Where in the World is D Today?

Honestly?.... Trying to decide if he’ll be happier ignoring Christmas or embracing it.

Ok… Really…. I can’t fully ignore Christmas. Even though Taiwan doesn’t “celebrate” Christmas, It definitely recognizes it.

In 48 years, I have never been alone and away from my family on Christmas. Never. Today, I am somewhere in the range of 7700 miles from all that is most dear to me on a High Holiday on the Christian calendar. As an adult, Christmas has always been a religious holiday, the celebrating of the birth of Christ. And until the arrival of Sean and Tim in my life, I’d been generally underwhelmed by all the Christmas “hype”. The emphasis on Santa and materialism makes me into a real scrooge.

I’ve tended to even-keeled outwardly when it comes to holidays and the sort. But I feel them deeply.

In my lesson to my third graders I explained how my family comes together at Christmas. They were SHOCKED at how large my family is and that often times I don’t know all the names of the people in the room. But I don’t have to know your name to love you. If you’re family, it’s all good. Give me a hug and kiss! Those hugs and kiss is what I am going to miss the most. We love on you outwardly in my family. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE those big deep hugs and kisses on the cheek. The smile of recognition when you come into the room is utterly and completely validating. In my family you can ALWAYS come home. We WANT you home, and MISS you when you’re not there…. (pause….. fighting back the tears now. This is why I was trying to ignore the day.)…….. As I’ve gotten older, my family has come to mean more and more to me. I love them and miss them all the more on the holidays.)

I miss the hugs my big brother Kirk and him calling me “baby boy”. Kirk is a big guy with a heart to match. I miss the protectiveness and steadiness of my big sister Marian. Memories of her laugh always make me smile. I miss the sensitivity of my little brother Steve. He is the lost sheep of sorts. We often get cross with one another, but I’ve never, never, never stopped believing in him and I KNOW beyond any measure of doubt he feels the same about me. Even though we drive the other nuts at times, he’s still my brother and if you mess with him, I’ll send you into the sweet by and by.

It goes without saying, but I must… I miss Sean and Tim. They are the two single most important people in the world to me. They taught me to lighten up during with is usually a very heavy time for me. I miss seeing thing laugh and joke and play with Sholanda, Sharese, Tot, Stevie, Marquis, and all of their other cousins. And there are many cousins. I miss the goofiness of Taylor, Trinity, and Ellis and how goofy they make my brother Kirk.

I miss the way my Aunt Lula’s eyes squint when she smiles and they way my Aunt Sam calls me “baby” and “sweetheart”. I miss the thought provoking conversations with my cousin Reggie, my uncle Art and Uncle Brother. (Yeah, you read that right. There is somebody in every family with a nickname that is a little confusing if you’re not in the family.)

I miss the continuous laughter when we are together. We don’t just love each other, we actually LIKE each other.

I miss hearing people call me Papa, Uncle Darryl, D, D.A., Preacher (my Grandmother used to call me that) and the occasional, “What’s your name again?” You really have to see how many people we can squeeze into one room.

I miss the freckles that are such a common trait in the Parker clan. My grandmother had them, my momma had them, all her brothers and sisters have, me and my brothers and sister have them, and all my cousins of a certain age have them. They come later in life. It’s a family trait that is undeniable.

I miss the food. GOD how I miss the food! I am especially craving my sister Marian’s spaghetti and macaroni and cheese!

I miss the quiet confident smile of my favorite…. Ok, well actually, technically she’s my only formal, Sister-in-Law Theresa. She and Karen my other Sister-in-Law, sort of, have been in this family since our high school days.

I will miss my dad. My Dad is the BEST man I know. Did I say I love that man? I Love that man. My dad is strong, steady and gentle. Most everything I know about kindness and patience, I learn from him. I learned just from watching him. He is completely unflappable. And his wife Juanita, is as thoughtful a woman as I know. We’ve always gotten along well.

My Family, God Bless ‘em, is a mish-mash of all that is good in the world. We’ve got it all. Black, White, Asian, Gay, Straight, Conservative, Liberal, Radicals… You name it and you just might be able to say… “Yeah, that is so much like……..” There are those with whom I share no blood or legal tie through marriage, that are as much family with every right, privilege, and burden that comes with every family. And to be perfectly honest, when I’m analyzing the family, as in moments like this, is the ONLY time it really dawns on me. But each is loved as much as if they were blood.
At the top I mentioned this being a religious holiday. It IS and always will be for me. I need not say anything else. I don’t miss it. It is ever present in my life. My faith and ALL associated with it makes it possible for me to withstand these waves of emotion. I really don’t know how other people survive the vicissitudes of life. I know it’s the main reason I’m still standing. Every man or woman walks there own path. And that’s OK too.

This holiday is Big for me. Maybe I didn’t know just how much until it kept creeping closer and closer. The closer it got the heavier my heart became. I share this with you, so you know just how blessed a person I am. I’ve got these great wonderful people that are inextricably woven into the very fiber of who I am. And we love to be together on Christmas.

As you have no doubt deduced at this point, I can't ignore Christmas, even if I tried. Embracing it in the best way I know how is the only option.

Peace On Earth. Good Will To Men

MERRY CHRISTMAS

戴格智
(also known as Papa, Uncle Darryl, D, D.A., Preacher, or just simply ….. Darryl)

Peace

Moms, kids, and motorcycles

Where in the World is D Today?

Wondering how Sean and Tim would do on a motorbike... as kids?

I've adjusted in my brain my thoughts on children and scooters. Yeah, it's really dangerous, but it's a normal part of life in Taiwan. When I see kids on scooters now, I think its really cute, their innocence and seeming lack of fear. The smaller ones cling to their mom like baby Koala bears, with a helmet. Often kids stand in front of their mom or dad and hang on to the braces of the mirrors. They are "one" with the scooter.

A few weeks ago, the weather was warm and I went for a walk. While waiting for a cup of lemon green tea from my favorite tea stand, I noticed a mom getting her kids prepared for their ride. I'm guess the kids were maybe 6 and 9 years old. It's hard to tell, Taiwan kids are really small. Anyway.... she helped the younger get his little helmet on, backed the motorbike out of the space, steadied and the kids proceeded to get on. The younger stood in front of mom, nestled between her arms. The older child was struggling to climb on the back. And like something off of the nature channel, I see mom's arm reach back, lift the kid into place, makes sure she's settled and safe, the kid reaching around moms waist and off they go. The moment was pure and sweet.

This scene probably plays outs hundreds of times a day. Parents are parents all over the world. They want they kid safe and well. As I watched this, I reflected back to when Sean and Tim where young. Would the scene played out as normally as that one did? Would I be criticized for putting them on the motorbike with me? Would they have been as willing and trusting to get on it with me?

I think the answer to all of those questions are yes. I would probably get arrested for child endangerment in the U.S. Would the boys have trusted me, of course they would have, that's what kids do. And they would have been chatting up a storm, just like I see Taiwan kids do with their parents.

The question to really ask is, "Would the Darryl of his early mid 30's been willing to ride with his kids on a scooter?" The answer to that question is no, assuming a scooter would have been available to me. The 40 something Darryl sees more possibility now. I'm smarter now. I'm still a bit of a worry-wort at times, It's my nature.

When the day comes to go back to the U.S., and who knows when that might be, a motor scooter is definately in the plan. And if there's any way I can make sure the boys have one too, I will. It will be a gas crusin' with the boys on scooters!!

That thought makes me smile really big!

Peace

戴格智

Thoughts at 45KPM

Where in the World is D Today?

Cruisin', Thinking, talking to Brutus.

Here are some recent thoughts I've had on while traveling from here to there.

"This is kinda FUN."

"Are you serious?!"

"Lean"

"Dude! Why did you buy me if you're going to walk?" "Shut up, sometimes I like to walk, OK?"

"I'm really glad I have a full face visor!"

"Shit, the visor fogged up I can't see!"

"How did my hands get so dirty? Now I see while Will washes his hands every morning when he comes in."

"Darryl, don't be so nice. You're gonna cause an accident. Just Go!"

"Hmm, never been in a traffic jam on the sidewalk before. Oh Crap! Sorry!"

"Woah! Where did that come from?!"

"Mad props to women in a skirt and pumps! This is difficult enough in jeans and sneakers."

"Jack, there's a problem with my motorbike." (Jack showed up 20 minutes later. The speedometer cable broke and was hanging off. He couldn't fix it then. So we went and had a beer. I walked home for the record. I DO NOT drink and drive. Not even 1!)

"When did he come fix it?!" (I opened up my motorbike seat to discover a note on my helmet. Jack came to my school. Picked up my bike, took it to his shop, fixed it, and brought it back. JACK IS MY BOY!!!!)

"OMG, it's so freakin' cold! My hands are frozen!"

"I'm glad Jack put new tires on this thing"

"I should have walked. Brutus you're to fat for me to park in this space."

"OUCH!! Son of a .....!" (My foot slipped when I was putting Brutus up on the kick stand. My left foot ended up Under the kick stand with the full weight the bike on my toes.)

"OK, crashing into the 7-11 would be bad!"

"A parking space by the gate of my apartment. SWEET!"

"Rode to work, the Supermarket, a restaurant for dinner and back home without dying. I think I can do this!"

Peace

戴格智

Seeing The World Faster Is Kinda Cool

Where in the World is D Today?

Contemplating the extinction of Dinosaurs and Survival of the fittest.

Let me first begin with, I believe completely and without reservation, that God created the heavens and the earth. No doubt in my mind at all. So let's take that off the table. But I also know there is some scientific evidence that some species have indeed developed, adapted, changed, dare I even say "evolved" over time. I don't know enough about the science of it to speak as an authority. I'm clearly NOT. If I were to combine the two ideas of creation and the idea of survival of the fittest, I would have to quote the comedian Katt Williams when he spoke about the guy who got killed in a tigers cage at the zoo. "If you are an adult, and If you get killed by a Tiger, And you get killed by a tiger in a zoo, AND you get killed inside the tigers cage at the zoo, Then I think God's will has been done for your life." (Think about that for a minute or two before you read on.)

Some things are naturally easy for me; for example dancing. Some things are naturally difficult; for example swimming, and mathematics. And some things I can learn to be competent at inspite of the difficulty; for example learning Chinese. Note I didn't say I was the best dancer or fluent in Chinese. I said it came naturally or I could be competent. The difficult things, well if I had to swim farther than 30 meters or do Calculus to save my life, start making the funeral arrangements. I physically can not manage swimming well. I've tried to learn to swim and I'm just really, really bad at it.

Now I find myself on the streets of Taiwan on a motorscooter. I am not culturally suited for it. We love our cars in the U.S.A. BUT I do have enough eye hand coordination and sense of balance that I am becoming more and more competent at it. Will I ever drive like a Taiwan person who probably quite literally grew up on a scooter? Not likely. I am less nervous today than I was 2 weeks ago. My senses, especially visual, have gotten sharper. I see things more clearly now and my reaction to them is quicker. A good way to describe it is when I first began to ride, everything seemed a little out of focus because there was so much new information being processed. Now, it's the same in formation, but now, it is all in focus. I am in essense becoming more fit for survival. I'm adapting.

So what does this have to do with the extinction of dinosaurs? Well, there is a body of evidence that supports a huge event, such as a large meteor crashing into the earth, that in essence caused the dinosaurs to die. In short, adaptation had nothing to do with it. The dinosaurs were doing just fine. They were minding there own business, when this huge thing falls out of the sky and wreaks havoc in the dinosaur world. Talk about having a bad day. Try having a meteor fall on you while you're eating a tree for lunch.

My ultimate point here is that none us are entirely insulated from the winds of chance. I can learn to drive my motorbike safely and effeciently. But you never know when an idiot is going into a tigers cage. Bad drivers don't only exist in Taiwan. Where ever there's a motor vehicle and a person in the world, there's going to be "those" drivers.

I still believe in the basic goodness of people, but I trust more in the hedge of protection that so many pray for on my behave. In either case, I'm gonna be OK on my scooter, and my feet don't hurt as much!

Good Luck

戴格智

Meet Brutus

Where in The World is D Today?

Building what I hope is Safe and Healthy Relationship.

Say Hello to Brutus, my motorbike. Brutus is the latest part of my transition to life in Taiwan. Brutus was brought to me by Jack. Jack is a motorcycle repairman and works for Suzuki, and probably one of my deepest friends in Taiwan. More about Jack later. This posting is about this beast.



Why the name Brutus?! Like always with me, it's a metaphor and a geeky historical reference. Brutus, also known as Julius Caesar, was an Emperor in Rome. When he crossed the Rubicon and returned to Rome, it changed the course of history in Rome. If you want the whole story you have to look it up. The point here is getting a motorbike can change my life in pretty dramatically. Hopefully I won't have the same ending as Julius Ceasar. As you've read before traffic in Taiwan is no joke. But, I am a big boy. My personal safety and not dying are HIGH PRIORITIES for me. Yes, I will be careful. I promise.

Another reason I named my bike Brutus is just because the thing is BIG. Yeah, I know it doesn't look that big is the pictures. Trust me, in comparison to other motorbikes, it IS. Especially the front. It's really FAT!

Good Luck

戴格智

Trying To Get Back To Normal

Where in the World is D?

Saying Hello, Ni Hao, Whazz Up and other random thoughts.

I love to write. I write both as a form of expression and as therapy. But good writing takes time and is a discipline. I sometimes have the time, but lack the discipline.

I’m out of practice because of my self imposed silence, at least for good expressive writing. I’ve have written for therapy over the past months. Much of it has not made it the blog and likely never will. Some things are a bit too personal for such a public place. Yeah, yeah, I know I promised some months back to share openly the good and the bad of my experience. You’ll still the ……. Mmm painful, for lack of a better term at the moment, but the blog just got too sad.

Fact is, while I do have moments of great sadness, loneliness the occasional feeling of regret. I also have moments of fun and laughter too. I want to go back to those quirky observations I made before. They were more fun. Let us begin….

First thing that has been on my mind on a daily basis is the men’s locker room at the gym. Men please, for my sake if not yours, put on a towel!! And definitely put on a towel if you are going to relax in the area with the newspapers. It think it pretty cool the gym offers that area. But not so cool wonder if I sit in this chair, has some dudes naked ass and other parts been hanging out, pardon the expression, in the same chair recently. I don’t care if you just took a shower, it’s just not cool, OK?!

Second, I offer my side of a recent conversation. But one I have more often than you know.

“No, I don’t him.”

“Yes, they are a foreign.”

“Really, I don’t care.”

“No, if he wants to know me, he’ll come over.”
“No I have nothing against him.”

“He is probably like me. If he wanted to be with another foreigner, he would go to a place where a lot foreigners hangout. Not a bar full of Taiwan people.”

Last night at C’est La Vie, I had, what can only, be described as a very awkward greeting between myself and a guy named John. For the record, for all my Taiwan friends, not all foreigners know each other or want to know each other. It’s OK. Really, it is.

John and I are both American. And we were both clearly uncomfortable with this forced meeting. He was white and had a pretty strong urban east coast accent. I am Black and from the Midwest. Odds are the only thing we have in common is English and being a foreigner in Taiwan. Chances are, that we may have indeed spoken to each other during the course of the evening. C’est la Vie is not that big. But it a little like being on the playground in 1st grade and being forced to play with the new kid.

My first instinct was “What the hell is he doing in MY joint?!” Yeah, I said “MY”. I started going to C’est la Vie when the first opened. I got squatters rights! John speaks more Chinese and communication is easier for him, but ME they love. I’m more than a customer their. I’m a friend. A few weeks ago, on Halloween, they let me be a guest bartender. It really forced my Chinese in a different way. It was fun. So I think it’s fair to say C’est la Vie is MY place.

That'll do it for now.

Good Luck

戴格智

Bang, Crash, BOOM!

Where in the World is D Today?

Standing on the corner with his mouth wide open.

Given my latest propensity for silence these days, it would take something extraordinary to persuade me to write. Extraordinary indeed!

I am often struck, at the differences in Taiwan culture and my Midwest American culture. In Columbia, MO and American in general, I KNOW what defines as “Normal”. In ANY given situation I can anticipate most outcomes. Of course, there are occasionally exceptions, but human beings by and large are creatures of habit and culture. I would suspect that is true of humans no matter where on the earth they are.

While humans, on one hand, are the same in this relatively simple aspect worldwide, (culture), on the other hand, it (culture)is something that has as many variable and variances as there are people. This leads me to the event today that still leaves me scratching my head in curiosity.

Today on my very routine walk home, crossing the street at the same corner I have crossed at the same time every day I don’t see, but rather hear a crash. But it sounds …… odd. As my foot is reaching the curb I immediately look to my right, there lying in the street is a motor scooter knocked on its side with a woman lying partially under it. She has been hit by a car. I temper my immediate impulse to run out to see if she is ok. My instincts are quelled my two things. One, the traffic does NOT stop… at all. Seriously, NOBODY stops! What the hell?! The second thing that stops me is the policeman in the middle of the street who has been directing traffic. (By the way, isn’t he there to keep this sort of thing from happening?!)

The man driving the car jumps out and runs to the woman crying and holding her leg. Traffic keeps moving at it’s frantic Taiwanese pace. The cop very casually, (really that’s no exaggeration), comes over to the woman leans done to talk to her for a moment. The guy who hits her moves her scooter out of the street and to my utter amazement the traffic cop grabs the woman by the arm and pulls her up to her feet. Or rather her foot. She wobbles and limps over to the side of the street next to her scooter. In witnessing this scene I notice two more things. A car hits the woman’s helmet. I don’t know if she took it off or it got knocked off. Second, as the light changes people begin to cross the intersection in the direction of the accident. 4 people walked past the woman’s shoe, which had been clearly knocked off in the collision and was lying in the intersection. In a twisted combination of frustration, annoyance and compassion, I start to brave the traffic to get the woman’s shoe when the traffic cop comes over and gets it.

As this is happening the car that hit the woman LEAVES!! What?! The cop isn’t even going to write his name and license down?! Then to my utter surprise, the woman collects herself, hops on her scooter and rides away! The traffic cop saunters back to the middle of the intersection and everything continues like “Normal”. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON IN THIS COUNTRY?!

Is what I saw today normal? I really don’t understand this aspect of Taiwan culture. As for the traffic cop, I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but as a observer, it seemed it he was not at all concerned about the woman’s well being. Or has he seen this so many times, it’s normal to him and he can assess the woman’s injuries very quickly. Am I simply being an over-sensitive westerner? I am both disturbed and perplexed by today’s event. Mad props to the woman. If I had to go into a battle, I’d want her on my side. If it were me, I would probably still be lying in the fetal position.

As an interesting side note, I am about to buy a motor scooter. So if I have an accident, is my biggest concern going to be, not the car that just hit me, but the possibility of getting hit by another car as it continues on its way without seemingly any regard that I just crashed.

Over the course of my 9+ months in Taiwan, I have found Taiwan people to genuinely kind and compassionate people.

Just don’t have an accident on your motor bike.

Peeking out of the cave to write

What will follow is a series of very quick shorts I wrote on a Sunday afternoon in Starbucks. Note the date 10.11.09

Good Luck

戴格智

My Day WILL come. It Just Has To!

Where in the World is D?

Sitting and wondering

10.11.09

Please note the date above.

I’m at Starbucks. I had a good workout. My body feels sore, but not hurt or injured. That’s a good feeling. I have a semi full stomach. I went for dinner, but it was not the best effort of this restaurant tonight. I’ve been there many times and also had great food. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt of having an “off” night. So, I’m still a little hungry.

I was feeling really good, both physically and mentally. Then it happened. I looked up from my laptop to see this couple looking very lovingly at one another, and they shared a very sweet and tender kiss. My first thing I thought was, “Wow! I don’t think I’ve seen anyone do that my whole time in Taiwan.” My second thought was, “Damn, why can’t that be me?”

I know my turn is coming someday. I just hope its sooner than later.

Always Questioning. I really need to stop doing that.

Where in the World is D?

As usual, second guessing himself. UGH!

10.11.09

Self-doubt has been a life long companion of mine. If I had any “monkey’s on my back”, that would be it. Why? Lord only knows. A broken brain, or maybe just a broken heart. Maybe neither is broken, but seriously sprained. A nagging injury that just won’t heal. This time in Taiwan will be my physical therapy of sorts. Instead of going to a trainer to heal my sprained ankle, I am going to learn to relax and go with the flow. To just “be” and be ok with simply be-ing and not do-ing .

*A side note for my more conservative Christian friends who’s knee jerk reaction will surely be something along the lines of “trust God not yourself” or “God is the best therapist for you”. If you had any of those responses or anything like it… STOP!!!! Those responses insult my very deep faith and makes me terribly angry. You don’t think I have a regular conversation with Jesus about this. Struggles are not always due to some sort of deficit in my faith, prayer life, worship, tithing or other Christian ritual. Don’t be so quick to understand me. If you knew the whole story and saw the world through my eyes and experience, you might more likely say something like, “Dang, Darryl’s a tough guy. He’s still standing and fight after all that?!”

The thing is, the doubt is not in every aspect of my life, just a few very tender areas. If you were to see me in the classroom or doing any type of public speaking, you might think I was very cocky and be put off by presence.

None of us are one-dimensional. The expression, “what you see is what you get” is rarely entirely accurate. What you see is what I want you to see. And you get what I want you to get. We all have different parts of our psyche that manifest at different times. It’s ok. I think it’s pretty normal.

So if you are like me, constantly questioning yourself and if you really are “OK”, hang in there. What keeps me going are those days when I say to myself honestly, “Yeah, I AM OK. And at this moment I genuinely believe it.” Take stock of the moment. Smile a smile to yourself that no one else will understand.

Good Luck

戴格智

I Ain't Never Seen No Blue Dog!

Where in the World is D?

Trying to figure out what heck a blue dog democratic REALLY is.

10.11.09

A special note to the “blue dog” democrats. (By the way, who in the hell chose that name for you? You need a new PR rep. Just stick with conservative democrat, ok? It’s easy and clear to understand, though it seems a bit of a contradiction. But that’s another blog post for another day.)

Real Health care reform in within the nations grasp. It’s time to choose. Either you’re with us or your against us. If you against us, fine, that is your prerogative, but stop calling yourself a Democrat. If you believe in big business, if you believe that neighbors having a bake sale to help pay medical bills of a sick friend, if you believe the very misguided notion that you should pull yourself up by your bootstraps when you are standing barefoot, if you really believe that giving people the opportunity to buy health insurance from the government is a bad thing, and if you believe that you have no obligation to help the 1 million people who will file for bankruptcy because of medical bills or the some 40,000+ that will literally die because they have no insurance and can’t afford to go to a doctor….. call yourself what you are a Republican.

It’s time to take shit or get off the pot.

Good Luck

戴格智

Turning the Tables

Where in the World is D?

Wondering how much of his hearing is lost. (Dang! Turn the music down just a little. My ears are bleeding!)

10.11.09

A funny thing happened at Search night club the other night. Actually two things happened but this is just about one. I’ll talk about the police raid later.

I’m not the smartest guy when it comes to women. This is a well known and documented fact. While I don’t always know when a Taiwanese woman is flirting, I do generally know when a western woman, probably American in this case, is flirting. It happened a couple of times. But as much as Taiwan people think “white girls” are SOOOOO Beautiful, I’ve been around them all my life and am not so easily impressed. Especially when just about every white women in this country has treated me like some unwelcome dog turd that someone dragged in. These girls were “cute” but VERY average. Anyway, I digress. There were a few attempts at flirtation that I all but ignored. I just wasn’t interested.

Later in the evening, to make a long explanation short, a guy named Mamba said he would bring over some girls to hang out with. Cool. You know what is about happen right?! I sitting there chillin’ like a mug, when he comes back with this group of girls. They look at me and the look on their face was just priceless. The luck was something like “F_ _k!” My look back was something along the line of “yep it’s me again, and I still don’t want to hang with you.” There was some talking in the group and they turn around and leave.

If you’re one of those nice guys like me, who have often been rejected for whatever reason by a cute girl, This ones for you buddy!

This might make me a bad person, but it felt good to be on the other end of that equation.

Good Luck

戴格智

Why I've Been Silent part1

Where in the World is D Today?

Trying to figure out a new path out of this cave.

OK, here's the deal. My mood over the last 2 months has been bad.... real bad. I used to know the way out when I would get in these funks. But things are different now. I can't describe it really other than to say my circumstances are different. I'm still the same guy, I think, but being in Taiwan has given this..... thing... a new dimension.

I don't know if you can call emotions a thing but I haven't got the words. And that's just it, no clarity of thought. I manage to do my teaching very well. In class, I'm ALL There. Away from class.... I'm a total flake.

So how is my mood today? Ah.... So-so. But when I'm in a funk, I don't feel like writing. The great irony in that is writing helps the funk dissipate. I am hoping it will help a little tonight. After I post this I will go to bed. Writing helps get stuff out of my head. But when I'm in "flake mode" its hard to gather up those thoughts and shepherd them out of my head and onto the page.

I am trying to get back in the habit of writing. If you are a regular reader, thanks. Not so much for reading but for being interested in me, for whatever reason. I feel a lot of isolation. If someone shows interest in me, I'm always a little surprised. (sorry my self-esteem is not at it's optimum right now.)

Good Luck

D

Something Made Smile Today

Where in the World is D?

Coming Up Air.

My last few posts to the blog have been .... well..... Not terribly encouraging. So I thought I would tell you something today that made me smile.

I got to TEACH!

Yeah, that's it. Nothing earth shaking or deeply thoughtful. No grand revelation or Salma Hayek proposing to me. Just teaching.

I like teaching. Sometimes, I am most at peace in the classroom. I'm sure there's some deep psychological reason, but I'm not going to over think it. I'm just going to enjoy the feeling.

Good Luck!

戴格智

Something New for Non-Native English Speakers 一些新的非英語母語者

Where In The World is D Today?

Adding new features to the blog.

Hello, If you look over to the left, you will see Google Translate. It is not a "perfect" translation instrument but it's better than others I've tried. If you are not a native English speaker and are interested in my blog give it a try!

If you're a native English speaker, a friend or family member in the U.S. Check out the Link below and learn some Chinese. Peggy is a Super Cool friend of mind and has fun teaching. I think you'll like her videos. http://www.peggyteacheschinese.com/

Good Luck

戴格智

凡在今天的世界是D？

增加新的功能的博客。

您好，如果您查看的左側，您會看到谷歌翻譯。這不是一個“完美”的翻譯工具，但總比別人我已經試過。如果您不是以英語為母語，並有興趣在我的博客嘗試一下！

祝您好運

戴格智

Run Silent, Run Deep

Where in the World is D Today?

????????????????

Run Silent, Run Deep is a old war movie about a submarine crew. It seems an appropriate metaphor now.

Last week I was in a real funky mood. My mood is generally better this week. But I find myself talking less. Being more inwardly reflective. Dark clouds often hover on the horizon. Sometimes they roll in and stay like a typhoon in my mind. Sometimes, it's just a quick thunderstorm. It comes and goes within a matter of hours. I'll give you the sources without explanation. Most people don't take the time to really try to SEE and not judge, so why bother.

Physical Pain EVERY DAY for the last 3-4 months.

Loneliness

Frustration with learning a new language

Good Luck

戴格智

The Truth or A Reasonable Lie

Where in the World is D Today?

I have no idea.

This will be short, I think. There are three versions of "the truth". There is 1) My Truth, 2) Your Truth, 3) The Real Truth. (I can always tell you what I really think. But I don't think you really want to know. So I tell you a reasonable lie. Something close to but not actually MY truth and keeps YOU happy at the same time.)

Truth's number 1 and 2 are subjective. Based on our own perspective and life experience. What's true for you may not necessarily be true for me.

So what is the REAL TRUTH, not based on my or your opinion and perspective......?

I was thinking of this as I walked to work. Right now, I am not in the greatest place emotionally. I was searching my head and knowledge for something that was Universally TRUE without subjectivity for EVERY person on the earth. I could only come up with this in my 10 minute walk.

THIS, I know to be true for EVERYONE. The sun rises in the east and sets in the west. If that ceases to exist, WE ALL just had a VERY... BAD.... day.

At the end I usually say Peace. I can't today or any more. I have none. I haven't for a long time, even before I came to Taiwan. Hoped to find some here. Doesn't look like it's gonna happen. So I will say... simply...

Good Luck

戴格智

A New School Year

Where in the World is D today?

Looking over the balcony at joyful kids running and playing.

Today is the first day of school. It's been a really quiet day for me. I'm looking forward to spending a whole year with my students. I want to see what I and they can do in a whole year.

Coming in the middle of the year last year was an interestest transition for us all. This job, as much as I love it, can be filled with periods of ...... inactivity. Today's one of those days. So I watch the kids on their break and smile.

I want to be a good teacher. It's the one the few thing I don't question in my life. I know I can teach. I want to get in there and do it! (Somebody keep note of that when I'm feeling less enthusiastic in the future.)

But in the meantime, I will soak up all that unbridaled energy and try to focus it into something strong.

Peace

戴格智

Simple and Mundane

Where in the World is D Today?

Nowhere. Today is the same as yesterday and the day before that.

A few days ago I was chatting online with Tim's girlfriend, Alia. Alia is truly one of my favorite people on this earth. During the chat she made a comment that was something like, "Since you left you have all this crazy stuff happen to you." I of course responded with I only write about the "interesting" stuff and my life is not as crazy as it may appear on the blog. If I work to keep a daily account of my life on the blog, it would look a little something like this.....

Got up. Turned on CNN. (CNN in Tawain is Different than in the U.S. It's based in Hong Kong and doesn't have any national focus. It's very global.)

More coverage of "The Ashes" Cricket tournament?! Good lord, how long is this match going to be?! And who cares. Do I really need to know the weather in Mumbai?

Take a shower, have a glass of doujiang (soybean milk) and some bread. And I'm out the door.

Walk to work. Waved at 4 people along the way.

Said one generic good morning to my co-corkes when I come in, turn on my computer and get some hot water for my morning cup of liu cha (green tea).

Check my email, and MSN.

Check the U.S. news on the internet.

*Depending on the day, I am either teaching, surfing the net, or chatting on MSN, or practicing my Chinese. It will probably be some combination of all those activities on any given day.

Get of work and walk to Starbucks or the gym.

Get some dinner, walk home.

Talk to Jackie, the doorman, for a few minutes and go to my apartment.

Check my mail, maybe chat on msn, maybe watch a movie. Read a little Go to bed.

There you have it. My life in a nutshell. Not very interesting.

Is there more stuff that happens during the day, yeah, but I don't think you want to read. "Crossed the street 100 times today and didn't die."

Being the thinker that I am, my brain is of course a lot more active than my body.

My thoughts as I walk from point to point range from the ridiculous, "I wish I could make all time stop! And if I could what would I do?" To the really Duh, that's so obvious, "Boy, this walk would be a lot easier if the sidewalk was level." But lately most of my thoughts as I walk are about my foot, which still hurts, and if I am "Doing whatever it is in Taiwan I'm supposed to be doing." You know my regular search for meaning and purpose.

So there you have it, My so-called life in a nutshell. I shouldn't be sarcastic. I have a good life. Today I was able to get out of the bed; think, dress, eat, and go to the bathroom on my own. A lot of people who wanted to, couldn't do that today. So even as I search for meaning and the ever elusive peace and comfort, I know it could be worse and I am truly thankful for my simple and mundane life.

Peace

戴格智

Mountain Climbing at Three Valleys

Where in the World is D?

Enjoying the View.

Last week I went mountain climbing on Three Valley's Mountain with my friend Even, my Chinese Teacher and friend Zoe and my new friends from National Central University. When invited me she did indeed say "mountain climbing". I asked if it were difficult. She said no. So I thought when she said climbing, she meant "hiking". (These misunderstandings happen all the time.) Well she DID indeed mean CLIMBING! And it wasn't easy. It was hard!

I hurt my foot about 2/3 of the way down the mountain and had to go to the hospital. Slipped on a wet rock. Hey! It happens. I was looking at the blood from the leach I pulled off a few minutes before. My hand bled the rest of the way down the mountain. (That reads really bad, and while it wasn't good, it wasn't as bad as it seems.) Another side note: The pictures don't completely capture the beauty of the mountain or the genuine danger of some of the situations. At no point were any of us attached to a safety line. I'm still not sure if that is adventurous or just stupid. HA!

In the end it was a GREAT DAY with friends and nature. My hand eventually stopped bleeding. My foot still hurts a little but is fine after some quality affordable health care. Here are some of the pics of this very good day.

A Few Thoughts On the Health Care Debate

Where in the World is D Today?

Smiling About His Health Care in Taiwan.

I will try to make this simple and not a long rant.

I have been following the debate, or rather the scare tactics of the republicans. I am also totally amazed at what people will believe! I am also very disappointed in the level of Racism in this argument directed towards President Obama...... OK, the rant is being so I will stop... for the moment.

Here's the deal. I have gotten hurt a few times in the last month. Each time I was able to get affordable health care. Today when I went to the doctor I received acupuncture, some sort of steam treatment, massage and a medical wrap; plus two wraps to put on tomorrow. All for 100NT. In U.S. Dollars, that is about $3.50. Yes, you read that right, $3.50!

Taiwan has a National Health Care System, that even a foreigner can use. I buy into it just like everybody else. And my monthly premiums are about 1/3 of what I would pay in the U.S.

OK, for those of you that think, I'm not getting "real" medical care, I am not a doctor, but I know I feel better, faster than I would in the U.S.! And, for the record, x-rays and other "Western" medical treatments are covered as well. Again, for far less, than what I would pay in the U.S. I've had those services as well.

So, All of this is to give you a first had account that a National Health Care system can and does work. And I get treated in the office. I don't have to make an appointment to see another series of doctors in another office on another day. I saw one Doctor and two specialists today. All in the same office thank you very much.

The health care system here works. Period. AND also for the record, if you want to see a special/personal doctor you can. You pay extra for it, but that's fair. You can get the service you want.

I know the U.S. is a larger country, but our biggest obstacle is history. We've never done anything like this, that alone makes it hard. Throw in all the competing financial interests of pharmaceutical and insurance companies and you have a major fight on your hands.

But what if Americas leaders decided that people should be helped more than protecting the profit margins of corporations.

America revolves around capitalism. There is no changing that. And quite frankly, I do not want to. Capitalism itself isn't bad. Pharmaceutical and insurance companies should be allowed to make a profit. But in a free market system, let's see what the market can bear. If corporations do indeed have a better product, then they'll be fine. A national system won't hurt. Except maybe their profit margin will be 100 billion instead of 300. We're still talking about 100 BILLION. That's still a lot of profit.

In the end everybody wins. We get a healthier nation AND people make money. Why Not. But it will take guts on the part of Congress. Correction, it doesn't take guts, it take having the backbone to do the work of the people, put peoples needs and interests first.

That will make our great nation even better.

Peace

戴格智

Especially for Family and Friends In America

Where in the World is D Today?

Safe and Sound in the North of Taiwan.

I want to tell everyone I am Fine. I am Safe, Dry, and cared for by some great people in Taiwan.

The Typhoon hit the south part of Taiwan hardest. The conditions down there are indeed quite terrible. But where I am is very safe.

There was an Earth quake in the sea south of Japan today. It registered a 6.7. That's a good size earth quake, and it was felt in Taiwan. My apartment shook for a good 20-30 seconds. Which feels like and eternity while its happening. I was awake when it happened. I appreciate Mother Nature giving me a break this time and not doing it in the middle of the night. LOL

I don't like earth quakes. Not even a little. But it is a fact of life here and I accept it. Just like Typhoons. It one of those things that comes with living on an Island.

Try not to worry too much. Remember to listen for my city Jhongli, (pronounced jong lee).

I love you all and miss you very much.

Peace

戴格智 a.k.a Darryl, Papa, D, D.A.

Earth Quake

Where in the World is D Today

Trying Not To Throw Up.

It is about one minute after an Earth Quake. I didn't freak out like the last time. But I really don't like earth quakes. Yes, I was still a little afraid, but much calmer this time.

The thing is, that sudden motion and the uncontrolled nature of it, makes my body respond badly. I didn't throw up this time, but I sure want to. I'm hoping writing will bring my equilibrium back.

Peace

戴格智

Thoreau Is Deep and Obvious - Typhoon Day 3

Where in the World is D?

Hangin'Out With Henry David Thoreau.

The problem with not having internet or cable during a typhoon is it gives one, more specifically me, too much time to poke around inside my own psyche. I've always been a deep thinker about the world and my place in it. So to my friends who say, "you think too much." I say, well... maybe. But how do any of us grow lest we put thought into the what's, why's, and how's of life.

I don't think you can really make a living at philosophy, nor am I trying to, so I offer the following quotes by Thoreau to express my current thoughts and feelings, the dichotomy of those feelings and a short response to each.


"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." 大眾的男子導致生活安靜絕望。I don't know about the mass of men, but this definitely me these days.


"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."
這不是什麼你看看這問題，那是你看到的。Being able to see the difference between Your truth, My truth and the real truth is the challenge isn't it?

"Things do not change; we change." 事情並沒有改變，我們的變化。Hmmm. Time is the Only constant in the universe. Whether you call it minutes, hours, or days. It Always goes at the same rate with the rising and setting of the sun each day. If the sun stops rising in the east and setting in the west, we are going to have a VERY BAD DAY. Outside the passing of time, CHANGE in inevitable. Knowing when to change AND what change to make is the trick.

Peace

戴格智

Typhoon Day!! Day 1

Where in the World is D Today?

Chillin' at Starbucks.

Today I didn't have to work because it's a Typhoon Day! Here in Jhongli, it's not too bad, so far. I walked to Starbucks without any problems. The hardest part of my walk was convincing the guy outside the KTV I really did NOT want to come in for a beer.

*That will make sense to Taiwan people, but not to everybody else. In short, there are two types of KTV. One type of KTV you go sing with your friends, be silly and have fun. The other KTV men go to, "to have a..... beer" You can fill in the blanks yourself.

Since I have the basic philosophy and personality type that will talk to anybody who is friendly to me, it sometimes leads to interesting and sometimes comical situations. The KTV guys are usually very nice to me but usually don't speak English. So the explanations of "beer" are usually physical gestures and pretty descriptive. Everybody usually has a pretty good laugh at it. Like I said, they're always nice to me. But I have enough Chinese now, that I can tell them No, I don't want that. They smile and wave and say bye-bye. Sometimes they give me a card and shake my hand. I have generally stopped going down the streets where I know that I will get approached. But it was during the day and these places are generally closed early afternoon. But maybe they open early on Typhoon Days! Or maybe everybody doesn't get the day off for Typhoon Days. Starbucks is open, so why not KTV. The service industry is the service industry no matter how you slice it, right? HA!

They rest of my Typhoon day looks to be a bit boring. My landlord didn't pay the internet/cable bill!! I'm irritated on multiple levels. There's a Typhoon and I'm completely cut off from the world unless I go out in to the dang Typhoon to use the internet at starbucks.

I went to the gym but it was closed for the Typhoon Day. It should be noted that I do understand why some places are closed. People commute from all over. So just because it is sort of calm in Jhongli, another county may be getting hammered. So it is safest to NOT make people go to work. So I'll keep hanging out here at Starbucks for a bit. Do some Chinese homework, etc. I can write my Chinese name now. It takes about a full minute to do. But that is a big improvement from it taking 2-3 minutes just to write the first word!

That'll do it for now.

Peace
戴格智

More Growing Pains - May Force Silence

Where in the World is D Today?

Listening to “Angry Music” in Starbucks. The playlist tonight is Living Colour, James Brown, Hazard To Your Booty, Jay-Z, and The Red Hot Chili Peppers.

I’m really frustrated right now. Nah…. Frustrated is the wrong word….. Hmmmm? Is there ONE word to describe feeling lost, lonely, angry, annoyed, stupid and worried all at the same time?

Culture Shock is getting the better of me right now. It feels like a losing battle and I'll never get really comfortable. I know intellectually it'll be better at some point. But Emotionally, right now, it feels horrible.

I want to talk, but, every time I open my mouth …. I get misunderstood. I think that misunderstand comes from a natural language barrier, my inability to express the complexities of my mind in elementary English. Also adding to this are the huge cultural differences of age, background, and life experience.

I can see my friends genuinely WANT to understand what’s bothering me, but too often, because of cultural differences I think, they do not see why this thing or that thing is such a worry. And I get “just don’t worry about it. Be happy.” I want to scream every time I hear that phrase now. I hear it a lot!

The basic choice I have now is to not say anything and just put on a happy face. That seems the best (most culturally proper) thing for me to do. It’s good for them, but for me…. Mmm not so much. Talking is good therapy for me. So will apologize in advance that more of my blog entries might tend to be a bit on the depressed side of things.

I suppose I could just write and not share, but that sort of defeats the purpose. The point of the blog is to let you see the world from my perspective… to let you inside my head a bit.

Anybody care to give me your thoughts on what you want to see on the blog?

I’m going to try something new now. I am going to post some song lyrics. The song is Under the Bridge by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The song speaks in metaphors just like I do and it resonates with me strongly right now. When I get frustrated I walk. Hopefully you’ll understand when you read. I know there are a few mistakes in the Chinese, but I don’t know how to change them.

Peace ~ 戴格智

Under The Bridge ~ Red Hot Chili Peppers

Sometimes I feel
Like I dont have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angel
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I drive on her streets
cause shes my companion
I walk through her hills
cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie

I dont ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way

Its hard to believe
That theres nobody out there
Its hard to believe
That Im all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I dont ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way

Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away


橋下〜紅辣椒

有時候，我覺得
我不喜歡的合作夥伴
有時候，我覺得
像我唯一的朋友
是我住在城市
天使城
孤獨的我
我們一起哭

我開她的街道
我的同伴事業喜
我走過她的丘陵
導致她知道我是誰
她看到我的好事
她親吻我的風
我從來不擔心
現在這是一個謊言

我不想要的感覺
像我這一天
請帶我去的地方我愛
把我所有的道路

其很難相信
這人有theres
其很難相信
即時通訊獨自
至少我有她的愛
這個城市，她愛我
孤獨的我
我們一起哭

我不想要的感覺
像我這一天
請帶我去的地方我愛
把我所有的道路

在市中心的橋樑
就是我提請一些血液
在市中心的橋樑
我無法獲得足夠的
在市中心的橋樑
忘了我的愛
在市中心的橋樑
我給了我生命

Chinese Medicine is AWESOME!

Where in the World is D Today?

Marveling at Chinese Medicine.

Two weeks ago I suffered a leg injury at the gym. It wasn't hurt, it was INJURED. I could barely walk. The pain was unbearable when I did walk. I hurt it on a Thursday and after trying to take care of it myself for 4 days I conceded victory and was defeated by my body. On that following Sunday I asked my Chinese Teacher Mei-Ling, Zoe, to go with me to the doctor. Not wanting to waste a trip I mentioned my two hurting knees and a nagging shoulder injury from 2 months ago. What followed what followed was three days of accupunture, electricity, heat, some odd chiropractic and very smelly medicine.

My first visit was on a Monday the third on Wednesday. On Thursday, I was pain free! In the U.S. it would have taken 2-3 weeks to reach the same point of recovery. Chinese Medicine is the bomb! Yeah I said it. I'll say it again, It's the Bomb! LOL, but it's true. Here are some pics Mei-Ling took for me.

Darryl the Scizophrenic Panda 戴格智 精神分裂症大熊貓

Where in the World is D Today?

Trying to stay balanced in the off center situation that is my life. (I'm not really Scizophrenic, It is only a metaphor for what is to come as you read.)

Before I start, I have to throw a mad shout out to Lyn, Sean and Tim, henceforth know as Team Douglas. Without them I would have no chance at all at balance.

I am sitting on an outside patio at a tea shop near Starbucks. I think the temperature is about a million degrees. It’s just stupid crazy hot today. But, I’m in the shade and there’s a nice breeze so it ok. There’s a gazillion people in Starbucks so I needed to find someplace else to chill.

I’m trying to decide on writing bullet points or the usual narrative. Hmmm………. Ok Free-write stream of conscious it’s going to be. Hope you can understand my scattered brain-ness.

I have two lives. One life in U.S.A ........*Long Pause* I just got interrupted my a very nice older woman. She just came up and started looking over my shoulder at the computer. My response… Mmmm…. Hello?... One hour later, we just finished our conversation. Dang I forgot to get a picture! As I was saying…..

I have two lives. One life in the U.S.A and one in Taiwan. Life number one in the U.S.A. is taking it’s toll on me. Six months ago, I had planned to sell the house, but NOT right away. That time table has been moved to NOW not later. This is where the previous shout out comes in. I can’t manage this from Taiwan. I NEED the help of others. Sean, Tim and Lyn have been my A Team with Lyn as Captain. All the details are too difficult to explain here. But suffice it to say it’s a complicated process of phone calls and emails involving friends, family, bankers, lawyers, and a real estate agent, Alicia who will get a euber shout out if she can sell my house quickly without me losing a bunch of money. (It’s a really good house. Somebody go buy it! Right NOW! I don’t know if the power of suggestion works here, but it certainly can’t hurt.)

This move has caught us all off guard. Things happen in life. In my clear state of mind I will say simply ‘you play the cards you are dealt’. I might want an Ace of Diamonds, but I was dealt a 3 of Clubs. There is nothing I can do about it. I have to make the 3 of Clubs work until the next hand. I am able to stay clear in my head only with the love and support of others! And unlike a typical card game where you keep your cards hidden, I can show my cards to others and ask them what the best way is to make that crazy 3 of Clubs work when all the other cards are Diamonds. So lately there has been a lot of questions like that start, “What if…” or “Maybe we can…” and “But what about…” Then there is trying to anticipate the play of people at the table. “If I do ____, then maybe they will _____.

Caught unwittingly in the middle of this Tim. When the house is sold, he and I become in Homeless. That is not a good feeling. We have only talked about it in a superficial but usually practical way. BUT, my guess is this is having a profound emotional impact on him. I am sure it is on Sean. He has always been the most sensitive, in a good way, of the three of us. (Boys if you’re reading this, remember how much I love you and how we’ve always managed to get through before. And Tim, remember the Always Lasting promise I made when you were a baby.)

On to life number 2, Life in Taiwan… Life in Taiwan is generally good. I’ve made some good friends. I love the food and people in general. I have a job I like. I have a decent apartment in walking distance of my job. Really life is good here. So what else could I want? Hmmm What else could a SINGLE guy want? I’ll give you three guess’. No, Red Sox season tickets was a good guess, but the commute from Jhongli is too difficult. Try agan. No. A seemingly reasonable guess, but anyone who really knows me, knows it has NEVER been about ‘the booty’ for me. If it were just about sex, I could walk 5 minutes in any direction from my apartment and handle that. Try again, last chance. Yes! A girlfriend, and maybe that could lead to a good wife.

(I am opening up a generally very private part of my life. It’s a little scary. I’ve written a couple of paragraphs and this is getting long. So will finish in the next blog post. Look for something referencing lonely panda’s. I haven’t thought of a good title yet.)

Darryl the Lonely Panda 戴格智寂寞的熊貓

Where in the World is D Today?

Dying of Thirst While Standing in the Middle of a Stream.

If you are one of those people who will say, “just be patient.” I will tell you officially… SHUT UP. I have never remarried and quiet honestly have Not dated a tremendous about sense my divorce. It’s been a bunch of YEARS now. You could say I need to do several things, but, be patient ain’t one of them. I’ve been nothing if not patient.

Here’s part of my dilemma, I’m not getting any younger. Everyone I meet seems to be in their 20’s. When I point out this fact, I have often heard, “But you look so young! Age is not a problem here.” I will not disagree, put I view that optimism with a certain amount of skepticism. I will say for the record, there is absolutely nothing wrong with younger women, (or dating a younger man but this is specifically about me and a dating a man scenario is laugh out loud ridiculous. It’s NOT EVER gonna happen.) There may even be even some up sides. Nonetheless I worry about being perceived as a “Perv”.

The upside is lack of experience. I will define “lack of experience” as younger women in general, probably lack the years of disappointments and heartbreaks that inevitably come in every life. The short and less tactful way to put it is she’s not angry or jaded about men yet for doing her wrong time and time again. So she will see promise and hope in spite of the age difference.

The down side is lack of experience. I’ve already gone through the phases of life every twenty-something or thirty-something person will inevitably face. It’s an advantage for them, but I could see possible frustration on my side of equation. But I don’t know if it is any different other conflicts and differences in any relationship.

I can give any woman, but in this case a younger woman, almost quite literally everything she wants. I have a good secure job. I’m faithful, funny and devoted. I don’t know if I’m the cutest guy, but I definitely know I’m not the ugliest. I’m learning Chinese so in time language as a barrier becomes much less an issue. Here is the one thing that is possibly, and likely, a deal breaker. I can give her everything she wants except babies. I had a operation 20 years ago to become sterile. I thought I would be married to my wife forever and we didn’t want any more kids. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Ooops! I joke about it, but it was a good logical decision at the time. I had not reason to believe things would go the way they did. I am peaceful about the decision. But the fact remains, I’m sterile and there’s no going back. And I really don’t think I want to. Actually, I’m quite sure of it. So what’s a Good Man to do?!

Would I like to date an older woman? Of course! I’m not only looking for young women. Cut me some slack. But I don’t ever meet older single women. They tend to be married which makes perfect sense. So…… as I said to Will once, I fish at the pond I’m standing in. This leaves me with a couple of options.

I stop fishing all together and make my peace with being single, forever…… NOPE, not an option. If I end up single, it won’t be from not trying. I am not built for forever solitude. I’m made for commitment.

I can continue doing what I’m doing and hope for the best. (What I’m doing is keeping my eyes open to all possibilities.)

I can hope a friend sets me up. They all tend to be younger, so I’m back at square one with younger women and I don’t think any of the friends I have would set me up.

And then there’s the, heaven forbid, Internet dating. Not thrilled about that possibility, but desperate times call for desperate measures! Haven’t decided to do it yet, but every night I go to bed alone, I think about it.

The bottom line is I’m lonely and want companionship. Not a friend! Friends can’t comfort you in the middle of the night when you have a bad dream. They don’t hold your hand when watching a movie or walking down the street. Friends don’t give you that special look that says, “I really, really like YOU.”

Is it wrong for me to want more? To expect more? I don’t think so. I have great friends in America and Taiwan. I have two wonderful children. I have a very good life. I am richly blessed. But the fact is, I am traveling through life alone. It doesn’t feel very good.

I’m not going through some type of mid-life crisis, or “searching” for myself. I like who I am. I am a GOOD man with a big heart. I am not looking to be completed or fulfilled by another person. I’ve learned in life, that one person cannot complete or fulfill another. Here’s what we can do: We can love, support, nurture, cry, laugh, dance, learn and giggle with. We help them carry some of the excess baggage life hands us. And you know what, that’s a good thing.

I want that with somebody.

Peace 戴格智

Trying to Find Something To Smile About

Where in the World is D?

Just like the title says, "Trying to find something to smile about."

If you read down a little further you will come to two blog entries where ..... hmmmm, life isn't going so well for me. I am trying to be more "OPEN" with my feelings and thoughts on my blog. So now readers are getting a little closer look inside my head. Scary isn't it!

But I don't like being a downer all the time, so I try to find ways to lighten up the my writing. So in the quest to find something to smile about I offer up these two events today.

The first happened at "the breakfast shop" I can't tell you the name, but many people know it. It is near Starbucks and the gym. I go to this shop 3-4 time a week for dinner or to buy breakfast for the next day. I try very hard to speak Chinese, and they are very patient with me. Tonight, the lady that works there was making fun of me because I say "yes" to every thing she said. Tomorrow I will surprise her and say "OK" to everything. Just to mix it up.

The other thing that made me smile tonight was the teacher in the "Body Jam" class at gym. I met Hao Ting there. The instructor said hello, and I said to her jokingly, "How GAY is He?!" She said a little. HA calling him a little gay is like saying the Queen is a little British. He made fun of his English, of himself and others in class. It was fun! He even flirted with me during the class. In the U.S. it would have bothered me, but here it was SO over the top, I couldn't help but laugh with everyone else. I even thanked him for a good class at the end.

Laughter is good medicine. So is exercise. I laughed during an exercise class. I couldn't have asked for much more than that.

Peace

White People are at it Again. or America, the Ugly

Where is the World is D Today?

Trying not to HATE ALL White people. But they are making it really hard.
(If you are white and are easily offended by an angry Black man, stop reading now. Or if you want some insight as to why I'm angry, proceed knowing you've been warned.)

In my blog post America the Beautiful, I referred to the uncomfortable history The United States of America has with it's people of color, more specifically, Black People.

"White People are at it again", was in the message line I got from my son Tim a week ago. He wanted to tell me he had been attacked by two white men in a truck. He was on a bike. They called him several bad names, pursued him, and eventually ran him down! OK, white people give me a reason not to hate you?! This is my son in the year 2009. This is not turn of the century or the middle of the 20th Century, Civil Rights Movement America!...... not that it should make a difference.

I hate making generalization and typically do not. And if you know me at all, you KNOW this is NOT my usual language or behavior. But it is not ME you are messing with now. This is MY SON! I am angry on a level that you really can not understand. I've tried being calm about this, but where is the area for calm with something so senseless. There is no point that reasonable people of any race can conclude. The point is clear; We're white, there is a defenfeless Black man, let's hurt him.... just because we can.

I had a white friend ask me several years ago, "why are Black people angry all the time?" Because we have to put up with shit like this All the Damn Time!!! You try living your life trying to keep YOU happy. I don't think you will be happy until you TAKE everything.

Now, as I said in the beginning, I am trying hard NOT to hate all white people. I really am. I don't think it's a normal part of my mental and emotional make up. Feeling helpless in protecting my son drives me. Feeling annoyed that even in Taiwan, white people act superior. You're a foreigner too, and learn the language dammit! If you don't like to food or culture, go home! Stop complaining.

In the meantime, I will try to cool my jets. Remembering that I have some very dear friends in Shawn, Randy, David, Craig and the other Fantasy Football guys at DESE. There are others from Hickman High School and Columbia, MO... But the number of bad, goofy in the head, the south will rise again, Obama is a Socialist and not born in America, skin head and closet racist out there overwhelming out number the good honest respectful white folk.... It just gets really hard to tell the good guys from the bad guys. And when it involves my son, it is impossible.

To the good white folk, I know you're out there, I've met lots of you. Can you please tell your hateful white brethen to leave me and my family alone.

Earth Quakes are bad. Seriously... I mean BAD

Where in the World is D today?

Recovering from his first Earth Quake!

By Taiwan standards, they said it was small. By Columbia, MO standards is HUGE!

2:00 A.M. The whole world starts to shake and sway. This is a bad way to wake up. I live on the 14th floor. (I'm told this increases the effect by some measure.)

I don't know how long it went on officially, but it seemed an enternity.

My reactions, In the order I can recall them: Disorientation. Fear. Panic. Body Shaking. Vomit. Tears. Body Shaking. Breathing. Staring Outside. Staring at the Ceiling. Loneliness. Isolation. Waiting for Sunrise.

Give me a tornado ANY DAY! I understand tornado's. Earth Quakes are FUBAR.

(If you don't know FUBAR, send me an email and I'll explain it. There is a really bad word in this Acronym I don't want to use in public.)

America the Beautiful (Be sure and read it.)

OK, I hate blogspot again. As you scroll down, America the Beautiful should come before Did I just say that?!

They are separate entries, but if you've already read Did I say that, then you will miss America.

Just make sure you read America the Beautiful, Thanks. And check out the Ray Charles video too.

Did I Really Just Say That?!

Where in the World is D Today?

Laughing At What He Just Said, OUT LOUD.
There are some things that I’ve said ‘out loud’ in the last 5 months that I can not imagine I would have said before coming to Taiwan. Here’s the list I’ve been keeping:

What the heck is the cleaning lady doing in here? (I said this while standing at a urinal.)

Dude! Argyle socks at the gym?!

I REALLY LIKE Tofu and Soybean milk!

There's more than one type of Tofu?!

Why are the shoes wrapped in plastic?

It has got to take special skill to wear a mini-skirt and pumps when riding a scooter. But women manage it well.

You just line-cut me for Luu Wei!

Wah Cao!

A woman in the men’s room would have seemed odd 5 months ago. (Again, said while standing at a urinal.)

Are you kidding me? A pink helmet! Dude!

I was just trying to say 7, 8!

Umm… do you think you can drive on the other side of the street?

Have you ever heard of Super Dave?

KTV is so cool!

Really! I’m not making this up! For a long time, Bubbles was his best friend in the world.

OK….... I’m guessing the middle finger here means the same as it does in the U.S.

Smoking and texting while driving a scooter seems like a bad idea to me. I'm just sayin'...

Children in Taiwan are fearless. (referring to little kids on scooters)

They do WHAT?! In Thailand!! (referring to a conversation about transgendered males.)

No way that’s a dude! He makes a very pretty girl. (again, about transgendered males in Thailand.)

No Thanks, shooting at each other with BB guns that look and shoot like machine guns isn’t my idea of a good time. (This is from a conversation with another Westerner. Canadians.. go figure.) LOL

Beetle nuts aren’t made out of beetles?! Are They?

No, I DON’T want to choose snake for soup.

I like the way it tastes. Don’t ruin it by telling me what it is.

Note to self: Stop speaking in metaphors and movie quotes.

Chinese R&B... That's a phrase I would have never said a month ago.

Where can I by a mask?

I am the exception to the "foreigner guy" rule.

No, people don’t treat me like an animal. Panda is just a metaphor.

I have GOT to learn Chinese faster!

Don’t be upset at me. I didn’t make up the name. There’s a reason they call it Stinky Tofu!

I am Free Entertainment at the gym. Especially step class!

I don't think asking someone to take their mask off BEFORE going into the is asking too much.

I appreciate the faith you have in me, but I think it’s a bad idea for me to drive.