Can Somebody Please Tell Me the Rules! or My Life as Panda (part 2)

Where in the World is D Today?

Somewhere Trying To Decide If It's Safe to Come Out.

One of the fundamental problems with keeping a document with your thoughts and perspectives open to the world is you never know how others will interpret your words. I check the site meter periodically and have seen that people have come to my site from some of the most unlikely places. What do they think of my thoughts? So people just write and don't worry about it. I'm not one of those people, because I truly understand the power of words. I love words and playing with them. I've worked hard in my life to be able to use, manage and manipulate words to express all of these odd feelings and perspectives I have. I consider myself a mediocre writer at best. But I do have my own off center view of the world and this blog is my expression of it. Not to mention, writing is good therapy for me. That in itself is another blog entry for another day. But, back to the point I was making, I Care what people think about my words and about me as an extension of those words.

There is a saying in the U.S. "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." We teach this to kids when they are getting teased. We want them to be brave and confident. The problem is, that saying is a complete lie. Stick and stone can break my bones, but words... Words break the heart. Bones heal infinitely easier than hearts. A broken heart can last a lifetime. So, I am completely aware that every word I put on this blog has heartbreak potential, including my own. Although there may be pain inflicted that is unintentional, the result is the same and I can not be casual about it.

Now, that I have laid out that rather lengthy preamble let me get to the point of this blog entry.

On average I would say I think once a week I think to myself, this just isn't worth it, just give up and go home. They, the island of Taiwan, do not want you. They want the cuteness of the Panda, but not the responsibility of house training it. It is of course a wild animal no matter how cute it may appear. One day the Panda is out in the jungle doing whatever it is Pandas do, mostly eating without bothering anybody. The next day it finds itself in complete unfamiliar surroundings. Now Pandas, while cute and cuddly, do indeed want to comply with the norms of its new surroundings. The problem is, the handlers on each shift have different norms and expectations for the Panda. And sometimes the handlers on the same shift can not agree on what is best for the Panda. In the meantime, the poor Panda is trying to keep everybody happy and then makes a mistake and the whole world crashes in on the Panda. The Panda is shocked and surprised at the reactions of the handlers. He really has no idea what's going on.

You mean, I'm NOT supposed to eat ALL of the bamboo stalk.

No, just the top half.

But the handler on the other shift said it was ok.

Yeah, well on this shift we don't eat the bottom part, only the top. Got it! So the poor Panda puts all of the bamboo down, goes into a corner and wishes he had spaghetti.

In the U.S. I knew most of the rules. I didn't like many of them, but in general, I knew what they were. And no matter how I wanted to operate, I could always anticipate the next step. Not so with ANY of my life in Taiwan. At work there are three different countries represented by the foreign teachers. There's geriatric group with their set of cultural norms, the British guy and his very British ways, the young guy on his first teaching assignment trying to prove himself, me the middle aged black guy who seems at times like he's 13 and other times like he's 103, add in one 6'3" Taiwanese guy who is a heck of a basketball player, loves R&B and in many ways is Blacker than I am. Throw in a Taiwanese ladies as our coordinator and you have our office. Next I have my Starbucks friends, then the shop girls (I haven't mentioned them on the blog yet, but they are regular part of my life) add in people from the gym and now my friends from church.

Everyone experiences Taiwan in their own way based on their life experience. Each joyfully shares their expertise, because THEY are Taiwanese, with me in their own way to help me adapt to my new home. Some are Christian some are not. Some are older, some are younger. Some are students, some are adults with jobs. Some are conservative, some are not. Many not all, generally accept me pretty much as I am and give me the benefit of the doubt. They share honestly and openly their language and culture. I am a very good listener. I am a pretty good problem solver. And as far as I can tell, there is very little consistency from subgroup to subgroup. I'm sure there are some common threads woven into the beautiful mosaic that is Taiwan.

But can someone please just tell me what it is!

I need to know the rules. The do's and don'ts. I am a Great rule follower. I need rules. Rules make things easy to do and understand. Yes, do stick your finger in the cake batter and taste it. No do not stick your finger in a plug socket. Easy! Don't steal, don't kill, got it. You can drink the water but only after you have boiled it and let it cool. But then it's still a good idea to maybe boil it again. Or you can just buy bottled water. It's not water that's the problem, it's the plumbing.

So for those of you who suggest I think too much, which is about everybody I know in Taiwan and the U.S. Try negotiating a world were you don't know the rules and know body is telling them to you. As you're learning the language you can say the right syllables, but you used the wrong tones which completely changed the word. So you in stead of saying 7, 8 you said a really naughty word when you were trying to practice your numbers, because learning the language is REALLY important and when people talk no to people says the words the same. I can understand lazy pronunciation in English. No biggie. But how can I tell the difference between proper and improper pronunciation in Chinese. Or maybe it's all correct, but really fast, or has an accent. You don't know it's an accent what this guy said sounded completely different from what that guy said and the ordered exactly the same thing. (Yes, I pay attention to these things. It is how I make sense of words I'm hearing.) But I keep listening hoping and praying for the day the static clears and I'll be able to understand.

It's not easy being a Panda. Unlike the Panda's at the zoo, I can choose when and if I want to go back to my natural habitat. I don't want to go back. I love Taiwan. But like I said before on average I think about going home about once a week because Taiwan doesn't want me. But, My job is here. I'm trying to make a Life here; not just live from day to day. But right now, I'm just a Panda trying to figure out if it's safe to eat the dang bamboo.

OK, it's Tuesday, so should I eat the top or bottom. Maybe I'll just not eat today. It's safer.