Seeing The World Faster Is Kinda Cool

Where in the World is D Today?

Contemplating the extinction of Dinosaurs and Survival of the fittest.

Let me first begin with, I believe completely and without reservation, that God created the heavens and the earth. No doubt in my mind at all. So let's take that off the table. But I also know there is some scientific evidence that some species have indeed developed, adapted, changed, dare I even say "evolved" over time. I don't know enough about the science of it to speak as an authority. I'm clearly NOT. If I were to combine the two ideas of creation and the idea of survival of the fittest, I would have to quote the comedian Katt Williams when he spoke about the guy who got killed in a tigers cage at the zoo. "If you are an adult, and If you get killed by a Tiger, And you get killed by a tiger in a zoo, AND you get killed inside the tigers cage at the zoo, Then I think God's will has been done for your life." (Think about that for a minute or two before you read on.)

Some things are naturally easy for me; for example dancing. Some things are naturally difficult; for example swimming, and mathematics. And some things I can learn to be competent at inspite of the difficulty; for example learning Chinese. Note I didn't say I was the best dancer or fluent in Chinese. I said it came naturally or I could be competent. The difficult things, well if I had to swim farther than 30 meters or do Calculus to save my life, start making the funeral arrangements. I physically can not manage swimming well. I've tried to learn to swim and I'm just really, really bad at it.

Now I find myself on the streets of Taiwan on a motorscooter. I am not culturally suited for it. We love our cars in the U.S.A. BUT I do have enough eye hand coordination and sense of balance that I am becoming more and more competent at it. Will I ever drive like a Taiwan person who probably quite literally grew up on a scooter? Not likely. I am less nervous today than I was 2 weeks ago. My senses, especially visual, have gotten sharper. I see things more clearly now and my reaction to them is quicker. A good way to describe it is when I first began to ride, everything seemed a little out of focus because there was so much new information being processed. Now, it's the same in formation, but now, it is all in focus. I am in essense becoming more fit for survival. I'm adapting.

So what does this have to do with the extinction of dinosaurs? Well, there is a body of evidence that supports a huge event, such as a large meteor crashing into the earth, that in essence caused the dinosaurs to die. In short, adaptation had nothing to do with it. The dinosaurs were doing just fine. They were minding there own business, when this huge thing falls out of the sky and wreaks havoc in the dinosaur world. Talk about having a bad day. Try having a meteor fall on you while you're eating a tree for lunch.

My ultimate point here is that none us are entirely insulated from the winds of chance. I can learn to drive my motorbike safely and effeciently. But you never know when an idiot is going into a tigers cage. Bad drivers don't only exist in Taiwan. Where ever there's a motor vehicle and a person in the world, there's going to be "those" drivers.

I still believe in the basic goodness of people, but I trust more in the hedge of protection that so many pray for on my behave. In either case, I'm gonna be OK on my scooter, and my feet don't hurt as much!

Good Luck

戴格智

Always Questioning. I really need to stop doing that.

Where in the World is D?

As usual, second guessing himself. UGH!

10.11.09

Self-doubt has been a life long companion of mine. If I had any “monkey’s on my back”, that would be it. Why? Lord only knows. A broken brain, or maybe just a broken heart. Maybe neither is broken, but seriously sprained. A nagging injury that just won’t heal. This time in Taiwan will be my physical therapy of sorts. Instead of going to a trainer to heal my sprained ankle, I am going to learn to relax and go with the flow. To just “be” and be ok with simply be-ing and not do-ing .

*A side note for my more conservative Christian friends who’s knee jerk reaction will surely be something along the lines of “trust God not yourself” or “God is the best therapist for you”. If you had any of those responses or anything like it… STOP!!!! Those responses insult my very deep faith and makes me terribly angry. You don’t think I have a regular conversation with Jesus about this. Struggles are not always due to some sort of deficit in my faith, prayer life, worship, tithing or other Christian ritual. Don’t be so quick to understand me. If you knew the whole story and saw the world through my eyes and experience, you might more likely say something like, “Dang, Darryl’s a tough guy. He’s still standing and fight after all that?!”

The thing is, the doubt is not in every aspect of my life, just a few very tender areas. If you were to see me in the classroom or doing any type of public speaking, you might think I was very cocky and be put off by presence.

None of us are one-dimensional. The expression, “what you see is what you get” is rarely entirely accurate. What you see is what I want you to see. And you get what I want you to get. We all have different parts of our psyche that manifest at different times. It’s ok. I think it’s pretty normal.

So if you are like me, constantly questioning yourself and if you really are “OK”, hang in there. What keeps me going are those days when I say to myself honestly, “Yeah, I AM OK. And at this moment I genuinely believe it.” Take stock of the moment. Smile a smile to yourself that no one else will understand.

Good Luck

戴格智

I Ain't Never Seen No Blue Dog!

Where in the World is D?

Trying to figure out what heck a blue dog democratic REALLY is.

10.11.09

A special note to the “blue dog” democrats. (By the way, who in the hell chose that name for you? You need a new PR rep. Just stick with conservative democrat, ok? It’s easy and clear to understand, though it seems a bit of a contradiction. But that’s another blog post for another day.)

Real Health care reform in within the nations grasp. It’s time to choose. Either you’re with us or your against us. If you against us, fine, that is your prerogative, but stop calling yourself a Democrat. If you believe in big business, if you believe that neighbors having a bake sale to help pay medical bills of a sick friend, if you believe the very misguided notion that you should pull yourself up by your bootstraps when you are standing barefoot, if you really believe that giving people the opportunity to buy health insurance from the government is a bad thing, and if you believe that you have no obligation to help the 1 million people who will file for bankruptcy because of medical bills or the some 40,000+ that will literally die because they have no insurance and can’t afford to go to a doctor….. call yourself what you are a Republican.

It’s time to take shit or get off the pot.

Good Luck

戴格智

The Truth or A Reasonable Lie

Where in the World is D Today?

I have no idea.

This will be short, I think. There are three versions of "the truth". There is 1) My Truth, 2) Your Truth, 3) The Real Truth. (I can always tell you what I really think. But I don't think you really want to know. So I tell you a reasonable lie. Something close to but not actually MY truth and keeps YOU happy at the same time.)

Truth's number 1 and 2 are subjective. Based on our own perspective and life experience. What's true for you may not necessarily be true for me.

So what is the REAL TRUTH, not based on my or your opinion and perspective......?

I was thinking of this as I walked to work. Right now, I am not in the greatest place emotionally. I was searching my head and knowledge for something that was Universally TRUE without subjectivity for EVERY person on the earth. I could only come up with this in my 10 minute walk.

THIS, I know to be true for EVERYONE. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. If that ceases to exist, WE ALL just had a VERY... BAD.... day.

At the end I usually say Peace. I can't today or any more. I have none. I haven't for a long time, even before I came to Taiwan. Hoped to find some here. Doesn't look like it's gonna happen. So I will say... simply...

Good Luck

戴格智

Darryl the Scizophrenic Panda 戴格智 精神分裂症大熊貓

Where in the World is D Today?

Trying to stay balanced in the off center situation that is my life. (I'm not really Scizophrenic, It is only a metaphor for what is to come as you read.)

Before I start, I have to throw a mad shout out to Lyn, Sean and Tim, henceforth know as Team Douglas. Without them I would have no chance at all at balance.

I am sitting on an outside patio at a tea shop near Starbucks. I think the temperature is about a million degrees. It’s just stupid crazy hot today. But, I’m in the shade and there’s a nice breeze so it ok. There’s a gazillion people in Starbucks so I needed to find someplace else to chill.

I’m trying to decide on writing bullet points or the usual narrative. Hmmm………. Ok Free-write stream of conscious it’s going to be. Hope you can understand my scattered brain-ness.

I have two lives. One life in U.S.A ........*Long Pause* I just got interrupted my a very nice older woman. She just came up and started looking over my shoulder at the computer. My response… Mmmm…. Hello?... One hour later, we just finished our conversation. Dang I forgot to get a picture! As I was saying…..

I have two lives. One life in the U.S.A and one in Taiwan. Life number one in the U.S.A. is taking it’s toll on me. Six months ago, I had planned to sell the house, but NOT right away. That time table has been moved to NOW not later. This is where the previous shout out comes in. I can’t manage this from Taiwan. I NEED the help of others. Sean, Tim and Lyn have been my A Team with Lyn as Captain. All the details are too difficult to explain here. But suffice it to say it’s a complicated process of phone calls and emails involving friends, family, bankers, lawyers, and a real estate agent, Alicia who will get a euber shout out if she can sell my house quickly without me losing a bunch of money. (It’s a really good house. Somebody go buy it! Right NOW! I don’t know if the power of suggestion works here, but it certainly can’t hurt.)

This move has caught us all off guard. Things happen in life. In my clear state of mind I will say simply ‘you play the cards you are dealt’. I might want an Ace of Diamonds, but I was dealt a 3 of Clubs. There is nothing I can do about it. I have to make the 3 of Clubs work until the next hand. I am able to stay clear in my head only with the love and support of others! And unlike a typical card game where you keep your cards hidden, I can show my cards to others and ask them what the best way is to make that crazy 3 of Clubs work when all the other cards are Diamonds. So lately there has been a lot of questions like that start, “What if…” or “Maybe we can…” and “But what about…” Then there is trying to anticipate the play of people at the table. “If I do ____, then maybe they will _____.

Caught unwittingly in the middle of this Tim. When the house is sold, he and I become in Homeless. That is not a good feeling. We have only talked about it in a superficial but usually practical way. BUT, my guess is this is having a profound emotional impact on him. I am sure it is on Sean. He has always been the most sensitive, in a good way, of the three of us. (Boys if you’re reading this, remember how much I love you and how we’ve always managed to get through before. And Tim, remember the Always Lasting promise I made when you were a baby.)

On to life number 2, Life in Taiwan… Life in Taiwan is generally good. I’ve made some good friends. I love the food and people in general. I have a job I like. I have a decent apartment in walking distance of my job. Really life is good here. So what else could I want? Hmmm What else could a SINGLE guy want? I’ll give you three guess’. No, Red Sox season tickets was a good guess, but the commute from Jhongli is too difficult. Try agan. No. A seemingly reasonable guess, but anyone who really knows me, knows it has NEVER been about ‘the booty’ for me. If it were just about sex, I could walk 5 minutes in any direction from my apartment and handle that. Try again, last chance. Yes! A girlfriend, and maybe that could lead to a good wife.

(I am opening up a generally very private part of my life. It’s a little scary. I’ve written a couple of paragraphs and this is getting long. So will finish in the next blog post. Look for something referencing lonely panda’s. I haven’t thought of a good title yet.)

Darryl the Lonely Panda 戴格智寂寞的熊貓

Where in the World is D Today?

Dying of Thirst While Standing in the Middle of a Stream.

If you are one of those people who will say, “just be patient.” I will tell you officially… SHUT UP. I have never remarried and quiet honestly have Not dated a tremendous about sense my divorce. It’s been a bunch of YEARS now. You could say I need to do several things, but, be patient ain’t one of them. I’ve been nothing if not patient.

Here’s part of my dilemma, I’m not getting any younger. Everyone I meet seems to be in their 20’s. When I point out this fact, I have often heard, “But you look so young! Age is not a problem here.” I will not disagree, put I view that optimism with a certain amount of skepticism. I will say for the record, there is absolutely nothing wrong with younger women, (or dating a younger man but this is specifically about me and a dating a man scenario is laugh out loud ridiculous. It’s NOT EVER gonna happen.) There may even be even some up sides. Nonetheless I worry about being perceived as a “Perv”.

The upside is lack of experience. I will define “lack of experience” as younger women in general, probably lack the years of disappointments and heartbreaks that inevitably come in every life. The short and less tactful way to put it is she’s not angry or jaded about men yet for doing her wrong time and time again. So she will see promise and hope in spite of the age difference.

The down side is lack of experience. I’ve already gone through the phases of life every twenty-something or thirty-something person will inevitably face. It’s an advantage for them, but I could see possible frustration on my side of equation. But I don’t know if it is any different other conflicts and differences in any relationship.

I can give any woman, but in this case a younger woman, almost quite literally everything she wants. I have a good secure job. I’m faithful, funny and devoted. I don’t know if I’m the cutest guy, but I definitely know I’m not the ugliest. I’m learning Chinese so in time language as a barrier becomes much less an issue. Here is the one thing that is possibly, and likely, a deal breaker. I can give her everything she wants except babies. I had a operation 20 years ago to become sterile. I thought I would be married to my wife forever and we didn’t want any more kids. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Ooops! I joke about it, but it was a good logical decision at the time. I had not reason to believe things would go the way they did. I am peaceful about the decision. But the fact remains, I’m sterile and there’s no going back. And I really don’t think I want to. Actually, I’m quite sure of it. So what’s a Good Man to do?!

Would I like to date an older woman? Of course! I’m not only looking for young women. Cut me some slack. But I don’t ever meet older single women. They tend to be married which makes perfect sense. So…… as I said to Will once, I fish at the pond I’m standing in. This leaves me with a couple of options.

I stop fishing all together and make my peace with being single, forever…… NOPE, not an option. If I end up single, it won’t be from not trying. I am not built for forever solitude. I’m made for commitment.

I can continue doing what I’m doing and hope for the best. (What I’m doing is keeping my eyes open to all possibilities.)

I can hope a friend sets me up. They all tend to be younger, so I’m back at square one with younger women and I don’t think any of the friends I have would set me up.

And then there’s the, heaven forbid, Internet dating. Not thrilled about that possibility, but desperate times call for desperate measures! Haven’t decided to do it yet, but every night I go to bed alone, I think about it.

The bottom line is I’m lonely and want companionship. Not a friend! Friends can’t comfort you in the middle of the night when you have a bad dream. They don’t hold your hand when watching a movie or walking down the street. Friends don’t give you that special look that says, “I really, really like YOU.”

Is it wrong for me to want more? To expect more? I don’t think so. I have great friends in America and Taiwan. I have two wonderful children. I have a very good life. I am richly blessed. But the fact is, I am traveling through life alone. It doesn’t feel very good.

I’m not going through some type of mid-life crisis, or “searching” for myself. I like who I am. I am a GOOD man with a big heart. I am not looking to be completed or fulfilled by another person. I’ve learned in life, that one person cannot complete or fulfill another. Here’s what we can do: We can love, support, nurture, cry, laugh, dance, learn and giggle with. We help them carry some of the excess baggage life hands us. And you know what, that’s a good thing.

I want that with somebody.

Peace 戴格智

America the Beautiful

Where in the World is D Today?

Thinking About the Good ‘Ol U.S.A.

A few days ago a colleague, Susan, asked me at lunch, “So Darryl, why did you decide to never return to the U.S.?”….. I just about choked on my noodles….. “Who told you that nonsense?!” “You did.” was her response. (insert noodle choking noise here.) I then tried as calmly as I possible could that she must have mistaken something I said previously. This led to her being very emphatic that I had indeed said it which led to a rant from her about how horrible America is for exporting jobs, the education system, blah, blah,. I was having a hard time listening, I was trying to dislodge 逐出the noodles from my esophagus 食管.

The history of America is not a simple one, especially when it comes to its People of Color, and specifically for me, a person of African descent. I’ve just used some very eloquent 雄辯, but it boils down to this for me. I’m Black. I always refer to myself as Black. I grew up when we said “Black is Beautiful.” Africa is a beautiful and wondrous 魔幻continent, but I have no deep connection to Africa, so to call myself African American just seems…. Out of place. My life, family, history, culture, and Identity are all uniquely and wonderfully wrapped in the United States of America. When I was in the U.S., I never assume, as many do, that foreigners want to become U.S. citizens. Many do, but just as many if not more are forever tied THEIR country as much as I am to mine.

Independence Day, The Fourth of July, is the greatest holiday to me. It’s not global. We don’t share it with anyone. It’s OURS! The Declaration of Independence is a simply beautiful peace of writing. If you haven’t read it, you must. In the meantime, I will sum it up for you; “Hey King George, BITE ME!” (That’s a paraphrase of course.) The men who wrote it and the Constitution were less than perfect men by all measures. But I will give them the benefit of the doubt in drafting documents based on the world as they knew it in 1776, knowing that others would come along after them.

In this ongoing series of firsts for me while living in Taiwan, this one strikes a special chord with me having volunteered for President Obama’s Presidential Campaign. What would the White men, some of who were slave owners, who drafted the Declaration of Independence, think of this day, this year?! Surely, they could not have imagined it in 1776.

I love Taiwan and its people. Some days I feel completely lost and some days I am completely comfortable. It’s only been 5 ½ months! I can possibly see me living here a long time, especially if I am lucky enough to find a mate. But, NEVER go back to the U.S. as Susan suggested. HAH! Preposterous! 荒謬!Give up my U.S. passport?! NOPE, Ain’t Gonna happen!!! (I got the noodles out by the way.)

*Please, Please, Please copy and paste this video link. I tried and tried to embed it and I couldn't get it to work.* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghz4_kikLkE

I ALWAYS get goose bumps and a little teary eyed when I hear Ray Charles sing America the Beautiful. I hope it touches you to and you get a sense of my homesickness on Saturday, the Fourth of July, Independence Day. Say it with me people, AWESOME!

A New First! I Am SOOO Not In The U.S. Any More!

Where in the World is D Today?

Trying to figure out if he should "Duck and Cover"!

Duck and Cover is a term I grew up with in the 1960's and
70's. It can be applied in a Tornado but I first learned it in Elementary school when we, the United States, thought we might get attacked by RUSSIA! (Just for the recorded, based my basic knowledge of nuclear warheads, Duck and Cover is a less that effective strategy for survival.)

Yesterday was an unusal day. First of all, I was home in the middle of the day on a weekday. Then I hear sirens sounding. The conversation I had with myself went a little like this;

"Sirens?!, Hmmmm, I didn't think Taiwan had Tornado's? I'm on the 14th floor. CRAP!! It was sunny just a few minutes ago."

Looking out the balcony, "There's not a cloud in site. Clearly not a Tornado. It is probably just a test of the system. This IS TYPHOON season. They test the systems every month of Tornado season in Missouri. That must be it. The sirens have stopped."

Completely oblivious to what's going on I leave my apartment headed for the bank. "Why are all these cars parked in the alley? It must be a busy day at the liscense bureau. It is the last day of the month." (I live next to that office and seeing people park badly in Taiwan is... NORMAL.)

I walk past all the cars and turn the corner, "cool I got a green light and the traffic is clear! I can make across the street safely!"

Then I notice this across the street policeman blowing his whistle and waving his baton. "Hmm what's up with that?" Then about 2 seconds later another policeman runs up behind me franticly blowing his whistle, waving his baton and very angrily pointing toward the building. "Crap! What did I do?!" I go in and there's a maybe 10 people sitting around. The cop goes back to watching outside. It is then I look outside and notice the streets are completely silent. There is no movement. Jhongli has become a ghost town. "What in the world is going on? Should I be worried? No one else seems overly concerned, but this is NOT normal." My inner thoughts were pretty chaotic.

After about 15 minutes, A car comes around the corner followed by another and the sirens sound again. Lots of whistle blowing from the police and the streets of Jhongli come back to life. I wait for a moment waiting for the OK from the policeman. The look he gave me was something along the lines of, "Idiot Foreigner". And then Mr. Lu, a fine gentleman in my apartment building, appears. He explains, "It was an attack drill. It's not like this is the U.S. is it? The sirens mean stay inside the country is under attack. The safest place is inside from bombs and planes." Taiwan is an island and has to worry about being attacked, especially with it's proximity to N. Korea and though he did not say it specifically, mainland China was implied.

I was aware that as an island, Taiwan is vulnerable to attack, but I chose to basically ignore it. Taiwanese people don't seem overly concerned with potential threats from N. Korea or China. But, ya know, a little heads up to the drill would have been handy. (They probably were there but in Chinese.) I count it as another on of those experiential lessons we all learn as we go through life. Afterward I felt pretty silly that I had all of these signs that said Hey Pay Attention To This! and I walked right past each and everyone. There was a ration reason for doing so in each case.

Sometimes we can have all the Right information and still draw the Wrong conclusion. Life is funny that way sometimes.

Peace

My Thoughts Walking To School Today

Where in the World is D Today?

Somewhere on Yanping Road.

I haven't slept well the last two nights. Too many things on my mind. On my daily walk the list began to scroll through my head of all the things I missed. It began as I adjusted the mask on face to protect my lungs from the exhaust fumes of traffic. Some of the things were specific to Columbia, some were just things I noticed I hadn't done or had in a while. Here's the list of things I missed in the 10 minute walk from my apartment to Chung Li Elementary.

I Miss...

Clean Air

The quite of my neighborhood in Columbia

Planting flowers in front of my house

Mowing my lawn

Chocolate shakes from Sonic's Drive-in

The Twilight Festival or walking around downtown Columbia in general

Washing and Waxing my car

Taking a drive on a sunny day with the top down on a curvy road. (My car is a convertible. I have not seen many in Taiwan.)

Independence - I am fiercely independent while simultaneously knowing we NEED
other people in our lives. I am tremendously Thankful for the helpers in my life like Yi-Wen, Claire, and Ray. I am blessed by all my helpers, but I often feel like a child. I must have someone speak for me at the doctors office and renting an apartment. Some things are very personal and as a grown man would rather not have a third person involved. These conversation often makes me feel invisible, because while I am the point of the conversation, no one ever actually talks to ME. But it is a necessary evil and is an important lesson in humility for me. I have no choice. It will be a very long time before my Chinese is good enough to go the the doctor alone. Given the choice of going and increasing the possibility of getting something wrong or having a helper, no matter the embarrassment, I choose the helper.

HUGS - I really miss hugs. I have not had the full embrace of another human being in almost 6 months. Times when I need a hug and KNOW that I CAN't get one is when I really feel the difference in culture.

PBS - This is Public Broadcasting Station with news and arts and documentaries.

Tennis

Dancing - I miss dancing almost as much as hugs. It is such a wonderful expression and a chance to connect with another person.

I need, I crave, human touch. Not in any bad or unhealthy way. It is my basic belief that there is something in all of us that needs it. We do it instintively with children and babies to comfort them and then it fades as we get older. But where I come from, Black people hug! The full embrace I get at a family gather or at church...there's nothing else like it. I really miss that.

Peace

Can Somebody Please Tell Me the Rules! or My Life as Panda (part 2)

Where in the World is D Today?

Somewhere Trying To Decide If It's Safe to Come Out.

One of the fundamental problems with keeping a document with your thoughts and perspectives open to the world is you never know how others will interpret your words. I check the site meter periodically and have seen that people have come to my site from some of the most unlikely places. What do they think of my thoughts? So people just write and don't worry about it. I'm not one of those people, because I truly understand the power of words. I love words and playing with them. I've worked hard in my life to be able to use, manage and manipulate words to express all of these odd feelings and perspectives I have. I consider myself a mediocre writer at best. But I do have my own off center view of the world and this blog is my expression of it. Not to mention, writing is good therapy for me. That in itself is another blog entry for another day. But, back to the point I was making, I Care what people think about my words and about me as an extension of those words.

There is a saying in the U.S. "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." We teach this to kids when they are getting teased. We want them to be brave and confident. The problem is, that saying is a complete lie. Stick and stone can break my bones, but words... Words break the heart. Bones heal infinitely easier than hearts. A broken heart can last a lifetime. So, I am completely aware that every word I put on this blog has heartbreak potential, including my own. Although there may be pain inflicted that is unintentional, the result is the same and I can not be casual about it.

Now, that I have laid out that rather lengthy preamble let me get to the point of this blog entry.

On average I would say I think once a week I think to myself, this just isn't worth it, just give up and go home. They, the island of Taiwan, do not want you. They want the cuteness of the Panda, but not the responsibility of house training it. It is of course a wild animal no matter how cute it may appear. One day the Panda is out in the jungle doing whatever it is Pandas do, mostly eating without bothering anybody. The next day it finds itself in complete unfamiliar surroundings. Now Pandas, while cute and cuddly, do indeed want to comply with the norms of its new surroundings. The problem is, the handlers on each shift have different norms and expectations for the Panda. And sometimes the handlers on the same shift can not agree on what is best for the Panda. In the meantime, the poor Panda is trying to keep everybody happy and then makes a mistake and the whole world crashes in on the Panda. The Panda is shocked and surprised at the reactions of the handlers. He really has no idea what's going on.

You mean, I'm NOT supposed to eat ALL of the bamboo stalk.

No, just the top half.

But the handler on the other shift said it was ok.

Yeah, well on this shift we don't eat the bottom part, only the top. Got it! So the poor Panda puts all of the bamboo down, goes into a corner and wishes he had spaghetti.

In the U.S. I knew most of the rules. I didn't like many of them, but in general, I knew what they were. And no matter how I wanted to operate, I could always anticipate the next step. Not so with ANY of my life in Taiwan. At work there are three different countries represented by the foreign teachers. There's geriatric group with their set of cultural norms, the British guy and his very British ways, the young guy on his first teaching assignment trying to prove himself, me the middle aged black guy who seems at times like he's 13 and other times like he's 103, add in one 6'3" Taiwanese guy who is a heck of a basketball player, loves R&B and in many ways is Blacker than I am. Throw in a Taiwanese ladies as our coordinator and you have our office. Next I have my Starbucks friends, then the shop girls (I haven't mentioned them on the blog yet, but they are regular part of my life) add in people from the gym and now my friends from church.

Everyone experiences Taiwan in their own way based on their life experience. Each joyfully shares their expertise, because THEY are Taiwanese, with me in their own way to help me adapt to my new home. Some are Christian some are not. Some are older, some are younger. Some are students, some are adults with jobs. Some are conservative, some are not. Many not all, generally accept me pretty much as I am and give me the benefit of the doubt. They share honestly and openly their language and culture. I am a very good listener. I am a pretty good problem solver. And as far as I can tell, there is very little consistency from subgroup to subgroup. I'm sure there are some common threads woven into the beautiful mosaic that is Taiwan.

But can someone please just tell me what it is!

I need to know the rules. The do's and don'ts. I am a Great rule follower. I need rules. Rules make things easy to do and understand. Yes, do stick your finger in the cake batter and taste it. No do not stick your finger in a plug socket. Easy! Don't steal, don't kill, got it. You can drink the water but only after you have boiled it and let it cool. But then it's still a good idea to maybe boil it again. Or you can just buy bottled water. It's not water that's the problem, it's the plumbing.

So for those of you who suggest I think too much, which is about everybody I know in Taiwan and the U.S. Try negotiating a world were you don't know the rules and know body is telling them to you. As you're learning the language you can say the right syllables, but you used the wrong tones which completely changed the word. So you in stead of saying 7, 8 you said a really naughty word when you were trying to practice your numbers, because learning the language is REALLY important and when people talk no to people says the words the same. I can understand lazy pronunciation in English. No biggie. But how can I tell the difference between proper and improper pronunciation in Chinese. Or maybe it's all correct, but really fast, or has an accent. You don't know it's an accent what this guy said sounded completely different from what that guy said and the ordered exactly the same thing. (Yes, I pay attention to these things. It is how I make sense of words I'm hearing.) But I keep listening hoping and praying for the day the static clears and I'll be able to understand.

It's not easy being a Panda. Unlike the Panda's at the zoo, I can choose when and if I want to go back to my natural habitat. I don't want to go back. I love Taiwan. But like I said before on average I think about going home about once a week because Taiwan doesn't want me. But, My job is here. I'm trying to make a Life here; not just live from day to day. But right now, I'm just a Panda trying to figure out if it's safe to eat the dang bamboo.

OK, it's Tuesday, so should I eat the top or bottom. Maybe I'll just not eat today. It's safer.

Teacher Extraordinaire! 教师非凡

Where in the World is D Today?

Trying to find a humble way to say I'm the GREATEST TEACHER EVER! :)



The Greatest Teacher Ever?! OK, that may be a little bit of a stretch, but that's how I felt when the flowers were explained to me. "Flowers?!", you say. Let me back up for those who haven't read the blog the last few days......

This past Wednesday was the 6th Grade Graduation. I am a natural High School teacher. Now, that I am teacher Elementary School, it takes learning a different thought process. (Since I'm not much more mature than 11 year old kids it wasn't too great of a leap. HA!)

I've only been teaching here for 5 months. So I never really expected to make the connections I did. Nor did I expect the kids to connect with me the way some did. I hoped for it, but honestly didn't expect it. Well,.... with some of the kids I got exactly what I wanted... to care for them and for them to care for me back.

At the end of the ceremony a couple of boys brought me some flowers. Thinking like a westerner, I figured the boys parents gave them some flowers to celebrate the graduation and then gave them to me because the are 11 year old boys and don't want to be caring flowers around they got from their mom. I asked teacher about it on Thursday when she explained to me I had it all wrong. They asked the parents to buy flowers specifically for them to give to ME! Say it with me people.. "AWESOME" A 6th grade boy would NEVER give his male teacher flowers in the U.S. I am still smiling!

So am I THE greatest teacher EVER? That is certainly up for debate. But I definitely feels like it.



On a deeper more reflective note. I wish I could share all of this with my Grand Mothers. I often think of them at moments like this. They both were SO VERY PROUD of me when I graduated, because I was a TEACHER! For those of you who appreciate history, at the time when my grandmothers were born, the early 1900's, and grew up in a very racist and segregated America, the most respected Black man was either the Pastor or the Teacher. So you see, for their grandson to become a teacher was a big deal to them, and rightfully so. I can remember one time I went to visit my Grandmother Johnson and she called her friends in the neighborhood, "My Grandson the Teacher is here to visit me!". A few minutes later her house had 4-5 of these little old ladies from my grandma's generation show up. She was so proud and so were those little old ladies. The had the same story growing up as Grandma Johnson. At times like these, I miss my Grandmothers. They were special ladies. I know that they would be especially proud of me now.

Road Rules: Look Left, Right, Front, Back and Oh Yeah, Up!

Where in the World is D?

Looking Up and Saying... DUH!

OK, I know I promised no more stories on Taiwan traffic but this is REALLY important.

You've heard say or read my comments about the traffic here in Jhongli. Comments like, "People drive like Freddie Kruger on Crack!" Or "Taiwan traffic is not for the faint of heart" or "I said a prayer of Thanks because I didn't die crossing the street." (I actually do this several times a day.) In all seriousness, the traffic is not joking matter. I saw two scooter accidents on Sunday. Yesterday I was almost hit by a scooter, but here's why, and this is very common; It was 7:30 PM, the driver Did NOT have their light on AND was wearing a tinted visor. Even though I have taken to wear WHITE shirts at night, I can't see you with no lights on and she/he certainly didn't see my me in all my Blackness, white shirt or no. So, when crossing the street, I look forward, I look left I look right and I look behind me, because having a scooter follow you across the street only to whip around you on your blind side so they can make a left hand turn is very common. (People back home have no idea what I'm talking about, but I guarantee every Taiwanese person reading this knows Exactly what I'm talking about.) You understand why I thank the Lord just to go 50 feet without dying.

You also know I walk every everywhere. A big part of my routine is going to and from work. At every corner I look left, right, front and behind. I see the same things everyday. And EVERYDAY I come to the corner of Yanping and Jung Ping Roads. I look left. There's the Organic Food Store. I look right. There's lots of shops. I look forward. There's the Little Green Man (He is Animated. Which is TOTALLY COOL!) telling me I can cross the street. I go on to work without thinking. I come home the same way, except now the Organic Food store is on the right and there's a LOT more traffic and people to negotiate.

Saturday I was rather bummed about some personal stuff. The usual stuff for me; How are the boys, Why can't I get everything to work right all at same time, but the big thing on my mind was am I doomed to walk the rest of my life "alone" (without a mate.) When I get like this, I like to take a prayer walk. It's calming. So as I'm wander the streets of Jhongli like some sort of ghost, I take a path I never before. Instead of going straight at Jung Ping Rd. I turn left at the Organic Food store. I walk all of 40 feet when I hear Christian music. It's in Chinese, but the style is completely recognizable to me. I stand across the street and watch for a long time. I was asked to go sit on a stool several times and decline. I'm comfortable watching and standing by this nice safe pole. After a while this group, lead by Lia, comes over and hauls me over to the seats. They have no idea what's going on in my head or my emotional state, but I acquiesce. They are not to be denied!

Remember that Organic Food store I see twice a day as I'm looking left and right for and arrant scooters or cars? Well, it never dawned on my to look UP!! If I would have looked up I would have seen this.......DUDE!!

I found my church home.

And like so many things that I've looked for over extended periods of time, it was right in front of me all along. The timing was perfect. I told Yi-Wen, the group leader, it was no accident I wandered by on Saturday. It was their first time doing something on the street.

So I needed to look up both literally and metaphorically. I will never understand God's timing. But I don't really care. I found wonderful Brother's and Sister's in Christ. A few people suggested that they could help me find an English church. My response was, "You don't want me to go to church here?" with a smile. "Oh no, I mean yes we want you" or something like that.

Thus begins a new chapter in this adventure. I'm sure more wonderful stories are on the way.

My Birthday Part 3

Where in the World is D Today?

Reflecting on his Birthday.

As promised from the blog post my birthday part 2, Part 3 will be special. At least it is to ME.

It wasn't until I looked back that I realized what a COOL Birthday I really had. My Birthday was spread out over 2 days. Day 1 was the movie with Jane.
We went to see Wolverine: X-men Beginnings. But before I went to the movies I went to Starbucks. I thought I would just stop by and goof around on my computer for a little bit. The only person at Starbucks who know it was my birthday was Sylvie. We had chatted online the week before and I mentioned that it had been my observation that it often, not always, rains on May 5.



Once I got to Starbucks, what happened later made me cry when I got home. First I ran into Cindy. That's always cool. I hadn't seen her in maybe 2 1/2 weeks. I have slightly different relationship with Cindy than I do with Pie and Shaq. We talk about deep stuff; the future, the world and our place in it.















Then Pie rolls in. Say it with me people, AWESOME! Then Sylvie come over and says I told you it wouldn't rain! I am all smile then it happens. I get my gift.
A simple envelope with a birthday card, or so I thought. I'll let you read for yourself.













































































































































Me and Sylvie






















Me and Bryan






















Me and Eddie



















Me, Sylvie and Edison















And what is a birthday without CAKE!






















I got the cake from one of 6th grade Homeroom Teachers. Her name is (spelled phonetically - Yu Shun).We meet on Wednesdays after school and I help her with English and she teaches me some Chinese. But mostly we just talk about Family, our kids, you know.... LIFE. She is so kind. My life is richer here at Chung Li Elementary school because of her.

Re-thinking Taipei 101 and Teaching

Where in the World is D Today?

Re-thinking and revising a few things.

I have gone on the record on this blog and other places as saying, (The things I know, I am completely confident of. The things I don't know, I am totally neurotic. I know teaching. I am 99.9% completely confident when I go to teach a lesson. Women... hmmm.... well, put that in the neurotic category.)

Today I went in to teach what I thought was a pretty good lesson with kids I was confident would do well. While I think it was a good lesson in theory, me believing we could build from the two previous weeks. I felt like I was at the base of Mt.Vesuvius (look it up if you don't know the history) during the lesson. Translation: the lesson was AWFUL!!

After crawling out of the ash, I bounced some ideas of Will, my friend and mentor. Will would not actually say this, but his response was some akin to, "that's dumb". So going back to the drawing board a third time, I came up completely re-vamped lesson for my second class. (All in about 40 minutes time!) And you know what?! I was a lot better the second time around. There is still one adjustment to be made but I felt so much better.

I admit I am a recovering perfectionist. I know things can't always be perfect. But dang it, anything worth doing is worth doing well! My students had no idea what I had gone through with the previous class and whole exploding volcano thing, but did they get a better lesson. Frankly, yes. And I was happier too!

NOW, about Taipei 101. I would now like to retract my preious statement of "I thought it would be taller" and basically dismissing the excitement over it. Last weekend I was on my way north to see some really cool stuff north of Taipei. So as we're driving by I look out the window and OMG!, there is Taipei 101! From a distance, with other "tall" buildings in the picture, 101 is GIGANTIC. And yes, if I were a freakishly large gorilla I would want to climb it.

So people, sometimes we have to back and see things from a different perspective. And be gracious enough to say, "Hey, it seemed like a good idea at the time, but gosh, I was wrong."

In the end, Everybody wins.

My Birthday Part 1

Where in the World is D?

In the Movie Theater.

(These pics are not from my Birthday. I didn't take any, I just didn't think of it. But I will try to get a better one and pretend it is my bday.)


For as long as I can remember, I have gone to see a movie on my birthday. It's one of the few traditions I adhere to somewhat religiously. I love going to the movies and my birthday is always around that first week of the beginning of the summer blockbuster season. And most importantly, I've always seen a movie WITH someone. That's important to note. It traditionally is Sean and or Tim or both. Well gosh, I'm in another country for for my birthday for the first time in my life. I've only been here a short time and don't know that many people And then there's the issue of people are busy (even my Starbucks buddies) and then there's the unfortunately timing of my birthday being in the middle of the week. Add to that I am just not the type to beg people to hang out with me because its my birthday. It is my nature to be much more low key about my birthday. The fact that I put happy birthday to me on my Facebook was major departure from my typical Modus Operandi. . So what am I to do? Take a chance and ask someone to go to the movies with me. Not going to the movies on my birthday is just unacceptable. So....

I asked Jane. I know Jane from Elementary School and from the gym. She has a tiny body and a huge wonderful laugh. To be perfectly honest, I think my invitation freaked her out a little bit. People here usually celebrate birthdays in groups. So here is this foreigner guy asking her to the movies for his birthday, ALONE. She graciously accepted and skipped going to the gym so I didn't have to spend my birthday alone.



So if you happen to run into Jane, give her a wink and nod, and tell her she did a good thing.

I have one more very important part of my birthday, but it is very late and I MUST go to sleep. Trust me, it is WORTH the Wait. (I will call it birthday Part 3)

My Birthday part 2 Or (My life as a Panda!)

Where in the World D?

Partying like a Rock Star and Startled at how similar he is to a Panda Bear?

I was just explaining to my friend Ming that my sense of humor is sometimes too odd for Taiwanese people. It's not them it's me. Who else would compare themselves to a Panda Bear, seriously. Just Bear with me. get it bear.....

Here's the deal. This is really an extension of the blog entry "Not exactly a celebrity.." Last week was my birthday. On Tuesday, my actual birthday, I went to the movies with Jane. I had my traditional movie with a nice person and had good conversation afterward. On day two, Wednesday the 6th, I went out with Ken, Ivor and Gary. The military guys from work. I also ran into Yama. Yama is the manager at the guy. He was there with a few people from the gym. Tommy is the one who's name I remember.





So while we're there, we upgrade to the VIP section next to the dance floor. (My ears were ring for two days afterward by the way.) So we are in the flow. So between my school friends and Yama, I am meeting a ton of people, many of which were women. Here's where the Panda part comes in. When I went to the Taipei Zoo a while back, the line of people trying to see the Panda's was pretty long. Similarly lots of people wanted to meet me. But at the end of the day, you don't really want to take a Panda home. They are cute and entertaining from a distance, but what do you really have in common with them. You feel really good when you see them, but you're really OK leaving them at the zoo. I sometimes feel like that Panda. (This really doesn't apply to Ken, Gary and Ivor. It was their idea to take me out in the first place. The were in the cage with me, not one of people coming by as a spectator.)



So here's how I approach this... If you're a Panda, do you appreciate the attention. Yeah. Every Panda can dig on a little extra attention, especially on it's birthday! I had a wonderful time! But the Panda can't really begrudge the zoo patrons for going home and leaving the Panda at the zoo. It's normal. Especially after only being at the zoo for three and a half months.






Over time I know I will be less Panda-like. In the meantime, I'll enjoy the moments of being the star attraction at the zoo, knowing that it is only for a very brief moment, excepting it for what it is and keep moving forward. Someday, I'll get up off all fours, speak understandable Chinese and people will say, "Wow, A talking Panda! He looks friendly and seems pretty tame. Let's take him home and get to know him better."

Oh, I haven't said it on my blog or Facebook, but as a not so casual observer, Taiwanese women seem to come from a VERY Good gene pool! But, that's just my opinion.

EARTHQUAKE!!!!, sort of...

Where in the World is D Today?

Wondering if I should be Thankful or Curious.

Interesting facts about Taiwan that I didn't know before.

1) Typhoons are good! Yes, a Typhoon is roughly the equivilent of a Hurricane. But Taiwan is an Island surrounded by salt water. I can't explain how it works. But the bottom line is typhoons fill the fresh water supply. No Typhoons = No water. Thus, Typhoons are good. Oh, there are no snow days, DUH!, but there are Typhoon Days.

2) Earthquakes are normal. Apparently little ones happen semi-frequently. Last Friday there was an Earthquake here in Jhongli,AND I MISSED IT! This is why I'm not sure if I should be "Thankful" or not. I am very curious as to what it actually feels like. I don't need to feel it in a Summer Block Buster, End of the World As We Know It sort of way. But I think the sensation would be quite interesting. I'll keep you posted.

3) There's staying out all night. And then there's leaving the night club and being shocked to discover the sun had come up. I did listen to the good Angel most of the night and was still able to go to the gym that afternoon, I am proud to say. But I will also say I'm not built for that type of thing. It will likely be my first and last time. (Am I getting old or growing up? Not sure which. I suspect just old.)

That's all for now.

Peace

Fun with Stereotypes Part Deux!

So if Black people can dance, what is the other thing we do well..... Play basketball. DUH!! Again, I wish I had pictures. (For Myself, just not for this silly blog.)

Today was probably one of my funnest days here at Jhongli Elementary School. I came into school like any other day. It's Wednesday so I'm prepared to teach my two English classes about weather and having a brief conversation about the weather. About 5 minutes into it an annoucement is made. (of course it was in Chinese) In Short, it was about classes coming out to watch the student basketball team play some faculty members. And of course the students want to go. I knock out a few vocab words and we're off to the playground. I come out after the kids and get a lot of Teacher Darryl! Teacher Darryl! arms waving wildly. "Come sit with us!" A group of my 6th grad boys are calling me over. So how cool is that!? Well of course I go sit with them.

After the first quarter, Ken one of the nicest guys in Taiwan and works at the school for his military service, invites me into the game. I'm like "no way?!" The kids are "Way!" (but in Chinese) I know the stereotype and this one is impossible to live up to. Unless of course the goal is only 8 feet high.

My first shot. A 3 pointer. NOTHING BUT THE BOTTOM OF THE NET! I'm thinking not bad given I haven't played in over a year and I'm not wearing my glasses. I played so-so by U.S. standards, and let us not forget we playing against 6th graders. The Principal even gets in on the act.

After the first half. Will gets invited into the games. He is the Star of the Show. He was super laid back, but the kids LOVE Will. And then my boy Will sets me up perfectly. I am hanging back at the other end, he get the rebound, passes to me, SLAM DUNK!!! Hang on the rim!!! And the crowd goes wild!!!!!! Say it with me, AWESOME!! I found out after that everytime I got the ball the kids were cheering Dunk, Dunk, Dunk! But it was in Chinese, so I had no clue. So when it happened they were already pumped up.

This was again a time to just live in the moment. Screw the stereotypes and the potential ramifications. No one was hurt, everybody had a good times, especially me. My stock went up about 1000 % with the kids. Those are all good things. I wish there were pictures. A good time was had by all and that's special, especially when it happens at school.

Peace

Having fun with Stereotypes

Where in the World is D Today?

Lovin the skin he's in!

Have you heard the one about the black guy who gets invited to the Hip-Hop exercise class in Taiwan?! I wish I had pictures! I had just finished a Body Combat class and was pretty tired when this seriously buff Taiwanese guy comes up to me full of energy. He talking but I'm not receiving. He's making gestures and I'm like, "HUH?!" Then Grace a nice lady with pretty good English, and a rockin' bod for a 50 something woman, explains they REALLY REALLY want me to stay for this class. In my fatigued state I mindlessly say, "Why?!" I don't know how you say "DUH!" in Chinese, but the look on her face spoke volumes. And then she suggested I only stayed for the 20 minute warm up. OK, Fine. But you know what everyone was expecting.

And then it happened, every bad dance move from the 90's got put into this warm-up; yes, the Cabbage Patch, Roger Rabbit, and the personal favorite The Running Man were all present and accounted for. And ALL Eyes were on me. They were trying to be cool about it, which I appreciate, but they wanted to "see how it was done", So I pretended I was back in the club and gave them the best I had. Quite honestly, I was not spectacular by any means, but good enough to live up to any stereotype about Black people and hip hop dancing. It was hard to leave the class. Several people wanted me to stay. One guy even tried to block my way. I almost went to another stereotype about Black people when that happened, but I know he meant no harm. He just wanted to include me in the class and be with them. And THAT Ladies and Gentlemen is a very cool feeling.

It is nice to be wanted. And if you don't think about all the possible ramifications or intentions and just let things happen, Life can be pretty darn fun.

Peace

A Good Man Isn't Hard To Find, If You're Paying Attention

02.09.2009 11:57 P.M.

Where in the World is D Today?

Appreciating his Elders



There is not a single day that I don’t think about my Dad. Tommy Douglas is a special man indeed. I have mentioned my dad in passing in previous blog entries, but never to the time to elaborate.

Let me say two things that anybody who knows me have heard me say about my father. “He is the Best MAN I know.” And, “I love that man.” I can’t talk about my dad without those two phrases. My dad is like many men from his generation, a man of fairly few words. Though compared to what he was like when we were kids, he’s down right chatty now.

My dad through those few words as a kid taught me to walk with a level of dignity that too many young Black men lack these days. He taught me “You can tell a lot about a man by his shoes.” I think that phase every time I polish my shoes. For those of you who know me, think for a moment. Have you ever seen me in dress shoes that didn’t shine? Or dirty scruffy unkept falling apart sneakers?

My dad never said anything other than that one phrase on shoes. He didn’t elaborate one bit. But I got the message in how he said it and as he showed me how to polish my shoes. Here’s what I take from that very simple phrase. We are all judged like it or not on some level by our appearance. So put forth your best always, because you never know who’s looking and what judgements they’re making about you. Back then, access to instant shine liquid shoe polish was not as common as it is today, besides it didn’t look as good and it lacked the pride factor of wiping, brushing and buffing.

It also said that a man who takes time to shine his shoes is a person to be reckoned with. He takes time to do things right and pays attention to detail. That’s the man you want to hire. In a day when it was tough for Black men to make it in the business world, not to mention the world in general full of segregation and subjugations that my dad grew up in it meant a lot to have good shoes. My dad didn’t have those good shoes, but he ALWAYS made sure his children did. Let’s face it, Shiny shoes command respect.

Here’s another little pearl of wisdom my dad laid on me one day in the Bowlings office supply delivery car. (Oh by the way, I was probably 15 or 16 years old when I learned that working 2 or 3 jobs was NOT, normal.) So I mean it deeply when I say I love that man. Anyway…. The pearl my dad gave me was a total mystery to me at the time. I won’t explain it here. I will leave with you as I received it. And you know what? I asked my dad about it and he has no recollection of saying it. But it was seared into my memory. Here’s the conversation: “Daddy why are we poor?” “We ain’t poor, we broke.”
I didn’t figure it out til I was 30 or so. Leave a comment when you figure it out.

Two other elders I’d like to mention ever so briefly, because they impacted me more than you, or they, will ever know are two White men. Is it significant that they are White, yes. Because they shared their knowledge of “their” world with me. The I won’t mention by name because he is known in the Columbia community and he might not want me to share his name in a public way. He was a mentor of sorts to me while I worked for the MO Dept of Education. His simple bit of wisdom was, “If you don’t have anything substantive to add to the discussion, it’s best to just be quiet.” Truer words were never spoken. Because, when you speak little, people listen more intently when you do have something to add.

The other person was Dr. Brown, my faculty advisor at Baker University. While I’m a little ashamed to admit it now, I used to be a hard right republican and was adamantly opposed to affirmative action. I wanted to make it purely on my merit. Then one day Dr. Brown told me that if a White person wanted to give me an opportunity because I was Black, take it and run. Don’t look back. And when I get their, then prove I was worth the shot. He said flatly, “white people, men especially are running the world so take you how ever you can get it.” I was still a righty republican, but what he said made sense. I took his advice and have never regretted it. Because you know what, he was right. I’m living with a 23 yr. old righty republican now. Full of the same piss and vinegar I had back then.

I only mention three here, but there are other Uncle’s, Aunts, Grand Mothers and Teachers I’ve gained from along the way. So now I look back with pride at their words and wisdom, while I look forward walking down the streets of Jhongli City, Taiwan, shoes shining bright, and thank the Lord above for good men and the good sense to listen to them.

Thanks J in Columbia. Thanks Dr. Brown where ever you are. And, Thanks Pop…. I love that man!