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Letters to Lisa Part 7
Bad Driving Theory (Are Your Eyes Open or are You Using the Force?!)
Dateline: Early April
Dear Lisa,
This letter is kinda long. Get some coffee and a muffin.
I’ve told you, and anyone else who would listen, how terrible and dangerous the road are here. And me being the chronic “thinker” that I am really wants to make sense of this. I want to figure this out for different reasons: 1) survival of the fittest. My daily brush’s with physical harm is a tremendous incentive! 2) Taiwan people seem to have a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality in relationship to motor vehicles and walking. They walk at a snails pace on the sidewalk, but drive like someone set their hair on fire. 3) There seems to be no moral compass or logic when it comes to driving, parking and spacial relationships.
Having read those comments, you might think that I hate it here. On the contrary! I like it here very much. I just want to understand. Is it part of Taiwan’s culture to drive bad? Here’s my theory, based on nothing more than my observation and meandering experience.
I am no social scientist or expert on Taiwan history and am a relatively smart guy. This is what I know for sure. Taiwan came to the Industrialization party late. Taiwan industrialized about 50 years ago. And they did it very quickly.
Unlike the US, who developed the motor vehicle and use of it and roads over many, many years. It seems Taiwan got these things, motorbikes and cars, fully developed with virtually no idea how to use them “properly”. One day they had bicycles and the next they had a motorbike. Logic, or at least my logic, dictates that if you give somebody a new machine with no rules or history on using the dang thing, then you will develop a lot of very BAD habits, very quickly. If there are no boundaries at the beginning, the first uses of these machines become the norm and are passed from on generation to the next. With each generation habits remain the same but the advancement in technology, the machines get stronger and faster. The need to do things fast and efficient in a sense drives a self serving need on the roads, leading to what I, with my US sensibilities, would call very reckless and care-less driving. People just don’t care about others on the road.
Does that stem from an uncaring heart? I don’t think so. It’s got to be cultural….right. It would seemingly stem from the need to get from point A to point B as quickly as possible. I understand that. What don’t understand is the seemingly lack of acknowledgement that some practices are inherently dangerous and what one person does effects the others around him/her causing of chain reaction of events with the other drivers. If it were one person behaving in this way, no problem, but, everyone behaving this way, creates a never ending stream of negative actions and reactions, making traffic slower, not faster. For instance; A bus has stopped because it wants to turn left. Several people pass the bus, on the left hand side and crossing over the yellow center line to do so. The bus can’t turn and people in the oncoming lane have to avoid the person/people that are passing the bus. It creates all sorts of turmoil beside and behind them. All of this is not to mention what’s happening on the right side of the bus with scooter and cars trying to pass there. Now add me and several other people who are walking along the side of the road because there is no sidewalk or because there is no place to walk on the sidewalk because scooters are parked there. My ten minute walk to school is always some combination of shock, fear, annoyance and sometimes humor. (I learning not to take it so seriously.)
Maybe there is some sort of symbiotic relationship with Taiwan people and driving. One that I just can’t see because you’d think there would be dead people lying all over the place. There isn’t. I know a little about Chaos Theory, not much but a little. In Chaos Theory, everything looks totally random on the surface, but if you study it long enough, you’ll see patterns. Again, just another stab in the dark to find some meaning.
I have no doubt that if you grew up in this mass of driving craziness you might not see the inherent problems in it. But maybe they do. I know many people do. I know people in Taiwan who do not ride scooters or will not allow their children to ride scooters because the traffic is too dangerous. Also, you can ask ANYONE if the traffic is dangerous and they will give you an unequivocal YES.
I know there are established laws and rules of the road. Just like the US, you have to have, or at least you’re supposed to have, a drivers license. And to get a drivers license you have to take a test about the rules, etc. You see where this is going, right. But the rules just simply don’t apply. It really is every man for himself, survival of the fittest.
Yes, I know, the US, especially Columbia with its college students, has it’s share of knuckle heads behind the wheel. But it still is NOT a common practice, as it is here, to honk your horn to warn other drivers that you are running a red light. As if, honking your horn first somehow makes it more safe or acceptable.
There are Public Service Announcements for people to use the cross walk. That’s great, but what would be better would be if drivers actually acknowledged the cross walks. It doesn’t matter if you’re in the cross walk, the rule of the road is cars and motorbikes first, pedestrians second. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve almost been hit in the cross walk usually from behind or being blind-sided. It is also a very common practice to ride your motorbike on the wrong side of the road going in the wrong direction.
I’ve learned to look 360 degrees when I cross the street, but people seem to come out of nowhere sometimes. And some look at me like, “What are you doing?! Get out of the way you idiot.” Dude! You’re the one on the wrong side of the road going the wrong way! But most people don’t acknowledge me, as a person, at all. I’m just another obstacle to negotiate in their path. But here’s the trick. As I’m trying not to get hit by this person, I sometimes almost get hit by another person that is going around the person on the motorcycle that is about to run over the idiot foreigner in the road. People, I’m in the crosswalk!!!!! Are your eyes open or are you just using the force!
The key is adaptability. Remember the survival of the fittest nature of the road. I’m still a brown rabbit in the arctic, but I’ve adapted. My vision and hearing has improved. So I can usually see or hear the wolf or hawk that’s trying to eat me before it’s too late. But even the keenest rabbit can get eaten. I only hope they can find smaller weaker rabbit to eat in stead of me. Hahaha!!! I plan to be an old grey haired rabbit that will die fat and happy in his bed.
Sorry, this turned into another rant about the traffic. Back to the Conclusion of my Theory…
Everyone knows the right way to drive. Everyone knows that traffic is dangerous. BUT, nobody is going to change. I believe, the driving practices here are too embedded in the culture. They began badly and now it’s the norm. Rules, laws, are merely suggestions. The police seem to acknowledge this. It is a rare event to see someone stopped for a traffic violation.
A world view perspective is I know there are much worse drivers in the world than Taiwan people. I’m told surviving on the roads in India is nothing short of heroic. You’ve got to deal with crazy traffic AND cows!
So, as I say my prayers at night, and I do say my prayers at night, I thank God everyday that I didn’t get hurt and I didn’t have to avoid crashing into a cow. (Ironically, something I actually have had to do in the US while attending Baker U. Lots of farms around there with the occasional stray cow.)
Sorry for that rant in the middle.
Wish me luck.
D
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Letters to Lisa Part 6
Letters to Lisa Part 6
Paul
Dateline: March
Dear Lisa,
I’ve been talking to Paul a lot more lately. He doesn’t frighten me anymore. I understand him more now. He is actually a pretty cool guy. Intense yes, but it comes out of a passion for this school, these kids, and the desire to have good teachers for them. In this, Paul and I are identical. We both tend to be extremely sensitive. I was too sensitive to him before, hence my fear and uncomfortableness. He bounces ideas off me now regarding things in the office and life in general.
Paul is now one of the few people I actually spend time in conversation with. What a turn of events that is! And as I learn more about the school and see some of the things he deals with regularly, I have a better understanding of why he “seems” so intense. He has frustration from some really ridiculous situations that I’m afraid I can not talk to you about. (You’re a manager so I know you understand personnel stuff.) But I get it now. I’m his sounding board now.
Sometimes we strongly disagree on things, but it’s always work. We know work is work, and relationship is relationship. If we get into about a work issue, we can still be friends afterward. It’s nice to be able to do that. There’s usually a little bit of a short cooling down period after, then everything’s ok.
Paul told me recently he’s moving back to Thailand, were he taught before. If I have a Taiwanese soul, Paul’s is in Thailand. I wish him well and will miss his camaraderie in the office.
Everything else is just daily life. I get up, go to work, go home, relax (eat dinner, watch a movie, talk to friends etc.), go to bed and do it all over the next day. Life he is just like in America. You have routines you follow as you live your life. The only difference here is everything is in Chinese. I am ever aware of being a foreigner. On the days, I don’t think about or feel my foreign-ness are good days. It means I didn’t get any crazy looks, nobody asked me to take a picture, and I was able to communicate in Chinese relatively easily. Those are very good days!
Zijian, (See you later)
D
Paul… Post Script. It’s the end of May now and Paul has moved back to Thailand. I’m the Lead Teacher now. Meaning, I’m the intense asshole everyone treads lightly around. I so completely understand why Paul was grouchy at times. It’s funny how life is so circular sometimes. My boss even comments sometimes..”You remind me so much of Paul.” In this case, I take it as a compliment because I know it’s meant as such.
Paul
Dateline: March
Dear Lisa,
I’ve been talking to Paul a lot more lately. He doesn’t frighten me anymore. I understand him more now. He is actually a pretty cool guy. Intense yes, but it comes out of a passion for this school, these kids, and the desire to have good teachers for them. In this, Paul and I are identical. We both tend to be extremely sensitive. I was too sensitive to him before, hence my fear and uncomfortableness. He bounces ideas off me now regarding things in the office and life in general.
Paul is now one of the few people I actually spend time in conversation with. What a turn of events that is! And as I learn more about the school and see some of the things he deals with regularly, I have a better understanding of why he “seems” so intense. He has frustration from some really ridiculous situations that I’m afraid I can not talk to you about. (You’re a manager so I know you understand personnel stuff.) But I get it now. I’m his sounding board now.
Sometimes we strongly disagree on things, but it’s always work. We know work is work, and relationship is relationship. If we get into about a work issue, we can still be friends afterward. It’s nice to be able to do that. There’s usually a little bit of a short cooling down period after, then everything’s ok.
Paul told me recently he’s moving back to Thailand, were he taught before. If I have a Taiwanese soul, Paul’s is in Thailand. I wish him well and will miss his camaraderie in the office.
Everything else is just daily life. I get up, go to work, go home, relax (eat dinner, watch a movie, talk to friends etc.), go to bed and do it all over the next day. Life he is just like in America. You have routines you follow as you live your life. The only difference here is everything is in Chinese. I am ever aware of being a foreigner. On the days, I don’t think about or feel my foreign-ness are good days. It means I didn’t get any crazy looks, nobody asked me to take a picture, and I was able to communicate in Chinese relatively easily. Those are very good days!
Zijian, (See you later)
D
Paul… Post Script. It’s the end of May now and Paul has moved back to Thailand. I’m the Lead Teacher now. Meaning, I’m the intense asshole everyone treads lightly around. I so completely understand why Paul was grouchy at times. It’s funny how life is so circular sometimes. My boss even comments sometimes..”You remind me so much of Paul.” In this case, I take it as a compliment because I know it’s meant as such.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Letters to Lisa
The next series of post will be dedicated to my friend Lisa.
I know there are different people who like to read the blog, so they can keep up with me. But when I was home in January, Lisa, more than anyone, encouraged me to keep up the blog. She wanted vicariously in Taiwan through me. Well… if you've read the blog in the past, you know I have been terrible at keeping up the blog this year.
I didn’t write for a long time simply because it just was not safe for me to do. “People” were reading my blog and giving me no peace. It caused more grief than it was worth to me. So for my own sanity, I went quiet.
Now, I’m more comfortable writing and every time I think of the blog, I think of Lisa and feel a little guilty for not writing. So Lisa, this is for you…. Let us begin.
Part 1, the 15 minute girlfriend.......
I know there are different people who like to read the blog, so they can keep up with me. But when I was home in January, Lisa, more than anyone, encouraged me to keep up the blog. She wanted vicariously in Taiwan through me. Well… if you've read the blog in the past, you know I have been terrible at keeping up the blog this year.
I didn’t write for a long time simply because it just was not safe for me to do. “People” were reading my blog and giving me no peace. It caused more grief than it was worth to me. So for my own sanity, I went quiet.
Now, I’m more comfortable writing and every time I think of the blog, I think of Lisa and feel a little guilty for not writing. So Lisa, this is for you…. Let us begin.
Part 1, the 15 minute girlfriend.......
Letter to Lisa part 1
Letter to Lisa, Part 1
The 15 Minute Girlfriend.
Dateline: the end of February
Dear Lisa,
I made it back to Taiwan safely. If you ever come to visit, take Eva Airline, they’re great!!!
Some parts of this story is rated somewhere between PG13 and NC17. You can decide if you want Kurt to read it. haha
On my way back I really looked forward to seeing my friends, but one in particular. (While I am very confident she will not be reading this blog, I’ll change her name to …. Hmmmm Nancy.) Nancy is from Thailand. I actually showed you a very unflattering picture of her when I was home. In person she’s REALLY cute. When I was home there was nothing more than friendship between us, but deep, deep, deep, deep down (OK, maybe not that deep), I hoped it might be more in the future. So after I got back, I said why not give it a shot. There seemed to be some interest on her part. Her English wasn’t great, but good enough. I gave up on trying to learn Thai about 20 minutes into trying.
After a little effort things seemed to be going in a positive direction. Then “IT” happened. Wink, wink .. When I saw her naked, I wanted to salute the flag of Thailand, and the sex definitely made me want to defect!! It was one of those rare occasions were fantasy and reality collide. It took about a gallon of orange juice, 12 hours of sleep and a half bottle of ibuprofen to recover. In all seriousness, Nothing can make a smart man stupid faster than a hot woman….. and sports. But my daddy didn’t raise no fools, OK!
I’ve always been the type of guy who gives his heart too easily, but I’m not a young man any more so the giving of my heart is always tinged with caution. Living as a foreigner who makes well above the average Taiwan salary, I have to be careful. There’s a line from a Kanye West song that applies here, “I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger…” But better safe than sorry.
It quickly became clear our relationship was… very complex in it’s simplicity. We talked a lot about home, family.. you know all the stuff people talk about when getting to know each other. But as you peel away the layers it came down to she liked my wallet and I liked her body. On days when I was going to see her, I took my vitamins and she made room in her purse. Thus the relationship lasted a metaphorical 15 minutes. A fool and his money are soon parted. Well remember, my daddy didn't raise no fools.
At the end we both called no harm, no foul. No hard feeling for either of us. We both got what we wanted out of the relationship such as it was. I actually ran into not long ago. It was a cordial friendly meeting. I was glad about that, but double checked if I still had my wallet when I walked away. :-)
There’s actually a Taiwanese woman I like quite a lot, but I don’t think I’m in her league. I’ll keep you posted. Until then..
D
The 15 Minute Girlfriend.
Dateline: the end of February
Dear Lisa,
I made it back to Taiwan safely. If you ever come to visit, take Eva Airline, they’re great!!!
Some parts of this story is rated somewhere between PG13 and NC17. You can decide if you want Kurt to read it. haha
On my way back I really looked forward to seeing my friends, but one in particular. (While I am very confident she will not be reading this blog, I’ll change her name to …. Hmmmm Nancy.) Nancy is from Thailand. I actually showed you a very unflattering picture of her when I was home. In person she’s REALLY cute. When I was home there was nothing more than friendship between us, but deep, deep, deep, deep down (OK, maybe not that deep), I hoped it might be more in the future. So after I got back, I said why not give it a shot. There seemed to be some interest on her part. Her English wasn’t great, but good enough. I gave up on trying to learn Thai about 20 minutes into trying.
After a little effort things seemed to be going in a positive direction. Then “IT” happened. Wink, wink .. When I saw her naked, I wanted to salute the flag of Thailand, and the sex definitely made me want to defect!! It was one of those rare occasions were fantasy and reality collide. It took about a gallon of orange juice, 12 hours of sleep and a half bottle of ibuprofen to recover. In all seriousness, Nothing can make a smart man stupid faster than a hot woman….. and sports. But my daddy didn’t raise no fools, OK!
I’ve always been the type of guy who gives his heart too easily, but I’m not a young man any more so the giving of my heart is always tinged with caution. Living as a foreigner who makes well above the average Taiwan salary, I have to be careful. There’s a line from a Kanye West song that applies here, “I ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold digger…” But better safe than sorry.
It quickly became clear our relationship was… very complex in it’s simplicity. We talked a lot about home, family.. you know all the stuff people talk about when getting to know each other. But as you peel away the layers it came down to she liked my wallet and I liked her body. On days when I was going to see her, I took my vitamins and she made room in her purse. Thus the relationship lasted a metaphorical 15 minutes. A fool and his money are soon parted. Well remember, my daddy didn't raise no fools.
At the end we both called no harm, no foul. No hard feeling for either of us. We both got what we wanted out of the relationship such as it was. I actually ran into not long ago. It was a cordial friendly meeting. I was glad about that, but double checked if I still had my wallet when I walked away. :-)
There’s actually a Taiwanese woman I like quite a lot, but I don’t think I’m in her league. I’ll keep you posted. Until then..
D
Letter to Lisa part 2
Letters to Lisa Part 2
Work and Paul makes me crazy!!
Dateline: March
Dear Lisa,
Everything is going ok. My third graders are so cute! I really love these kids. I’m most happy when I’m in the classroom. No news on the Taiwanese woman I mentioned before. We go to the movies and dinner, but ALWAYS in a group. It’s really hard to get to know her. Chinese women are a tough nut to crack.
(As a quick aside here. I will use the terms Taiwanese, Taiwain People and Chinese interchangeably. These are all words that people in Taiwan use to describe themselves. After being here a year, I have a sense of when and with whom to use each term. But it’s too complicated to detail here. We can talk about it the next time I come home to visit. For now just know it all means the same thing.)
At work we have two new foreign teachers. Tina is ABC (American Born Chinese). She was actually born in Taiwan, then her family migrated to American when she was 2 years old, is a naturalized citizen and carries a US passport. She seems a sweet girl. 26 years old, funny and strangely innocent. Getting to know her will be interesting. The other new teacher is Oliver. He’s my age and from New Zealand. But get this, he’s as black as I am. When he told me he was from New Zealand, my response was “HUH?!” His story is even more complicated than mine. The short version: born in South Africa, but is of India decent. Grew up in S. Africa had a family, moved to New Zealand 13 yrs. ago, became a citizen there. Recently divorced and now teaching in Taiwan. Oliver is a funny dude. Light-hearted and kind. I look forward to getting to know him better.
Now, let me tell you about Paul. Paul is British and…..very intense. He is also the Lead Teacher amongst the foreign teachers. All of our lesson plans flow through Paul. I used to worry that I could never get them right. Well because quite frankly, I couldn’t. But I’m learning to write my plans in a way that work for him. The more we talk about my plans I’m learning that problem is in terminology, not in the idea or even the application. But because of his rather intense nature, we’re all afraid of Paul. I sit next to him. He’s a movie buff like me. So when we talk movies it’s great. When we talk work, I say little and just listen. My motto is it’s better to be the devil’s ally than be in his path. I wish the other teachers would learn this. We’d all be happier.
Paul is definitely on the inside with the Chinese administration here at school. They love him. I don’t get it. he’s rude and ill-tempered. But, maybe that’s just the difference in my mid-west U.S. upbringing and his British/European, “we’re god’s gift to the world” upbringing. BTW, Europeans in Taiwan do truly have an elitist air about them. And they really think American is stupid. Canadians are a little better, but only marginally so.
Anyway, Paul is special, and he scares the crap out of me. Everything I say to him is always safe.
Wish me luck.
D
Work and Paul makes me crazy!!
Dateline: March
Dear Lisa,
Everything is going ok. My third graders are so cute! I really love these kids. I’m most happy when I’m in the classroom. No news on the Taiwanese woman I mentioned before. We go to the movies and dinner, but ALWAYS in a group. It’s really hard to get to know her. Chinese women are a tough nut to crack.
(As a quick aside here. I will use the terms Taiwanese, Taiwain People and Chinese interchangeably. These are all words that people in Taiwan use to describe themselves. After being here a year, I have a sense of when and with whom to use each term. But it’s too complicated to detail here. We can talk about it the next time I come home to visit. For now just know it all means the same thing.)
At work we have two new foreign teachers. Tina is ABC (American Born Chinese). She was actually born in Taiwan, then her family migrated to American when she was 2 years old, is a naturalized citizen and carries a US passport. She seems a sweet girl. 26 years old, funny and strangely innocent. Getting to know her will be interesting. The other new teacher is Oliver. He’s my age and from New Zealand. But get this, he’s as black as I am. When he told me he was from New Zealand, my response was “HUH?!” His story is even more complicated than mine. The short version: born in South Africa, but is of India decent. Grew up in S. Africa had a family, moved to New Zealand 13 yrs. ago, became a citizen there. Recently divorced and now teaching in Taiwan. Oliver is a funny dude. Light-hearted and kind. I look forward to getting to know him better.
Now, let me tell you about Paul. Paul is British and…..very intense. He is also the Lead Teacher amongst the foreign teachers. All of our lesson plans flow through Paul. I used to worry that I could never get them right. Well because quite frankly, I couldn’t. But I’m learning to write my plans in a way that work for him. The more we talk about my plans I’m learning that problem is in terminology, not in the idea or even the application. But because of his rather intense nature, we’re all afraid of Paul. I sit next to him. He’s a movie buff like me. So when we talk movies it’s great. When we talk work, I say little and just listen. My motto is it’s better to be the devil’s ally than be in his path. I wish the other teachers would learn this. We’d all be happier.
Paul is definitely on the inside with the Chinese administration here at school. They love him. I don’t get it. he’s rude and ill-tempered. But, maybe that’s just the difference in my mid-west U.S. upbringing and his British/European, “we’re god’s gift to the world” upbringing. BTW, Europeans in Taiwan do truly have an elitist air about them. And they really think American is stupid. Canadians are a little better, but only marginally so.
Anyway, Paul is special, and he scares the crap out of me. Everything I say to him is always safe.
Wish me luck.
D
Letter to Lisa part 3
Letters to Lisa Part 3
I see White People!
Dateline: everyday
Dear Lisa,
I’m still trying to get my brain around some parts of Taiwan culture. The only that I find most difficult and troubling is the notion that to be white is to be beautiful and the whiter the better.
Growing up, I was always …. different. I was often accused of wanting to be white. While I fully admit that when I was a kid there were times I often had much difficulty in expressing or identifying with my afro-centricity, BUT, I never wanted to be white. I knew that there was more the word had to offer than what I was getting in my neighborhood. I genuinely believed Jessie Jackson back in 1978 when he said, “you might have been born in the ghetto, but the ghetto wasn’t born in you.” I say all of that to give context to the rest of this letter. I’m different in America, but I am definitely Black. My whole experience in the world revolves around being Black, Male, and born at a time when segregation was still the law of the land in America.
Now you know me. I ain’t got no beef with white people. But I do like who I am. I know racism is still a critical issue in American, in spite of Barrack Obama being elected president. This is something Taiwan people really have a tough time understanding. They really America in it’s purest, most ideal, best.
Taiwan is a very, very small island. I once said that Chicago was close to my home. Maybe only an 8 hour drive. They were shocked that I considered that close. You drive 8 hours in Taiwan and you will either be in the Sea of Japan, the Pacific Ocean, or you’ve drive around the whole island 1 and a third times!! Meaning, Taiwan is very homogeneous. They have different (races for lack of a better term). There are Taiwanese, Hakka, and Aboriginal, Taiwan’s Indians, people. But culturally, they are all very much the same. America, by contrast, is a mish-mash of people from everywhere, and while we are all American, we do have very different cultures based on race, geography, original country of origin. You get the idea.
But we’ve also worked pretty hard to rid America of the notion that one color of skin is superior than another. That is NOT the case in Taiwan. Whiter is better, period, end of discussion. AND White people (foreigners) definitely get preferential treatment. They know it and act accordingly. I know my Taiwan friends will cringe and strongly protest that I’ve said such a thing. But from my perspective and more importantly my experience in Taiwan, I say it IS a true statement, made without malice or discontent.
Now, having said that, does it mean, they don’t like me because I’m black, NO. Black people are seen largely through the view of stereotypes. We’re strong, good athletes, good singers and dancers. All qualities that Taiwanese people really like! And even some famous black actors and sings are seen as handsome or beautiful. But if given the choice to ‘look like’ me or a white person, they would choose the white person. There is a saying in Chinese, “one white can cure/cover three uglies.” I wonder were this thinking comes from? But, I do say have very dear and special friends in Taiwan. I have a good life because of them.
I have talked to Chinese people about white people in the context of beauty and the most beautiful women are white, blond hair and blue eyes. I have even seen this play out with Taiwan boys all mid 20’s. This white girl walked by and they all got giddy and excited!! My response was, “DUDE!! Cut it out! There was nothing special about that girl. In my home that girl was totally average. She looked ok, but nothing worth that response.” Columbia is a total college town. You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a cute white girl with blond hair. So I was totally under-whelmed. But you would have thought a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model just walked by. And just for the record, they say pretty much the same thing to me when I talk about the beauty of Chinese women.
The next mark of beauty is thin. But that’s a letter for another day.
In the meantime, I will continue to try and understand the beauty of white. Recently I heard a conversation between two women. I am NOT making this up! It went like this….
Woman Number 1: Hi, Nice to meet you.
Woman Number 2: Hi, Nice to meet you too.
Woman Number 1: You are so white.
Woman Number 2: Thank You!! (Big Smile)
Yeah, I’m NEVER gonna understand that. I am so tempted to say it when I see a friend. I wonder what she will say?
D
I see White People!
Dateline: everyday
Dear Lisa,
I’m still trying to get my brain around some parts of Taiwan culture. The only that I find most difficult and troubling is the notion that to be white is to be beautiful and the whiter the better.
Growing up, I was always …. different. I was often accused of wanting to be white. While I fully admit that when I was a kid there were times I often had much difficulty in expressing or identifying with my afro-centricity, BUT, I never wanted to be white. I knew that there was more the word had to offer than what I was getting in my neighborhood. I genuinely believed Jessie Jackson back in 1978 when he said, “you might have been born in the ghetto, but the ghetto wasn’t born in you.” I say all of that to give context to the rest of this letter. I’m different in America, but I am definitely Black. My whole experience in the world revolves around being Black, Male, and born at a time when segregation was still the law of the land in America.
Now you know me. I ain’t got no beef with white people. But I do like who I am. I know racism is still a critical issue in American, in spite of Barrack Obama being elected president. This is something Taiwan people really have a tough time understanding. They really America in it’s purest, most ideal, best.
Taiwan is a very, very small island. I once said that Chicago was close to my home. Maybe only an 8 hour drive. They were shocked that I considered that close. You drive 8 hours in Taiwan and you will either be in the Sea of Japan, the Pacific Ocean, or you’ve drive around the whole island 1 and a third times!! Meaning, Taiwan is very homogeneous. They have different (races for lack of a better term). There are Taiwanese, Hakka, and Aboriginal, Taiwan’s Indians, people. But culturally, they are all very much the same. America, by contrast, is a mish-mash of people from everywhere, and while we are all American, we do have very different cultures based on race, geography, original country of origin. You get the idea.
But we’ve also worked pretty hard to rid America of the notion that one color of skin is superior than another. That is NOT the case in Taiwan. Whiter is better, period, end of discussion. AND White people (foreigners) definitely get preferential treatment. They know it and act accordingly. I know my Taiwan friends will cringe and strongly protest that I’ve said such a thing. But from my perspective and more importantly my experience in Taiwan, I say it IS a true statement, made without malice or discontent.
Now, having said that, does it mean, they don’t like me because I’m black, NO. Black people are seen largely through the view of stereotypes. We’re strong, good athletes, good singers and dancers. All qualities that Taiwanese people really like! And even some famous black actors and sings are seen as handsome or beautiful. But if given the choice to ‘look like’ me or a white person, they would choose the white person. There is a saying in Chinese, “one white can cure/cover three uglies.” I wonder were this thinking comes from? But, I do say have very dear and special friends in Taiwan. I have a good life because of them.
I have talked to Chinese people about white people in the context of beauty and the most beautiful women are white, blond hair and blue eyes. I have even seen this play out with Taiwan boys all mid 20’s. This white girl walked by and they all got giddy and excited!! My response was, “DUDE!! Cut it out! There was nothing special about that girl. In my home that girl was totally average. She looked ok, but nothing worth that response.” Columbia is a total college town. You can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a cute white girl with blond hair. So I was totally under-whelmed. But you would have thought a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model just walked by. And just for the record, they say pretty much the same thing to me when I talk about the beauty of Chinese women.
The next mark of beauty is thin. But that’s a letter for another day.
In the meantime, I will continue to try and understand the beauty of white. Recently I heard a conversation between two women. I am NOT making this up! It went like this….
Woman Number 1: Hi, Nice to meet you.
Woman Number 2: Hi, Nice to meet you too.
Woman Number 1: You are so white.
Woman Number 2: Thank You!! (Big Smile)
Yeah, I’m NEVER gonna understand that. I am so tempted to say it when I see a friend. I wonder what she will say?
D
Letter to Lisa part 4
Letter to Lisa Part 4
Chinese Teacher, “The Other Woman” and Chinese Culture
Dateline: March
Dear Lisa,
I don’t have a Chinese Teacher anymore. My teacher is a graduate student in Astronomy. Studying astro-physics isn’t easy on a simple day, but her workload has increase as she is getting close to graduating this summer and she has to finish her thesis. I’m kinda bummed about this. I wasn’t always the best student, but knowing I had a lesson on Saturday did keep me a little honest.
Mei-Ling is a very good teacher and friend. I’ll miss meeting with her very much.
You remember back in February I told you there was a Taiwanese woman I liked. At this point, I give up. She is what people would say is very beautiful in a Chinese way. Meaning she looks very Chinese, not Taiwanese. Yeah, I know it difficult to understand, but living here I sort of get. I think it is part of what I can only say is Taiwan’s schizophrenic relationship to Mainland China. Anyway, the nut has been too difficult to crack. She is in her 40’s like me, never married and very very nice, but also very shy. I just don’t know what to do or say more. I can’t tell if she likes me or not. People give me advice but I never know what to do. You see, the advice of others also changes with different people and sometimes even with the same people.
It is always a moving target. I’m sure it makes some sense to Chinese people, but to me the women here are a complete mystery. Understanding American women was no walk in the park for me, but at least I understood the cultural boundaries. In Taiwan, all bets are off. Man/Woman “friendship” and dating is beyond me. But I know there’s hope. There just has to be. This is another case, sadly, where white is definitely a preference. Goofy looking, loser white guys can get a “girlfriend” here with seemingly little effort.
Again, I can only say that it seems to be something embedded in Taiwan culture that I haven’t unlocked yet. But, in time, I’ll figure it out.
Time is my friend.
Darryl
Chinese Teacher, “The Other Woman” and Chinese Culture
Dateline: March
Dear Lisa,
I don’t have a Chinese Teacher anymore. My teacher is a graduate student in Astronomy. Studying astro-physics isn’t easy on a simple day, but her workload has increase as she is getting close to graduating this summer and she has to finish her thesis. I’m kinda bummed about this. I wasn’t always the best student, but knowing I had a lesson on Saturday did keep me a little honest.
Mei-Ling is a very good teacher and friend. I’ll miss meeting with her very much.
You remember back in February I told you there was a Taiwanese woman I liked. At this point, I give up. She is what people would say is very beautiful in a Chinese way. Meaning she looks very Chinese, not Taiwanese. Yeah, I know it difficult to understand, but living here I sort of get. I think it is part of what I can only say is Taiwan’s schizophrenic relationship to Mainland China. Anyway, the nut has been too difficult to crack. She is in her 40’s like me, never married and very very nice, but also very shy. I just don’t know what to do or say more. I can’t tell if she likes me or not. People give me advice but I never know what to do. You see, the advice of others also changes with different people and sometimes even with the same people.
It is always a moving target. I’m sure it makes some sense to Chinese people, but to me the women here are a complete mystery. Understanding American women was no walk in the park for me, but at least I understood the cultural boundaries. In Taiwan, all bets are off. Man/Woman “friendship” and dating is beyond me. But I know there’s hope. There just has to be. This is another case, sadly, where white is definitely a preference. Goofy looking, loser white guys can get a “girlfriend” here with seemingly little effort.
Again, I can only say that it seems to be something embedded in Taiwan culture that I haven’t unlocked yet. But, in time, I’ll figure it out.
Time is my friend.
Darryl
Letter to Lisa part 5
Letters to Lisa Part 5
Pubs, Discos, and Bars
Dateline: everyday
Dear Lisa,
I have two basic groups of friends in Taiwan. I have Pub friends and non-pub friends. My non-pub friends are quite literally shocked when I tell them there are pubs in Jhongli. I am quite literally shocked in return at this acknowledgement. I’ve had this conversation many times with non-pub friends:
Me: I’m going to the Pub tonight.
Friend: There are pubs in Jhongli?
Me: You’re joking right?!
Friend: No. Really. There are pubs in Jhongli?
Me: You are from Jhongli, right.
Friend. Yes.
Me: You grew up here, right?
Friend: Right.
Me: And you have no idea that there are pubs in Jhongli?!
Friend: Really. Where are pubs located in Jhongli?
Me: About a 3 minute walk from here.
Friend: REALLY?!?!
Me: REALLY!!
Friend: How many pubs?
Me: In 3 minutes you can walk to umm…(thinking) 6 pubs. That’s not counting the “bad” KTV’s.
Friend: “Bad” KTV’s?
Me: Stay focused, that’s another conversation, but yes, bad ktv.
Friend: OK, 6 pubs in three minutes walking.
Me: Yeah, but I walk like Taiwan people ride motor scooters. You walking might be 7 minutes.
Friend: (Laughing)
Me: In 3 minutes, I can get to 6 pubs. If I walk 10 minutes I can get to 20 pubs. Again, not counting the bad KTV’s.
Friend: 20?!?!
Me: Dude, I’ve been in Taiwan 1 year. You’ve been here your whole life. How do you not know this?!
Friend: 20 pubs. How do you know where all the pubs are? I get bored and walk everywhere. I’m learning my world in Taiwan. In my world, there are pubs. I thought it was normal.
Friend: No, it’s not normal.
Me: Trust me. It’s normal. There are 20 pubs, just in this area. People in Taiwan drink their asses off. Especially men. Trust me.
Friend: You know drinking is bad for health.
Me: Stop! I’m a grown man. Don’t give me lecture on drinking.
Friend: Ok, sorry.
Me: No Problem. Thanks for caring.
Pub is a universal name for a place to go get a drink. There are three basic types. I’ve been to all three here in Jhongli. There is what I would call a bar in America. You might even call it a Pub. You go in sit drink, shoot the shit with your friends or sit alone at the bar and talk to the bar tender or other customers. Then there is the Pub/Disco. Yes, they use the term disco here, ugh. I would say night club or club. Someplace like Déjà vu. There’s drink and dancing. Don’t waste your money going to those places here in Jhongli. The cover charge is way too high. It’s supposed to be all you can drink. But you spend the whole night standing in line to get a damn drink. Seriously, there’s always in the neighborhood of 30-40 people standing in line for a drink and service is terrible. The music is at a decibel that I have never heard before. I made the mistake of going on a school night my first time and I couldn’t hear my students in my first two classes. My ears were just numb. Additionally, don’t go there because people in Jhongli are too shy to dance. The whole scene is very surreal. There is a dj that puts on a show, of bad mixes, and maybe some girl dancers. In Taiwan, it’s considered sexy. In the US, nowhere close to sexy. It’s somewhere in the range of dance team in short skirts with a bikini. The guys think it’s so hot and I yawn thinking, what’s the big deal. It’s a big big, cultural difference.
(As a quick aside, I once described an American strip club to some friends here. The looks on their faces were a mix of shock and horror. It was a slightly better, when I remembered to explain a dollar in America is paper money. Here a dollar is a coin. A completely different mental image. Hahaha!!!! Based on the trauma I caused that day, I don’t talk about strip joints anymore. I am continually amazed at how naïve some of my friends are. Again, a big cultural difference from America.)
OK, lastly, what is most commonly known as a pub in Taiwan, is a place where you can go have a drink, but there is a girl that will come and sit with you and have conversation. That’s all, just conversation, or maybe play some drinking games. The place where I go most often now is this type of pub. It’s a chance for me to try my Chinese, learn a different aspect of Taiwan’s culture, and meet new friends. Remember I’m a Panda. So, there is almost always someone interested in at least having a drink with me. If it’s busy and there’s no one to talk to, I study my Chinese. Yes, I’m a goof and take my Chinese book to the pub with me. If I run out of conversation, the girls will practice with me. They learn a little English, I get some Chinese practice, it’s all good.
Does it mean anything that I study better in a pub than I do in a coffee shop? That wouldn’t never happened in the US that’s for sure.
I’ve been told the pub/bar scene in Taipei is different. It is a lot more western. I don’t know and don’t care. Jhongli is my town, my home in Taiwan. Taipei has little to offer me. Especially if I gotta hang out with western people. More on that later.
See ya later,
D
Pubs, Discos, and Bars
Dateline: everyday
Dear Lisa,
I have two basic groups of friends in Taiwan. I have Pub friends and non-pub friends. My non-pub friends are quite literally shocked when I tell them there are pubs in Jhongli. I am quite literally shocked in return at this acknowledgement. I’ve had this conversation many times with non-pub friends:
Me: I’m going to the Pub tonight.
Friend: There are pubs in Jhongli?
Me: You’re joking right?!
Friend: No. Really. There are pubs in Jhongli?
Me: You are from Jhongli, right.
Friend. Yes.
Me: You grew up here, right?
Friend: Right.
Me: And you have no idea that there are pubs in Jhongli?!
Friend: Really. Where are pubs located in Jhongli?
Me: About a 3 minute walk from here.
Friend: REALLY?!?!
Me: REALLY!!
Friend: How many pubs?
Me: In 3 minutes you can walk to umm…(thinking) 6 pubs. That’s not counting the “bad” KTV’s.
Friend: “Bad” KTV’s?
Me: Stay focused, that’s another conversation, but yes, bad ktv.
Friend: OK, 6 pubs in three minutes walking.
Me: Yeah, but I walk like Taiwan people ride motor scooters. You walking might be 7 minutes.
Friend: (Laughing)
Me: In 3 minutes, I can get to 6 pubs. If I walk 10 minutes I can get to 20 pubs. Again, not counting the bad KTV’s.
Friend: 20?!?!
Me: Dude, I’ve been in Taiwan 1 year. You’ve been here your whole life. How do you not know this?!
Friend: 20 pubs. How do you know where all the pubs are? I get bored and walk everywhere. I’m learning my world in Taiwan. In my world, there are pubs. I thought it was normal.
Friend: No, it’s not normal.
Me: Trust me. It’s normal. There are 20 pubs, just in this area. People in Taiwan drink their asses off. Especially men. Trust me.
Friend: You know drinking is bad for health.
Me: Stop! I’m a grown man. Don’t give me lecture on drinking.
Friend: Ok, sorry.
Me: No Problem. Thanks for caring.
Pub is a universal name for a place to go get a drink. There are three basic types. I’ve been to all three here in Jhongli. There is what I would call a bar in America. You might even call it a Pub. You go in sit drink, shoot the shit with your friends or sit alone at the bar and talk to the bar tender or other customers. Then there is the Pub/Disco. Yes, they use the term disco here, ugh. I would say night club or club. Someplace like Déjà vu. There’s drink and dancing. Don’t waste your money going to those places here in Jhongli. The cover charge is way too high. It’s supposed to be all you can drink. But you spend the whole night standing in line to get a damn drink. Seriously, there’s always in the neighborhood of 30-40 people standing in line for a drink and service is terrible. The music is at a decibel that I have never heard before. I made the mistake of going on a school night my first time and I couldn’t hear my students in my first two classes. My ears were just numb. Additionally, don’t go there because people in Jhongli are too shy to dance. The whole scene is very surreal. There is a dj that puts on a show, of bad mixes, and maybe some girl dancers. In Taiwan, it’s considered sexy. In the US, nowhere close to sexy. It’s somewhere in the range of dance team in short skirts with a bikini. The guys think it’s so hot and I yawn thinking, what’s the big deal. It’s a big big, cultural difference.
(As a quick aside, I once described an American strip club to some friends here. The looks on their faces were a mix of shock and horror. It was a slightly better, when I remembered to explain a dollar in America is paper money. Here a dollar is a coin. A completely different mental image. Hahaha!!!! Based on the trauma I caused that day, I don’t talk about strip joints anymore. I am continually amazed at how naïve some of my friends are. Again, a big cultural difference from America.)
OK, lastly, what is most commonly known as a pub in Taiwan, is a place where you can go have a drink, but there is a girl that will come and sit with you and have conversation. That’s all, just conversation, or maybe play some drinking games. The place where I go most often now is this type of pub. It’s a chance for me to try my Chinese, learn a different aspect of Taiwan’s culture, and meet new friends. Remember I’m a Panda. So, there is almost always someone interested in at least having a drink with me. If it’s busy and there’s no one to talk to, I study my Chinese. Yes, I’m a goof and take my Chinese book to the pub with me. If I run out of conversation, the girls will practice with me. They learn a little English, I get some Chinese practice, it’s all good.
Does it mean anything that I study better in a pub than I do in a coffee shop? That wouldn’t never happened in the US that’s for sure.
I’ve been told the pub/bar scene in Taipei is different. It is a lot more western. I don’t know and don’t care. Jhongli is my town, my home in Taiwan. Taipei has little to offer me. Especially if I gotta hang out with western people. More on that later.
See ya later,
D
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