese, learn a different aspect of Taiwan’s culture, and meet new friends. Remember I’m a Panda. So, there is almost always someone interested in at least having a drink with me. If it’s busy and there’s no one to talk to, I study my Chinese. Yes, I’m a goof and take my Chinese book to the pub with me. If I run out of conversation, the girls will practice with me. They learn a little English, I get some Chinese practice, it’s all good.
Does it mean anything that I study better in a pub than I do in a coffee shop? That wouldn’t never happened in the US that’s for sure.
I’ve been told the pub/bar scene in Taipei is different. It is a lot more western. I don’t know and don’t care. Jhongli is my town, my home in Taiwan. Taipei has little to offer me. Especially if I gotta hang out with western people. More on that later.
See ya later,
D
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
What the Heck!! (post script)
In the next post you will read about my thoughts from December 16, 2009 as a new owner of a motor scooter in Taiwan. Now that it has been another 8 months let me update you on my adaptation to this aspect of Taiwan life.
Taiwan people in cafe's, on the sidewalk and other places are kind and generous. On the street on their scooters or in their cars....... well, that's a completely different story.
People in Jhongli are freakin' maniacs on the road!! I've been run off the road by a taxi, my first and hopefully last crash on brutus. But the number of near misses, because I got cut off, or they stopped suddenly, or I stopped because the traffic cop signaled to stop but no one else did, so I almost got hit, AGAIN, by a damn bus that screeched to a halt because I stopped and he wasn't going to. DUDE!!! The cop signaled to stop! Don't look at me like I'm crazy!!!! (and thank you Jesus for stopping the bus.)
I know there are indeed traffic laws in Taiwan, but they seem more for reference, guidelines if you will, no actual hard and fast rules or laws with enforcement.
Have I become a crazy Taiwan driver... well, not yet. Am I more comfortable than I was 8 months ago and drive differently, YES. Do I take foolish chances, NO. Do I curse a lot, yes. Do I still thank God every night when I say my prays that I travelled safely, you bet I do.
If you want to do something foolish on your motorbike, its stupid but your right I suppose, but you DO NOT have the right to put my life and safety at risk. That's all I'm sayin'. If you must be stupid and dangerous, try not to do it around me.
I'm old enough to realize I'm mortal.
Peace
Taiwan people in cafe's, on the sidewalk and other places are kind and generous. On the street on their scooters or in their cars....... well, that's a completely different story.
People in Jhongli are freakin' maniacs on the road!! I've been run off the road by a taxi, my first and hopefully last crash on brutus. But the number of near misses, because I got cut off, or they stopped suddenly, or I stopped because the traffic cop signaled to stop but no one else did, so I almost got hit, AGAIN, by a damn bus that screeched to a halt because I stopped and he wasn't going to. DUDE!!! The cop signaled to stop! Don't look at me like I'm crazy!!!! (and thank you Jesus for stopping the bus.)
I know there are indeed traffic laws in Taiwan, but they seem more for reference, guidelines if you will, no actual hard and fast rules or laws with enforcement.
Have I become a crazy Taiwan driver... well, not yet. Am I more comfortable than I was 8 months ago and drive differently, YES. Do I take foolish chances, NO. Do I curse a lot, yes. Do I still thank God every night when I say my prays that I travelled safely, you bet I do.
If you want to do something foolish on your motorbike, its stupid but your right I suppose, but you DO NOT have the right to put my life and safety at risk. That's all I'm sayin'. If you must be stupid and dangerous, try not to do it around me.
I'm old enough to realize I'm mortal.
Peace
What the Heck!!
Where in the World is D Today?
Contemplating the extinction of Dinosaurs and Survival of the fittest.
(I orignally wrote this on December 16, 2009 and forgot to post it. I actually said "what the heck" out loud a few moments ago when I found it.)
Let me first begin with, I believe completely and without reservation, that God created the heavens and the earth. No doubt in my mind at all. So let's take that off the table. But I also know there is some scientific evidence that some species have indeed developed, adapted, changed, dare I even say "evolved" over time. I don't know enough about the science of it to speak as an authority. I'm clearly NOT. If I were to combine the two ideas of creation and the idea of survival of the fittest, I would have to quote the comedian Katt Williams when he spoke about the guy who got killed in a tigers cage at the zoo. "If you are an adult, and If you get killed by a Tiger, And you get killed by a tiger in a zoo, AND you get killed inside the tigers cage at the zoo, Then I think God's will has been done for your life." (Think about that for a minute or two before you read on.)
Some things are naturally easy for me; for example dancing. Some things are naturally difficult; for example swimming, and mathematics. And some things I can learn to be competent at inspite of the difficulty; for example learning Chinese. Note I didn't say I was the best dancer or fluent in Chinese. I said it came naturally or I could be competent. The difficult things, well if I had to swim farther than 30 meters or do Calculus to save my life, start making the funeral arrangements. I physically can not manage swimming well. I've tried to learn to swim and I'm just really, really bad at it.
Now I find myself on the streets of Taiwan on a motorscooter. I am not culturally suited for it. We love our cars in the U.S.A. BUT I do have enough eye hand coordination and sense of balance that I am becoming more and more competent at it. Will I ever drive like a Taiwan person who probably quite literally grew up on a scooter? Not likely. I am less nervous today than I was 2 weeks ago. My senses, especially visual, have gotten sharper. I see things more clearly now and my reaction to them is quicker. A good way to describe it is when I first began to ride, everything seemed a little out of focus because there was so much new information being processed. Now, it's the same in formation, but now, it is all in focus. I am in essense becoming more fit for survival. I'm adapting.
So what does this have to do with the extinction of dinosaurs? Well, there is a body of evidence that supports a huge event, such as a large meteor crashing into the earth, that in essence caused the dinosaurs to die. In short, adaptation had nothing to do with it. The dinosaurs were doing just fine. They were minding there own business, when this huge thing falls out of the sky and wreaks havoc in the dinosaur world. Talk about having a bad day. Try having a meteor fall on you while you're eating a tree for lunch.
My ultimate point here is that none us are entirely insulated from the winds of chance. I can learn to drive my motorbike safely and effeciently. But you never know when an idiot is going into a tigers cage. Bad drivers don't only exist in Taiwan. Where ever there's a motor vehicle and a person in the world, there's going to be "those" drivers.
I still believe in the basic goodness of people, but I trust more in the hedge of protection that so many pray for on my behave. In either case, I'm gonna be OK on my scooter, and my feet don't hurt as much!
Good Luck
戴格智
Contemplating the extinction of Dinosaurs and Survival of the fittest.
(I orignally wrote this on December 16, 2009 and forgot to post it. I actually said "what the heck" out loud a few moments ago when I found it.)
Let me first begin with, I believe completely and without reservation, that God created the heavens and the earth. No doubt in my mind at all. So let's take that off the table. But I also know there is some scientific evidence that some species have indeed developed, adapted, changed, dare I even say "evolved" over time. I don't know enough about the science of it to speak as an authority. I'm clearly NOT. If I were to combine the two ideas of creation and the idea of survival of the fittest, I would have to quote the comedian Katt Williams when he spoke about the guy who got killed in a tigers cage at the zoo. "If you are an adult, and If you get killed by a Tiger, And you get killed by a tiger in a zoo, AND you get killed inside the tigers cage at the zoo, Then I think God's will has been done for your life." (Think about that for a minute or two before you read on.)
Some things are naturally easy for me; for example dancing. Some things are naturally difficult; for example swimming, and mathematics. And some things I can learn to be competent at inspite of the difficulty; for example learning Chinese. Note I didn't say I was the best dancer or fluent in Chinese. I said it came naturally or I could be competent. The difficult things, well if I had to swim farther than 30 meters or do Calculus to save my life, start making the funeral arrangements. I physically can not manage swimming well. I've tried to learn to swim and I'm just really, really bad at it.
Now I find myself on the streets of Taiwan on a motorscooter. I am not culturally suited for it. We love our cars in the U.S.A. BUT I do have enough eye hand coordination and sense of balance that I am becoming more and more competent at it. Will I ever drive like a Taiwan person who probably quite literally grew up on a scooter? Not likely. I am less nervous today than I was 2 weeks ago. My senses, especially visual, have gotten sharper. I see things more clearly now and my reaction to them is quicker. A good way to describe it is when I first began to ride, everything seemed a little out of focus because there was so much new information being processed. Now, it's the same in formation, but now, it is all in focus. I am in essense becoming more fit for survival. I'm adapting.
So what does this have to do with the extinction of dinosaurs? Well, there is a body of evidence that supports a huge event, such as a large meteor crashing into the earth, that in essence caused the dinosaurs to die. In short, adaptation had nothing to do with it. The dinosaurs were doing just fine. They were minding there own business, when this huge thing falls out of the sky and wreaks havoc in the dinosaur world. Talk about having a bad day. Try having a meteor fall on you while you're eating a tree for lunch.
My ultimate point here is that none us are entirely insulated from the winds of chance. I can learn to drive my motorbike safely and effeciently. But you never know when an idiot is going into a tigers cage. Bad drivers don't only exist in Taiwan. Where ever there's a motor vehicle and a person in the world, there's going to be "those" drivers.
I still believe in the basic goodness of people, but I trust more in the hedge of protection that so many pray for on my behave. In either case, I'm gonna be OK on my scooter, and my feet don't hurt as much!
Good Luck
戴格智
Monday, February 1, 2010
Where in the World is D Today?
Wondering what in the world happened?!
What do I mean by that? Well, something has shifted in my brain. I love my family deeply. Family is everything when you think about it. They will love you even when you’re being a jackass. They know most of your secrets and end the end they will choose you and stick by your side when everyone else has left you. At least that’s how my family is. If your family isn’t like mine, that is really too bad, REALLY? Anyway… I digress.
My point before was that as much as I love my family, there was this HUGE thing inside that could not wait to get back to Taiwan. My life here is anything but perfect, but this NEED to get back here was…. well…. WEIRD. I don’t really know where it came from. That’s why I wonder what happened? When did this shift happen in me? I don’t have a girlfriend, so I wasn’t rushing back for that. I did miss the food greatly. But, I ate great food in the U.S. My Chinese is mediocre at best on a good day. Meaning I spend a good portion of my life completely in the dark and confused. So the joy of confusion was not what was eating at me. And as I’ve stated many times to friends and family, at the end of the day, I am ALONE in Taiwan and that can at times be very lonely. Nonetheless, I missed my life as a Panda.
Here’s what I “think” may have happened. I am a guy in transition in his life. Transformation takes time. I have on occasion said “Taiwan was my destiny.” I didn’t then and still don’t now, fully understand the impact of that statement. I just know that things worked out in a way that seems as though I’m suppose to be here doing…. Something. What? I have no flippin’ idea.
This is what I DO know. When I came back, I could breathe. My chest was just lighter. When I walked down the street, people smiled and sometimes waved. I could be wrong, but I think my neighborhood missed their community Panda. Well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. My first 24hours back were just awesome. I was Happy. I don’t say that often! Really, I just felt Happy. Comfortable. I spoke the best Chinese I could muster and it was good enough. They understood me and I them. When I had my first meal back, it was simply heaven in my taste buds! And the weather was AWESOME! (I've never loved the cold of the midwest in winter. Tolerate, endure, yes. Love? Nope, not ever gonna happen.)
So the question is do I miss my family and friends in the U.S.? ABSOLUTELY! As much as I miss my family and they miss me, I know that just want me to be happy. Like I said before, family sticks with you through whatever. They know I’ll return someday to be in their presence. In the meantime, I will enjoy their support as I continue to try to figure out what it is I want to do when I grow up.
Wondering what in the world happened?!
What do I mean by that? Well, something has shifted in my brain. I love my family deeply. Family is everything when you think about it. They will love you even when you’re being a jackass. They know most of your secrets and end the end they will choose you and stick by your side when everyone else has left you. At least that’s how my family is. If your family isn’t like mine, that is really too bad, REALLY? Anyway… I digress.
My point before was that as much as I love my family, there was this HUGE thing inside that could not wait to get back to Taiwan. My life here is anything but perfect, but this NEED to get back here was…. well…. WEIRD. I don’t really know where it came from. That’s why I wonder what happened? When did this shift happen in me? I don’t have a girlfriend, so I wasn’t rushing back for that. I did miss the food greatly. But, I ate great food in the U.S. My Chinese is mediocre at best on a good day. Meaning I spend a good portion of my life completely in the dark and confused. So the joy of confusion was not what was eating at me. And as I’ve stated many times to friends and family, at the end of the day, I am ALONE in Taiwan and that can at times be very lonely. Nonetheless, I missed my life as a Panda.
Here’s what I “think” may have happened. I am a guy in transition in his life. Transformation takes time. I have on occasion said “Taiwan was my destiny.” I didn’t then and still don’t now, fully understand the impact of that statement. I just know that things worked out in a way that seems as though I’m suppose to be here doing…. Something. What? I have no flippin’ idea.
This is what I DO know. When I came back, I could breathe. My chest was just lighter. When I walked down the street, people smiled and sometimes waved. I could be wrong, but I think my neighborhood missed their community Panda. Well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. My first 24hours back were just awesome. I was Happy. I don’t say that often! Really, I just felt Happy. Comfortable. I spoke the best Chinese I could muster and it was good enough. They understood me and I them. When I had my first meal back, it was simply heaven in my taste buds! And the weather was AWESOME! (I've never loved the cold of the midwest in winter. Tolerate, endure, yes. Love? Nope, not ever gonna happen.)
So the question is do I miss my family and friends in the U.S.? ABSOLUTELY! As much as I miss my family and they miss me, I know that just want me to be happy. Like I said before, family sticks with you through whatever. They know I’ll return someday to be in their presence. In the meantime, I will enjoy their support as I continue to try to figure out what it is I want to do when I grow up.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Yeah, You Can Go Home Again. But it's still a little weird.
Where in the World is D Today?
Feeling less like a Panda?
In my last post I pondered a few aspects of culture shock as they pertain specifically to me.
Being in Missouri the weather, or should I say the temperature, is much more palatable than Chicago and Galesburg. The weather here has been gray and gloomy, much like Taiwan was when I left.
I drove my car for the first time in a year. I actually worried a bit if it could still manage the gearshift without seeming like a beginning. My worries were unfounded. My body remembered the car quite well and it felt like the car remembered me too. It was a very pleasant experience driving my car again. I missed it more than I knew.
My Dear, Dear Friend Lyn gave me a coming home dinner party with my "Obama Buddies", Peter and Ty, Kurt, Lisa and their son Jake, and Charles and Monica. Lefty progressives all! It was fun to talk politics and culture. I was in a room of people who "got" me and I "got" them. Food and drink and lots of laughter. It was shear bliss.
I spent time with three of my former students yesterday, Duane, Dart, and Jerry. Most of the time was with Dart and Duane. I was very close to these guys as a teacher, mentor and role model. We laughed and clowned around just as before. I nagged Dart about his sagging pants and Duane about his smoking, just like before. Just as before, out of respect for me, Dart pulled up his pants and Duane didn't smoke in the car. Jerry was as "thought full" as ever. I always like that about him. A thinker, that my kind of guy!!
I've had a few Chinese moments along the way since being here. My desire to maintain what little ability I have to speak Chinese has prompted me to bold as I would not have been, nor needed to be in Taiwan. I've approached a few people that I thought looked Chinese and spoke to them in Chinese. It was both terrifying and gratifying at the same time. They clearly did not expect me to speak Chinese. And they were so pleased that I did. Most importantly, They Could UNDERSTAND me!!!!!!!!!! Say it with me people.... AWESOME!!!!! I now truly understand what it must feel like to a stranger who approaches me in Taiwan. They want to talk and are genuinely interested, but KNOW their language ability is limited.
My time with Sean and Marcy has been fun. They were at the dinner last night and was able to see a part of my world that they had never really seen been apart of before, me interacting with "my grown up friends".
Things ARE beginning to feel "normal". I still need to get to KC to see the rest of the family and my friend Tracy. There are still many people to see here in Columbia. Time is becoming a factor now. But I am not going to let myself get stressed by it. (Yeah, Right!! LOL)
In the U.S. I'm not so much of a Panda. I know the rules and the culture intuitively. I've always been a bit of an odd nut here. The difference is how I "choose" to be an odd nut here and in Taiwan, I am an odd nut by mere virtue of my existence.
But I'll tell you a secret. I miss my life as a Panda. It is often uncomfortable for me in Taiwan. But, I do have dear and trusted friends and allies in James, Ray, Jack, Will, Claire and my Starbucks buddies. I miss my Taiwan family of May, Ken and Kevin. I miss Even, Hao Ting and my Chinese Teacher Zoe. I miss the adventure of living as a foreigner. I don't love the challenges, but I always manage to get over and around them with the help of my friends. I have a GREAT support system! AND, I miss the food soooooooo much!I've said it so many times since I've been here. Taiwan food is DELICIOUS!!
So, yeah, you can go home. It's familiar and comfortable again, and still a little odd. BUT... I like CoMO (Columbia, Missouri) my friends and family. I remains true as I said in a blog post some months back, America is my home. I will always be her son. Someday I will return for good. In the meantime, Taiwan calls me and I must answer.
Peace
戴格智
Feeling less like a Panda?
In my last post I pondered a few aspects of culture shock as they pertain specifically to me.
Being in Missouri the weather, or should I say the temperature, is much more palatable than Chicago and Galesburg. The weather here has been gray and gloomy, much like Taiwan was when I left.
I drove my car for the first time in a year. I actually worried a bit if it could still manage the gearshift without seeming like a beginning. My worries were unfounded. My body remembered the car quite well and it felt like the car remembered me too. It was a very pleasant experience driving my car again. I missed it more than I knew.
My Dear, Dear Friend Lyn gave me a coming home dinner party with my "Obama Buddies", Peter and Ty, Kurt, Lisa and their son Jake, and Charles and Monica. Lefty progressives all! It was fun to talk politics and culture. I was in a room of people who "got" me and I "got" them. Food and drink and lots of laughter. It was shear bliss.
I spent time with three of my former students yesterday, Duane, Dart, and Jerry. Most of the time was with Dart and Duane. I was very close to these guys as a teacher, mentor and role model. We laughed and clowned around just as before. I nagged Dart about his sagging pants and Duane about his smoking, just like before. Just as before, out of respect for me, Dart pulled up his pants and Duane didn't smoke in the car. Jerry was as "thought full" as ever. I always like that about him. A thinker, that my kind of guy!!
I've had a few Chinese moments along the way since being here. My desire to maintain what little ability I have to speak Chinese has prompted me to bold as I would not have been, nor needed to be in Taiwan. I've approached a few people that I thought looked Chinese and spoke to them in Chinese. It was both terrifying and gratifying at the same time. They clearly did not expect me to speak Chinese. And they were so pleased that I did. Most importantly, They Could UNDERSTAND me!!!!!!!!!! Say it with me people.... AWESOME!!!!! I now truly understand what it must feel like to a stranger who approaches me in Taiwan. They want to talk and are genuinely interested, but KNOW their language ability is limited.
My time with Sean and Marcy has been fun. They were at the dinner last night and was able to see a part of my world that they had never really seen been apart of before, me interacting with "my grown up friends".
Things ARE beginning to feel "normal". I still need to get to KC to see the rest of the family and my friend Tracy. There are still many people to see here in Columbia. Time is becoming a factor now. But I am not going to let myself get stressed by it. (Yeah, Right!! LOL)
In the U.S. I'm not so much of a Panda. I know the rules and the culture intuitively. I've always been a bit of an odd nut here. The difference is how I "choose" to be an odd nut here and in Taiwan, I am an odd nut by mere virtue of my existence.
But I'll tell you a secret. I miss my life as a Panda. It is often uncomfortable for me in Taiwan. But, I do have dear and trusted friends and allies in James, Ray, Jack, Will, Claire and my Starbucks buddies. I miss my Taiwan family of May, Ken and Kevin. I miss Even, Hao Ting and my Chinese Teacher Zoe. I miss the adventure of living as a foreigner. I don't love the challenges, but I always manage to get over and around them with the help of my friends. I have a GREAT support system! AND, I miss the food soooooooo much!I've said it so many times since I've been here. Taiwan food is DELICIOUS!!
So, yeah, you can go home. It's familiar and comfortable again, and still a little odd. BUT... I like CoMO (Columbia, Missouri) my friends and family. I remains true as I said in a blog post some months back, America is my home. I will always be her son. Someday I will return for good. In the meantime, Taiwan calls me and I must answer.
Peace
戴格智
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