Darryl the Scizophrenic Panda 戴格智 精神分裂症大熊貓

Where in the World is D Today?

Trying to stay balanced in the off center situation that is my life. (I'm not really Scizophrenic, It is only a metaphor for what is to come as you read.)

Before I start, I have to throw a mad shout out to Lyn, Sean and Tim, henceforth know as Team Douglas. Without them I would have no chance at all at balance.

I am sitting on an outside patio at a tea shop near Starbucks. I think the temperature is about a million degrees. It’s just stupid crazy hot today. But, I’m in the shade and there’s a nice breeze so it ok. There’s a gazillion people in Starbucks so I needed to find someplace else to chill.

I’m trying to decide on writing bullet points or the usual narrative. Hmmm………. Ok Free-write stream of conscious it’s going to be. Hope you can understand my scattered brain-ness.

I have two lives. One life in U.S.A ........*Long Pause* I just got interrupted my a very nice older woman. She just came up and started looking over my shoulder at the computer. My response… Mmmm…. Hello?... One hour later, we just finished our conversation. Dang I forgot to get a picture! As I was saying…..

I have two lives. One life in the U.S.A and one in Taiwan. Life number one in the U.S.A. is taking it’s toll on me. Six months ago, I had planned to sell the house, but NOT right away. That time table has been moved to NOW not later. This is where the previous shout out comes in. I can’t manage this from Taiwan. I NEED the help of others. Sean, Tim and Lyn have been my A Team with Lyn as Captain. All the details are too difficult to explain here. But suffice it to say it’s a complicated process of phone calls and emails involving friends, family, bankers, lawyers, and a real estate agent, Alicia who will get a euber shout out if she can sell my house quickly without me losing a bunch of money. (It’s a really good house. Somebody go buy it! Right NOW! I don’t know if the power of suggestion works here, but it certainly can’t hurt.)

This move has caught us all off guard. Things happen in life. In my clear state of mind I will say simply ‘you play the cards you are dealt’. I might want an Ace of Diamonds, but I was dealt a 3 of Clubs. There is nothing I can do about it. I have to make the 3 of Clubs work until the next hand. I am able to stay clear in my head only with the love and support of others! And unlike a typical card game where you keep your cards hidden, I can show my cards to others and ask them what the best way is to make that crazy 3 of Clubs work when all the other cards are Diamonds. So lately there has been a lot of questions like that start, “What if…” or “Maybe we can…” and “But what about…” Then there is trying to anticipate the play of people at the table. “If I do ____, then maybe they will _____.

Caught unwittingly in the middle of this Tim. When the house is sold, he and I become in Homeless. That is not a good feeling. We have only talked about it in a superficial but usually practical way. BUT, my guess is this is having a profound emotional impact on him. I am sure it is on Sean. He has always been the most sensitive, in a good way, of the three of us. (Boys if you’re reading this, remember how much I love you and how we’ve always managed to get through before. And Tim, remember the Always Lasting promise I made when you were a baby.)

On to life number 2, Life in Taiwan… Life in Taiwan is generally good. I’ve made some good friends. I love the food and people in general. I have a job I like. I have a decent apartment in walking distance of my job. Really life is good here. So what else could I want? Hmmm What else could a SINGLE guy want? I’ll give you three guess’. No, Red Sox season tickets was a good guess, but the commute from Jhongli is too difficult. Try agan. No. A seemingly reasonable guess, but anyone who really knows me, knows it has NEVER been about ‘the booty’ for me. If it were just about sex, I could walk 5 minutes in any direction from my apartment and handle that. Try again, last chance. Yes! A girlfriend, and maybe that could lead to a good wife.

(I am opening up a generally very private part of my life. It’s a little scary. I’ve written a couple of paragraphs and this is getting long. So will finish in the next blog post. Look for something referencing lonely panda’s. I haven’t thought of a good title yet.)

The Apples of My Eye

Where in the World is D Today?

Somewhere thinking about his sons.

I am blessed with good genes when it comes to not looking my age. Or Taiwanese people are really bad at guessing my age. I prefer to believe it is more the good genes; Combined with a reasonable diet, exercise, and drinking LOTS of water.

So at the age of 48, yes you read that right, I find myself still standing at the crossroads of being a “Grown Up” or being… well goofy. (More about Crossroads is coming in another blog entry.) If you know anything about me, I lean heavily towards goofy.

Having said that, I am a constant thinker and worrier. I had to grow up early in my life. First of all, it often was not always safe were I grew up. My family knows what I speak of with that statement. If you want to know, you will have to ask me face to face. That dark past will not be a feature of this blog. Anyway………

At the age of 48, you should not be surprised to know that I was once married. I have two wonderful boys, Sean who is 25 years old and married to Marcy. And Tim who is 20 years old and has just finished his Sophomore year at Knox College in Galesburg, Illinois. I was a single parent. Time were on occaision very difficult but we learned how to take care of one another. I Love them more than my own life. There is nothing my boys can not ask of me. Sometimes the answer is No, because I love them, but they respect me enough not to ask for the ridiculous. So I don’t say no very often. But I also raised them to be independent and self-sufficient, so they don’t ask often either. So when they ask I know it serious. The parents out there understand, Those wanting to be parents will understand someday.

I still giggle out loud when I say this out loud, and my family can vouch for this. But, I NEVER wanted kids when I was younger. I say without reservation, my children have been without question the Greatest source of Joy I’ve had in my life. I am so blessed by them. I miss them terribly here in Taiwan. But I also would not be in Taiwan if it were not for them.

They wanted me to come. To have an adventure, and be able to experience more of what life has to offer; things you can’t do when you’re raising kids. (Boys I hope I characterized our multiple conversations appropriately in that one sentence.)

So now let me introduce to you the two true loves of my life; The Apples of their fathers Eyes, Sean and Tim. The first picture is of Sean (left), Sharese – their cousin, and Tim (right). Yes, Sharese is that short! The women in my family are not blessed with great height. The next picture is of me and the boys on the day of Sean’s wedding. The third picture is one on my Favorite pictures of Sean with his wife Marcy. (I will now acknowledge your curiosity at this point. No Sean does not look Black/African-American. He sometimes like to call himself “White Chocolate” which makes everyone both giggle and roll their eyes. And yes, there is more to the story. BUT, I assure you he is MY son.) And the last is one of my favorite pictures of Tim. He was the lead singer and bassist for the band Thunderclap Douglas and the Eight Track Groove.