Posts
Where in the World is D Today?
Feeling less like a Panda?
In my last post I pondered a few aspects of culture shock as they pertain specifically to me.
Being in Missouri the weather, or should I say the temperature, is much more palatable than Chicago and Galesburg. The weather here has been gray and gloomy, much like Taiwan was when I left.
I drove my car for the first time in a year. I actually worried a bit if it could still manage the gearshift without seeming like a beginning. My worries were unfounded. My body remembered the car quite well and it felt like the car remembered me too. It was a very pleasant experience driving my car again. I missed it more than I knew.
My Dear, Dear Friend Lyn gave me a coming home dinner party with my "Obama Buddies", Peter and Ty, Kurt, Lisa and their son Jake, and Charles and Monica. Lefty progressives all! It was fun to talk politics and culture. I was in a room of people who "got" me and I "got" them. Food and drink and lots of laughter. It was shear bliss.
I spent time with three of my former students yesterday, Duane, Dart, and Jerry. Most of the time was with Dart and Duane. I was very close to these guys as a teacher, mentor and role model. We laughed and clowned around just as before. I nagged Dart about his sagging pants and Duane about his smoking, just like before. Just as before, out of respect for me, Dart pulled up his pants and Duane didn't smoke in the car. Jerry was as "thought full" as ever. I always like that about him. A thinker, that my kind of guy!!
I've had a few Chinese moments along the way since being here. My desire to maintain what little ability I have to speak Chinese has prompted me to bold as I would not have been, nor needed to be in Taiwan. I've approached a few people that I thought looked Chinese and spoke to them in Chinese. It was both terrifying and gratifying at the same time. They clearly did not expect me to speak Chinese. And they were so pleased that I did. Most importantly, They Could UNDERSTAND me!!!!!!!!!! Say it with me people.... AWESOME!!!!! I now truly understand what it must feel like to a stranger who approaches me in Taiwan. They want to talk and are genuinely interested, but KNOW their language ability is limited.
My time with Sean and Marcy has been fun. They were at the dinner last night and was able to see a part of my world that they had never really seen been apart of before, me interacting with "my grown up friends".
Things ARE beginning to feel "normal". I still need to get to KC to see the rest of the family and my friend Tracy. There are still many people to see here in Columbia. Time is becoming a factor now. But I am not going to let myself get stressed by it. (Yeah, Right!! LOL)
In the U.S. I'm not so much of a Panda. I know the rules and the culture intuitively. I've always been a bit of an odd nut here. The difference is how I "choose" to be an odd nut here and in Taiwan, I am an odd nut by mere virtue of my existence.
But I'll tell you a secret. I miss my life as a Panda. It is often uncomfortable for me in Taiwan. But, I do have dear and trusted friends and allies in James, Ray, Jack, Will, Claire and my Starbucks buddies. I miss my Taiwan family of May, Ken and Kevin. I miss Even, Hao Ting and my Chinese Teacher Zoe. I miss the adventure of living as a foreigner. I don't love the challenges, but I always manage to get over and around them with the help of my friends. I have a GREAT support system! AND, I miss the food soooooooo much!I've said it so many times since I've been here. Taiwan food is DELICIOUS!!
So, yeah, you can go home. It's familiar and comfortable again, and still a little odd. BUT... I like CoMO (Columbia, Missouri) my friends and family. I remains true as I said in a blog post some months back, America is my home. I will always be her son. Someday I will return for good. In the meantime, Taiwan calls me and I must answer.
Peace
戴格智
Showing posts with label Taiwan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Taiwan. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Can you ever go "home" again?
Where in the world is D Today?
Sitting in the Gizmo, the student cafe at Knox College.
Tim is in a scholarship meeting now so I got some time to kill. So I thought I'd share some of my inititial unfiltered thoughts on being back in America.
If you are a traveler let me recommend any airline other than American Airlines. I will never EVER use this airline again. It was a HORRIBLE experience from beginning to end. And more importantly to me, they were not "nice" as I was getting screwed over. There was a serious f u buddy attitude the whole time.
On the Other hand, if you were ever to travel to Taiwan, I Highly recommend EVA Airways! They were gracious, caring and gentle with all of their travelers. I experienced it from the moment of trying to check in to the moment I stepped off the plane.
OK, so much airline reviews....
I've been back in the country for approximately 4 days now and I've found America to be.......... an uncomfortable place to be.
First of all it's physically uncomfortable. It's so cold. There is snow everywhere. I didn't like snow before I went to Taiwan. I really hate it now. Also, I've been bitten by some time of bug all over both of my legs. itch, itch.. scratch, scratch.
Second, The people here are so..... BIG! Both in height and girth. I feel very small.
I don't look like a Taiwan person, but I FEEL more like a Taiwan person right now.
I love being with Tim, but it's more and more clear we see the world very differently. That's really ok. Every man must find his own way. But as is often the case with youth, he feels he has all the answers. We are talking... correction, he's talking and I'm listening. Maybe he'll convince we. I am all ears. The kid is smart so it does my heart good to listen to him speak with not only intelligence but passion. Problem is smart passionate young people are not particularly good listeners.
The food tastes funny. I miss Taiwan food. And I want to use my chop sticks. Forks are too awkward. (Haha- I would have never said that a year ago.)
This is so odd, because I am going through a cultural transition in Taiwan, and now I'm going through on here. Is there anyplace I can feel "at home"? Today I feel most home in Taiwan. I'll keep you posted over the coming weeks.
Peace
戴格智
Sitting in the Gizmo, the student cafe at Knox College.
Tim is in a scholarship meeting now so I got some time to kill. So I thought I'd share some of my inititial unfiltered thoughts on being back in America.
If you are a traveler let me recommend any airline other than American Airlines. I will never EVER use this airline again. It was a HORRIBLE experience from beginning to end. And more importantly to me, they were not "nice" as I was getting screwed over. There was a serious f u buddy attitude the whole time.
On the Other hand, if you were ever to travel to Taiwan, I Highly recommend EVA Airways! They were gracious, caring and gentle with all of their travelers. I experienced it from the moment of trying to check in to the moment I stepped off the plane.
OK, so much airline reviews....
I've been back in the country for approximately 4 days now and I've found America to be.......... an uncomfortable place to be.
First of all it's physically uncomfortable. It's so cold. There is snow everywhere. I didn't like snow before I went to Taiwan. I really hate it now. Also, I've been bitten by some time of bug all over both of my legs. itch, itch.. scratch, scratch.
Second, The people here are so..... BIG! Both in height and girth. I feel very small.
I don't look like a Taiwan person, but I FEEL more like a Taiwan person right now.
I love being with Tim, but it's more and more clear we see the world very differently. That's really ok. Every man must find his own way. But as is often the case with youth, he feels he has all the answers. We are talking... correction, he's talking and I'm listening. Maybe he'll convince we. I am all ears. The kid is smart so it does my heart good to listen to him speak with not only intelligence but passion. Problem is smart passionate young people are not particularly good listeners.
The food tastes funny. I miss Taiwan food. And I want to use my chop sticks. Forks are too awkward. (Haha- I would have never said that a year ago.)
This is so odd, because I am going through a cultural transition in Taiwan, and now I'm going through on here. Is there anyplace I can feel "at home"? Today I feel most home in Taiwan. I'll keep you posted over the coming weeks.
Peace
戴格智
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Trying To Get Back To Normal
Where in the World is D?
Saying Hello, Ni Hao, Whazz Up and other random thoughts.
I love to write. I write both as a form of expression and as therapy. But good writing takes time and is a discipline. I sometimes have the time, but lack the discipline.
I’m out of practice because of my self imposed silence, at least for good expressive writing. I’ve have written for therapy over the past months. Much of it has not made it the blog and likely never will. Some things are a bit too personal for such a public place. Yeah, yeah, I know I promised some months back to share openly the good and the bad of my experience. You’ll still the ……. Mmm painful, for lack of a better term at the moment, but the blog just got too sad.
Fact is, while I do have moments of great sadness, loneliness the occasional feeling of regret. I also have moments of fun and laughter too. I want to go back to those quirky observations I made before. They were more fun. Let us begin….
First thing that has been on my mind on a daily basis is the men’s locker room at the gym. Men please, for my sake if not yours, put on a towel!! And definitely put on a towel if you are going to relax in the area with the newspapers. It think it pretty cool the gym offers that area. But not so cool wonder if I sit in this chair, has some dudes naked ass and other parts been hanging out, pardon the expression, in the same chair recently. I don’t care if you just took a shower, it’s just not cool, OK?!
Second, I offer my side of a recent conversation. But one I have more often than you know.
“No, I don’t him.”
“Yes, they are a foreign.”
“Really, I don’t care.”
“No, if he wants to know me, he’ll come over.”
“No I have nothing against him.”
“He is probably like me. If he wanted to be with another foreigner, he would go to a place where a lot foreigners hangout. Not a bar full of Taiwan people.”
Last night at C’est La Vie, I had, what can only, be described as a very awkward greeting between myself and a guy named John. For the record, for all my Taiwan friends, not all foreigners know each other or want to know each other. It’s OK. Really, it is.
John and I are both American. And we were both clearly uncomfortable with this forced meeting. He was white and had a pretty strong urban east coast accent. I am Black and from the Midwest. Odds are the only thing we have in common is English and being a foreigner in Taiwan. Chances are, that we may have indeed spoken to each other during the course of the evening. C’est la Vie is not that big. But it a little like being on the playground in 1st grade and being forced to play with the new kid.
My first instinct was “What the hell is he doing in MY joint?!” Yeah, I said “MY”. I started going to C’est la Vie when the first opened. I got squatters rights! John speaks more Chinese and communication is easier for him, but ME they love. I’m more than a customer their. I’m a friend. A few weeks ago, on Halloween, they let me be a guest bartender. It really forced my Chinese in a different way. It was fun. So I think it’s fair to say C’est la Vie is MY place.
That'll do it for now.
Good Luck
戴格智
Saying Hello, Ni Hao, Whazz Up and other random thoughts.
I love to write. I write both as a form of expression and as therapy. But good writing takes time and is a discipline. I sometimes have the time, but lack the discipline.
I’m out of practice because of my self imposed silence, at least for good expressive writing. I’ve have written for therapy over the past months. Much of it has not made it the blog and likely never will. Some things are a bit too personal for such a public place. Yeah, yeah, I know I promised some months back to share openly the good and the bad of my experience. You’ll still the ……. Mmm painful, for lack of a better term at the moment, but the blog just got too sad.
Fact is, while I do have moments of great sadness, loneliness the occasional feeling of regret. I also have moments of fun and laughter too. I want to go back to those quirky observations I made before. They were more fun. Let us begin….
First thing that has been on my mind on a daily basis is the men’s locker room at the gym. Men please, for my sake if not yours, put on a towel!! And definitely put on a towel if you are going to relax in the area with the newspapers. It think it pretty cool the gym offers that area. But not so cool wonder if I sit in this chair, has some dudes naked ass and other parts been hanging out, pardon the expression, in the same chair recently. I don’t care if you just took a shower, it’s just not cool, OK?!
Second, I offer my side of a recent conversation. But one I have more often than you know.
“No, I don’t him.”
“Yes, they are a foreign.”
“Really, I don’t care.”
“No, if he wants to know me, he’ll come over.”
“No I have nothing against him.”
“He is probably like me. If he wanted to be with another foreigner, he would go to a place where a lot foreigners hangout. Not a bar full of Taiwan people.”
Last night at C’est La Vie, I had, what can only, be described as a very awkward greeting between myself and a guy named John. For the record, for all my Taiwan friends, not all foreigners know each other or want to know each other. It’s OK. Really, it is.
John and I are both American. And we were both clearly uncomfortable with this forced meeting. He was white and had a pretty strong urban east coast accent. I am Black and from the Midwest. Odds are the only thing we have in common is English and being a foreigner in Taiwan. Chances are, that we may have indeed spoken to each other during the course of the evening. C’est la Vie is not that big. But it a little like being on the playground in 1st grade and being forced to play with the new kid.
My first instinct was “What the hell is he doing in MY joint?!” Yeah, I said “MY”. I started going to C’est la Vie when the first opened. I got squatters rights! John speaks more Chinese and communication is easier for him, but ME they love. I’m more than a customer their. I’m a friend. A few weeks ago, on Halloween, they let me be a guest bartender. It really forced my Chinese in a different way. It was fun. So I think it’s fair to say C’est la Vie is MY place.
That'll do it for now.
Good Luck
戴格智
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Bang, Crash, BOOM!
Where in the World is D Today?
Standing on the corner with his mouth wide open.
Given my latest propensity for silence these days, it would take something extraordinary to persuade me to write. Extraordinary indeed!
I am often struck, at the differences in Taiwan culture and my Midwest American culture. In Columbia, MO and American in general, I KNOW what defines as “Normal”. In ANY given situation I can anticipate most outcomes. Of course, there are occasionally exceptions, but human beings by and large are creatures of habit and culture. I would suspect that is true of humans no matter where on the earth they are.
While humans, on one hand, are the same in this relatively simple aspect worldwide, (culture), on the other hand, it (culture)is something that has as many variable and variances as there are people. This leads me to the event today that still leaves me scratching my head in curiosity.
Today on my very routine walk home, crossing the street at the same corner I have crossed at the same time every day I don’t see, but rather hear a crash. But it sounds …… odd. As my foot is reaching the curb I immediately look to my right, there lying in the street is a motor scooter knocked on its side with a woman lying partially under it. She has been hit by a car. I temper my immediate impulse to run out to see if she is ok. My instincts are quelled my two things. One, the traffic does NOT stop… at all. Seriously, NOBODY stops! What the hell?! The second thing that stops me is the policeman in the middle of the street who has been directing traffic. (By the way, isn’t he there to keep this sort of thing from happening?!)
The man driving the car jumps out and runs to the woman crying and holding her leg. Traffic keeps moving at it’s frantic Taiwanese pace. The cop very casually, (really that’s no exaggeration), comes over to the woman leans done to talk to her for a moment. The guy who hits her moves her scooter out of the street and to my utter amazement the traffic cop grabs the woman by the arm and pulls her up to her feet. Or rather her foot. She wobbles and limps over to the side of the street next to her scooter. In witnessing this scene I notice two more things. A car hits the woman’s helmet. I don’t know if she took it off or it got knocked off. Second, as the light changes people begin to cross the intersection in the direction of the accident. 4 people walked past the woman’s shoe, which had been clearly knocked off in the collision and was lying in the intersection. In a twisted combination of frustration, annoyance and compassion, I start to brave the traffic to get the woman’s shoe when the traffic cop comes over and gets it.
As this is happening the car that hit the woman LEAVES!! What?! The cop isn’t even going to write his name and license down?! Then to my utter surprise, the woman collects herself, hops on her scooter and rides away! The traffic cop saunters back to the middle of the intersection and everything continues like “Normal”. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON IN THIS COUNTRY?!
Is what I saw today normal? I really don’t understand this aspect of Taiwan culture. As for the traffic cop, I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but as a observer, it seemed it he was not at all concerned about the woman’s well being. Or has he seen this so many times, it’s normal to him and he can assess the woman’s injuries very quickly. Am I simply being an over-sensitive westerner? I am both disturbed and perplexed by today’s event. Mad props to the woman. If I had to go into a battle, I’d want her on my side. If it were me, I would probably still be lying in the fetal position.
As an interesting side note, I am about to buy a motor scooter. So if I have an accident, is my biggest concern going to be, not the car that just hit me, but the possibility of getting hit by another car as it continues on its way without seemingly any regard that I just crashed.
Over the course of my 9+ months in Taiwan, I have found Taiwan people to genuinely kind and compassionate people.
Just don’t have an accident on your motor bike.
Standing on the corner with his mouth wide open.
Given my latest propensity for silence these days, it would take something extraordinary to persuade me to write. Extraordinary indeed!
I am often struck, at the differences in Taiwan culture and my Midwest American culture. In Columbia, MO and American in general, I KNOW what defines as “Normal”. In ANY given situation I can anticipate most outcomes. Of course, there are occasionally exceptions, but human beings by and large are creatures of habit and culture. I would suspect that is true of humans no matter where on the earth they are.
While humans, on one hand, are the same in this relatively simple aspect worldwide, (culture), on the other hand, it (culture)is something that has as many variable and variances as there are people. This leads me to the event today that still leaves me scratching my head in curiosity.
Today on my very routine walk home, crossing the street at the same corner I have crossed at the same time every day I don’t see, but rather hear a crash. But it sounds …… odd. As my foot is reaching the curb I immediately look to my right, there lying in the street is a motor scooter knocked on its side with a woman lying partially under it. She has been hit by a car. I temper my immediate impulse to run out to see if she is ok. My instincts are quelled my two things. One, the traffic does NOT stop… at all. Seriously, NOBODY stops! What the hell?! The second thing that stops me is the policeman in the middle of the street who has been directing traffic. (By the way, isn’t he there to keep this sort of thing from happening?!)
The man driving the car jumps out and runs to the woman crying and holding her leg. Traffic keeps moving at it’s frantic Taiwanese pace. The cop very casually, (really that’s no exaggeration), comes over to the woman leans done to talk to her for a moment. The guy who hits her moves her scooter out of the street and to my utter amazement the traffic cop grabs the woman by the arm and pulls her up to her feet. Or rather her foot. She wobbles and limps over to the side of the street next to her scooter. In witnessing this scene I notice two more things. A car hits the woman’s helmet. I don’t know if she took it off or it got knocked off. Second, as the light changes people begin to cross the intersection in the direction of the accident. 4 people walked past the woman’s shoe, which had been clearly knocked off in the collision and was lying in the intersection. In a twisted combination of frustration, annoyance and compassion, I start to brave the traffic to get the woman’s shoe when the traffic cop comes over and gets it.
As this is happening the car that hit the woman LEAVES!! What?! The cop isn’t even going to write his name and license down?! Then to my utter surprise, the woman collects herself, hops on her scooter and rides away! The traffic cop saunters back to the middle of the intersection and everything continues like “Normal”. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON IN THIS COUNTRY?!
Is what I saw today normal? I really don’t understand this aspect of Taiwan culture. As for the traffic cop, I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but as a observer, it seemed it he was not at all concerned about the woman’s well being. Or has he seen this so many times, it’s normal to him and he can assess the woman’s injuries very quickly. Am I simply being an over-sensitive westerner? I am both disturbed and perplexed by today’s event. Mad props to the woman. If I had to go into a battle, I’d want her on my side. If it were me, I would probably still be lying in the fetal position.
As an interesting side note, I am about to buy a motor scooter. So if I have an accident, is my biggest concern going to be, not the car that just hit me, but the possibility of getting hit by another car as it continues on its way without seemingly any regard that I just crashed.
Over the course of my 9+ months in Taiwan, I have found Taiwan people to genuinely kind and compassionate people.
Just don’t have an accident on your motor bike.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Turning the Tables
Where in the World is D?
Wondering how much of his hearing is lost. (Dang! Turn the music down just a little. My ears are bleeding!)
10.11.09
A funny thing happened at Search night club the other night. Actually two things happened but this is just about one. I’ll talk about the police raid later.
I’m not the smartest guy when it comes to women. This is a well known and documented fact. While I don’t always know when a Taiwanese woman is flirting, I do generally know when a western woman, probably American in this case, is flirting. It happened a couple of times. But as much as Taiwan people think “white girls” are SOOOOO Beautiful, I’ve been around them all my life and am not so easily impressed. Especially when just about every white women in this country has treated me like some unwelcome dog turd that someone dragged in. These girls were “cute” but VERY average. Anyway, I digress. There were a few attempts at flirtation that I all but ignored. I just wasn’t interested.
Later in the evening, to make a long explanation short, a guy named Mamba said he would bring over some girls to hang out with. Cool. You know what is about happen right?! I sitting there chillin’ like a mug, when he comes back with this group of girls. They look at me and the look on their face was just priceless. The luck was something like “F_ _k!” My look back was something along the line of “yep it’s me again, and I still don’t want to hang with you.” There was some talking in the group and they turn around and leave.
If you’re one of those nice guys like me, who have often been rejected for whatever reason by a cute girl, This ones for you buddy!
This might make me a bad person, but it felt good to be on the other end of that equation.
Good Luck
戴格智
Wondering how much of his hearing is lost. (Dang! Turn the music down just a little. My ears are bleeding!)
10.11.09
A funny thing happened at Search night club the other night. Actually two things happened but this is just about one. I’ll talk about the police raid later.
I’m not the smartest guy when it comes to women. This is a well known and documented fact. While I don’t always know when a Taiwanese woman is flirting, I do generally know when a western woman, probably American in this case, is flirting. It happened a couple of times. But as much as Taiwan people think “white girls” are SOOOOO Beautiful, I’ve been around them all my life and am not so easily impressed. Especially when just about every white women in this country has treated me like some unwelcome dog turd that someone dragged in. These girls were “cute” but VERY average. Anyway, I digress. There were a few attempts at flirtation that I all but ignored. I just wasn’t interested.
Later in the evening, to make a long explanation short, a guy named Mamba said he would bring over some girls to hang out with. Cool. You know what is about happen right?! I sitting there chillin’ like a mug, when he comes back with this group of girls. They look at me and the look on their face was just priceless. The luck was something like “F_ _k!” My look back was something along the line of “yep it’s me again, and I still don’t want to hang with you.” There was some talking in the group and they turn around and leave.
If you’re one of those nice guys like me, who have often been rejected for whatever reason by a cute girl, This ones for you buddy!
This might make me a bad person, but it felt good to be on the other end of that equation.
Good Luck
戴格智
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Mountain Climbing at Three Valleys
Where in the World is D?
Enjoying the View.
Last week I went mountain climbing on Three Valley's Mountain with my friend Even, my Chinese Teacher and friend Zoe and my new friends from National Central University. When invited me she did indeed say "mountain climbing". I asked if it were difficult. She said no. So I thought when she said climbing, she meant "hiking". (These misunderstandings happen all the time.) Well she DID indeed mean CLIMBING! And it wasn't easy. It was hard!
I hurt my foot about 2/3 of the way down the mountain and had to go to the hospital. Slipped on a wet rock. Hey! It happens. I was looking at the blood from the leach I pulled off a few minutes before. My hand bled the rest of the way down the mountain. (That reads really bad, and while it wasn't good, it wasn't as bad as it seems.) Another side note: The pictures don't completely capture the beauty of the mountain or the genuine danger of some of the situations. At no point were any of us attached to a safety line. I'm still not sure if that is adventurous or just stupid. HA!
In the end it was a GREAT DAY with friends and nature. My hand eventually stopped bleeding. My foot still hurts a little but is fine after some quality affordable health care. Here are some of the pics of this very good day.
Enjoying the View.
Last week I went mountain climbing on Three Valley's Mountain with my friend Even, my Chinese Teacher and friend Zoe and my new friends from National Central University. When invited me she did indeed say "mountain climbing". I asked if it were difficult. She said no. So I thought when she said climbing, she meant "hiking". (These misunderstandings happen all the time.) Well she DID indeed mean CLIMBING! And it wasn't easy. It was hard!
I hurt my foot about 2/3 of the way down the mountain and had to go to the hospital. Slipped on a wet rock. Hey! It happens. I was looking at the blood from the leach I pulled off a few minutes before. My hand bled the rest of the way down the mountain. (That reads really bad, and while it wasn't good, it wasn't as bad as it seems.) Another side note: The pictures don't completely capture the beauty of the mountain or the genuine danger of some of the situations. At no point were any of us attached to a safety line. I'm still not sure if that is adventurous or just stupid. HA!
In the end it was a GREAT DAY with friends and nature. My hand eventually stopped bleeding. My foot still hurts a little but is fine after some quality affordable health care. Here are some of the pics of this very good day.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Typhoon Day!! Day 1
Where in the World is D Today?
Chillin' at Starbucks.
Today I didn't have to work because it's a Typhoon Day! Here in Jhongli, it's not too bad, so far. I walked to Starbucks without any problems. The hardest part of my walk was convincing the guy outside the KTV I really did NOT want to come in for a beer.
*That will make sense to Taiwan people, but not to everybody else. In short, there are two types of KTV. One type of KTV you go sing with your friends, be silly and have fun. The other KTV men go to, "to have a..... beer" You can fill in the blanks yourself.
Since I have the basic philosophy and personality type that will talk to anybody who is friendly to me, it sometimes leads to interesting and sometimes comical situations. The KTV guys are usually very nice to me but usually don't speak English. So the explanations of "beer" are usually physical gestures and pretty descriptive. Everybody usually has a pretty good laugh at it. Like I said, they're always nice to me. But I have enough Chinese now, that I can tell them No, I don't want that. They smile and wave and say bye-bye. Sometimes they give me a card and shake my hand. I have generally stopped going down the streets where I know that I will get approached. But it was during the day and these places are generally closed early afternoon. But maybe they open early on Typhoon Days! Or maybe everybody doesn't get the day off for Typhoon Days. Starbucks is open, so why not KTV. The service industry is the service industry no matter how you slice it, right? HA!
They rest of my Typhoon day looks to be a bit boring. My landlord didn't pay the internet/cable bill!! I'm irritated on multiple levels. There's a Typhoon and I'm completely cut off from the world unless I go out in to the dang Typhoon to use the internet at starbucks.
I went to the gym but it was closed for the Typhoon Day. It should be noted that I do understand why some places are closed. People commute from all over. So just because it is sort of calm in Jhongli, another county may be getting hammered. So it is safest to NOT make people go to work. So I'll keep hanging out here at Starbucks for a bit. Do some Chinese homework, etc. I can write my Chinese name now. It takes about a full minute to do. But that is a big improvement from it taking 2-3 minutes just to write the first word!
That'll do it for now.
Peace
戴格智
Chillin' at Starbucks.
Today I didn't have to work because it's a Typhoon Day! Here in Jhongli, it's not too bad, so far. I walked to Starbucks without any problems. The hardest part of my walk was convincing the guy outside the KTV I really did NOT want to come in for a beer.
*That will make sense to Taiwan people, but not to everybody else. In short, there are two types of KTV. One type of KTV you go sing with your friends, be silly and have fun. The other KTV men go to, "to have a..... beer" You can fill in the blanks yourself.
Since I have the basic philosophy and personality type that will talk to anybody who is friendly to me, it sometimes leads to interesting and sometimes comical situations. The KTV guys are usually very nice to me but usually don't speak English. So the explanations of "beer" are usually physical gestures and pretty descriptive. Everybody usually has a pretty good laugh at it. Like I said, they're always nice to me. But I have enough Chinese now, that I can tell them No, I don't want that. They smile and wave and say bye-bye. Sometimes they give me a card and shake my hand. I have generally stopped going down the streets where I know that I will get approached. But it was during the day and these places are generally closed early afternoon. But maybe they open early on Typhoon Days! Or maybe everybody doesn't get the day off for Typhoon Days. Starbucks is open, so why not KTV. The service industry is the service industry no matter how you slice it, right? HA!
They rest of my Typhoon day looks to be a bit boring. My landlord didn't pay the internet/cable bill!! I'm irritated on multiple levels. There's a Typhoon and I'm completely cut off from the world unless I go out in to the dang Typhoon to use the internet at starbucks.
I went to the gym but it was closed for the Typhoon Day. It should be noted that I do understand why some places are closed. People commute from all over. So just because it is sort of calm in Jhongli, another county may be getting hammered. So it is safest to NOT make people go to work. So I'll keep hanging out here at Starbucks for a bit. Do some Chinese homework, etc. I can write my Chinese name now. It takes about a full minute to do. But that is a big improvement from it taking 2-3 minutes just to write the first word!
That'll do it for now.
Peace
戴格智
Sunday, August 2, 2009
More Growing Pains - May Force Silence
Where in the World is D Today?
Listening to “Angry Music” in Starbucks. The playlist tonight is Living Colour, James Brown, Hazard To Your Booty, Jay-Z, and The Red Hot Chili Peppers.
I’m really frustrated right now. Nah…. Frustrated is the wrong word….. Hmmmm? Is there ONE word to describe feeling lost, lonely, angry, annoyed, stupid and worried all at the same time?
Culture Shock is getting the better of me right now. It feels like a losing battle and I'll never get really comfortable. I know intellectually it'll be better at some point. But Emotionally, right now, it feels horrible.
I want to talk, but, every time I open my mouth …. I get misunderstood. I think that misunderstand comes from a natural language barrier, my inability to express the complexities of my mind in elementary English. Also adding to this are the huge cultural differences of age, background, and life experience.
I can see my friends genuinely WANT to understand what’s bothering me, but too often, because of cultural differences I think, they do not see why this thing or that thing is such a worry. And I get “just don’t worry about it. Be happy.” I want to scream every time I hear that phrase now. I hear it a lot!
The basic choice I have now is to not say anything and just put on a happy face. That seems the best (most culturally proper) thing for me to do. It’s good for them, but for me…. Mmm not so much. Talking is good therapy for me. So will apologize in advance that more of my blog entries might tend to be a bit on the depressed side of things.
I suppose I could just write and not share, but that sort of defeats the purpose. The point of the blog is to let you see the world from my perspective… to let you inside my head a bit.
Anybody care to give me your thoughts on what you want to see on the blog?
I’m going to try something new now. I am going to post some song lyrics. The song is Under the Bridge by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The song speaks in metaphors just like I do and it resonates with me strongly right now. When I get frustrated I walk. Hopefully you’ll understand when you read. I know there are a few mistakes in the Chinese, but I don’t know how to change them.
Peace ~ 戴格智
Under The Bridge ~ Red Hot Chili Peppers
Sometimes I feel
Like I dont have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angel
Lonely as I am
Together we cry
I drive on her streets
cause shes my companion
I walk through her hills
cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie
I dont ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way
Its hard to believe
That theres nobody out there
Its hard to believe
That Im all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry
I dont ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way
Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away
橋下〜紅辣椒
有時候，我覺得
我不喜歡的合作夥伴
有時候，我覺得
像我唯一的朋友
是我住在城市
天使城
孤獨的我
我們一起哭
我開她的街道
我的同伴事業喜
我走過她的丘陵
導致她知道我是誰
她看到我的好事
她親吻我的風
我從來不擔心
現在這是一個謊言
我不想要的感覺
像我這一天
請帶我去的地方我愛
把我所有的道路
其很難相信
這人有theres
其很難相信
即時通訊獨自
至少我有她的愛
這個城市，她愛我
孤獨的我
我們一起哭
我不想要的感覺
像我這一天
請帶我去的地方我愛
把我所有的道路
在市中心的橋樑
就是我提請一些血液
在市中心的橋樑
我無法獲得足夠的
在市中心的橋樑
忘了我的愛
在市中心的橋樑
我給了我生命
Listening to “Angry Music” in Starbucks. The playlist tonight is Living Colour, James Brown, Hazard To Your Booty, Jay-Z, and The Red Hot Chili Peppers.
I’m really frustrated right now. Nah…. Frustrated is the wrong word….. Hmmmm? Is there ONE word to describe feeling lost, lonely, angry, annoyed, stupid and worried all at the same time?
Culture Shock is getting the better of me right now. It feels like a losing battle and I'll never get really comfortable. I know intellectually it'll be better at some point. But Emotionally, right now, it feels horrible.
I want to talk, but, every time I open my mouth …. I get misunderstood. I think that misunderstand comes from a natural language barrier, my inability to express the complexities of my mind in elementary English. Also adding to this are the huge cultural differences of age, background, and life experience.
I can see my friends genuinely WANT to understand what’s bothering me, but too often, because of cultural differences I think, they do not see why this thing or that thing is such a worry. And I get “just don’t worry about it. Be happy.” I want to scream every time I hear that phrase now. I hear it a lot!
The basic choice I have now is to not say anything and just put on a happy face. That seems the best (most culturally proper) thing for me to do. It’s good for them, but for me…. Mmm not so much. Talking is good therapy for me. So will apologize in advance that more of my blog entries might tend to be a bit on the depressed side of things.
I suppose I could just write and not share, but that sort of defeats the purpose. The point of the blog is to let you see the world from my perspective… to let you inside my head a bit.
Anybody care to give me your thoughts on what you want to see on the blog?
I’m going to try something new now. I am going to post some song lyrics. The song is Under the Bridge by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The song speaks in metaphors just like I do and it resonates with me strongly right now. When I get frustrated I walk. Hopefully you’ll understand when you read. I know there are a few mistakes in the Chinese, but I don’t know how to change them.
Peace ~ 戴格智
Under The Bridge ~ Red Hot Chili Peppers
Sometimes I feel
Like I dont have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angel
Lonely as I am
Together we cry
I drive on her streets
cause shes my companion
I walk through her hills
cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie
I dont ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way
Its hard to believe
That theres nobody out there
Its hard to believe
That Im all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry
I dont ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way
Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away
橋下〜紅辣椒
有時候，我覺得
我不喜歡的合作夥伴
有時候，我覺得
像我唯一的朋友
是我住在城市
天使城
孤獨的我
我們一起哭
我開她的街道
我的同伴事業喜
我走過她的丘陵
導致她知道我是誰
她看到我的好事
她親吻我的風
我從來不擔心
現在這是一個謊言
我不想要的感覺
像我這一天
請帶我去的地方我愛
把我所有的道路
其很難相信
這人有theres
其很難相信
即時通訊獨自
至少我有她的愛
這個城市，她愛我
孤獨的我
我們一起哭
我不想要的感覺
像我這一天
請帶我去的地方我愛
把我所有的道路
在市中心的橋樑
就是我提請一些血液
在市中心的橋樑
我無法獲得足夠的
在市中心的橋樑
忘了我的愛
在市中心的橋樑
我給了我生命
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Chinese Medicine is AWESOME!
Where in the World is D Today?
Marveling at Chinese Medicine.
Two weeks ago I suffered a leg injury at the gym. It wasn't hurt, it was INJURED. I could barely walk. The pain was unbearable when I did walk. I hurt it on a Thursday and after trying to take care of it myself for 4 days I conceded victory and was defeated by my body. On that following Sunday I asked my Chinese Teacher Mei-Ling, Zoe, to go with me to the doctor. Not wanting to waste a trip I mentioned my two hurting knees and a nagging shoulder injury from 2 months ago. What followed what followed was three days of accupunture, electricity, heat, some odd chiropractic and very smelly medicine.
My first visit was on a Monday the third on Wednesday. On Thursday, I was pain free! In the U.S. it would have taken 2-3 weeks to reach the same point of recovery. Chinese Medicine is the bomb! Yeah I said it. I'll say it again, It's the Bomb! LOL, but it's true. Here are some pics Mei-Ling took for me.
Marveling at Chinese Medicine.
Two weeks ago I suffered a leg injury at the gym. It wasn't hurt, it was INJURED. I could barely walk. The pain was unbearable when I did walk. I hurt it on a Thursday and after trying to take care of it myself for 4 days I conceded victory and was defeated by my body. On that following Sunday I asked my Chinese Teacher Mei-Ling, Zoe, to go with me to the doctor. Not wanting to waste a trip I mentioned my two hurting knees and a nagging shoulder injury from 2 months ago. What followed what followed was three days of accupunture, electricity, heat, some odd chiropractic and very smelly medicine.
My first visit was on a Monday the third on Wednesday. On Thursday, I was pain free! In the U.S. it would have taken 2-3 weeks to reach the same point of recovery. Chinese Medicine is the bomb! Yeah I said it. I'll say it again, It's the Bomb! LOL, but it's true. Here are some pics Mei-Ling took for me.
Darryl the Scizophrenic Panda 戴格智 精神分裂症大熊貓
Where in the World is D Today?
Trying to stay balanced in the off center situation that is my life. (I'm not really Scizophrenic, It is only a metaphor for what is to come as you read.)
Before I start, I have to throw a mad shout out to Lyn, Sean and Tim, henceforth know as Team Douglas. Without them I would have no chance at all at balance.
I am sitting on an outside patio at a tea shop near Starbucks. I think the temperature is about a million degrees. It’s just stupid crazy hot today. But, I’m in the shade and there’s a nice breeze so it ok. There’s a gazillion people in Starbucks so I needed to find someplace else to chill.
I’m trying to decide on writing bullet points or the usual narrative. Hmmm………. Ok Free-write stream of conscious it’s going to be. Hope you can understand my scattered brain-ness.
I have two lives. One life in U.S.A ........*Long Pause* I just got interrupted my a very nice older woman. She just came up and started looking over my shoulder at the computer. My response… Mmmm…. Hello?... One hour later, we just finished our conversation. Dang I forgot to get a picture! As I was saying…..
I have two lives. One life in the U.S.A and one in Taiwan. Life number one in the U.S.A. is taking it’s toll on me. Six months ago, I had planned to sell the house, but NOT right away. That time table has been moved to NOW not later. This is where the previous shout out comes in. I can’t manage this from Taiwan. I NEED the help of others. Sean, Tim and Lyn have been my A Team with Lyn as Captain. All the details are too difficult to explain here. But suffice it to say it’s a complicated process of phone calls and emails involving friends, family, bankers, lawyers, and a real estate agent, Alicia who will get a euber shout out if she can sell my house quickly without me losing a bunch of money. (It’s a really good house. Somebody go buy it! Right NOW! I don’t know if the power of suggestion works here, but it certainly can’t hurt.)
This move has caught us all off guard. Things happen in life. In my clear state of mind I will say simply ‘you play the cards you are dealt’. I might want an Ace of Diamonds, but I was dealt a 3 of Clubs. There is nothing I can do about it. I have to make the 3 of Clubs work until the next hand. I am able to stay clear in my head only with the love and support of others! And unlike a typical card game where you keep your cards hidden, I can show my cards to others and ask them what the best way is to make that crazy 3 of Clubs work when all the other cards are Diamonds. So lately there has been a lot of questions like that start, “What if…” or “Maybe we can…” and “But what about…” Then there is trying to anticipate the play of people at the table. “If I do ____, then maybe they will _____.
Caught unwittingly in the middle of this Tim. When the house is sold, he and I become in Homeless. That is not a good feeling. We have only talked about it in a superficial but usually practical way. BUT, my guess is this is having a profound emotional impact on him. I am sure it is on Sean. He has always been the most sensitive, in a good way, of the three of us. (Boys if you’re reading this, remember how much I love you and how we’ve always managed to get through before. And Tim, remember the Always Lasting promise I made when you were a baby.)
On to life number 2, Life in Taiwan… Life in Taiwan is generally good. I’ve made some good friends. I love the food and people in general. I have a job I like. I have a decent apartment in walking distance of my job. Really life is good here. So what else could I want? Hmmm What else could a SINGLE guy want? I’ll give you three guess’. No, Red Sox season tickets was a good guess, but the commute from Jhongli is too difficult. Try agan. No. A seemingly reasonable guess, but anyone who really knows me, knows it has NEVER been about ‘the booty’ for me. If it were just about sex, I could walk 5 minutes in any direction from my apartment and handle that. Try again, last chance. Yes! A girlfriend, and maybe that could lead to a good wife.
(I am opening up a generally very private part of my life. It’s a little scary. I’ve written a couple of paragraphs and this is getting long. So will finish in the next blog post. Look for something referencing lonely panda’s. I haven’t thought of a good title yet.)
Trying to stay balanced in the off center situation that is my life. (I'm not really Scizophrenic, It is only a metaphor for what is to come as you read.)
Before I start, I have to throw a mad shout out to Lyn, Sean and Tim, henceforth know as Team Douglas. Without them I would have no chance at all at balance.
I am sitting on an outside patio at a tea shop near Starbucks. I think the temperature is about a million degrees. It’s just stupid crazy hot today. But, I’m in the shade and there’s a nice breeze so it ok. There’s a gazillion people in Starbucks so I needed to find someplace else to chill.
I’m trying to decide on writing bullet points or the usual narrative. Hmmm………. Ok Free-write stream of conscious it’s going to be. Hope you can understand my scattered brain-ness.
I have two lives. One life in U.S.A ........*Long Pause* I just got interrupted my a very nice older woman. She just came up and started looking over my shoulder at the computer. My response… Mmmm…. Hello?... One hour later, we just finished our conversation. Dang I forgot to get a picture! As I was saying…..
I have two lives. One life in the U.S.A and one in Taiwan. Life number one in the U.S.A. is taking it’s toll on me. Six months ago, I had planned to sell the house, but NOT right away. That time table has been moved to NOW not later. This is where the previous shout out comes in. I can’t manage this from Taiwan. I NEED the help of others. Sean, Tim and Lyn have been my A Team with Lyn as Captain. All the details are too difficult to explain here. But suffice it to say it’s a complicated process of phone calls and emails involving friends, family, bankers, lawyers, and a real estate agent, Alicia who will get a euber shout out if she can sell my house quickly without me losing a bunch of money. (It’s a really good house. Somebody go buy it! Right NOW! I don’t know if the power of suggestion works here, but it certainly can’t hurt.)
This move has caught us all off guard. Things happen in life. In my clear state of mind I will say simply ‘you play the cards you are dealt’. I might want an Ace of Diamonds, but I was dealt a 3 of Clubs. There is nothing I can do about it. I have to make the 3 of Clubs work until the next hand. I am able to stay clear in my head only with the love and support of others! And unlike a typical card game where you keep your cards hidden, I can show my cards to others and ask them what the best way is to make that crazy 3 of Clubs work when all the other cards are Diamonds. So lately there has been a lot of questions like that start, “What if…” or “Maybe we can…” and “But what about…” Then there is trying to anticipate the play of people at the table. “If I do ____, then maybe they will _____.
Caught unwittingly in the middle of this Tim. When the house is sold, he and I become in Homeless. That is not a good feeling. We have only talked about it in a superficial but usually practical way. BUT, my guess is this is having a profound emotional impact on him. I am sure it is on Sean. He has always been the most sensitive, in a good way, of the three of us. (Boys if you’re reading this, remember how much I love you and how we’ve always managed to get through before. And Tim, remember the Always Lasting promise I made when you were a baby.)
On to life number 2, Life in Taiwan… Life in Taiwan is generally good. I’ve made some good friends. I love the food and people in general. I have a job I like. I have a decent apartment in walking distance of my job. Really life is good here. So what else could I want? Hmmm What else could a SINGLE guy want? I’ll give you three guess’. No, Red Sox season tickets was a good guess, but the commute from Jhongli is too difficult. Try agan. No. A seemingly reasonable guess, but anyone who really knows me, knows it has NEVER been about ‘the booty’ for me. If it were just about sex, I could walk 5 minutes in any direction from my apartment and handle that. Try again, last chance. Yes! A girlfriend, and maybe that could lead to a good wife.
(I am opening up a generally very private part of my life. It’s a little scary. I’ve written a couple of paragraphs and this is getting long. So will finish in the next blog post. Look for something referencing lonely panda’s. I haven’t thought of a good title yet.)
Darryl the Lonely Panda 戴格智寂寞的熊貓
Where in the World is D Today?
Dying of Thirst While Standing in the Middle of a Stream.
If you are one of those people who will say, “just be patient.” I will tell you officially… SHUT UP. I have never remarried and quiet honestly have Not dated a tremendous about sense my divorce. It’s been a bunch of YEARS now. You could say I need to do several things, but, be patient ain’t one of them. I’ve been nothing if not patient.
Here’s part of my dilemma, I’m not getting any younger. Everyone I meet seems to be in their 20’s. When I point out this fact, I have often heard, “But you look so young! Age is not a problem here.” I will not disagree, put I view that optimism with a certain amount of skepticism. I will say for the record, there is absolutely nothing wrong with younger women, (or dating a younger man but this is specifically about me and a dating a man scenario is laugh out loud ridiculous. It’s NOT EVER gonna happen.) There may even be even some up sides. Nonetheless I worry about being perceived as a “Perv”.
The upside is lack of experience. I will define “lack of experience” as younger women in general, probably lack the years of disappointments and heartbreaks that inevitably come in every life. The short and less tactful way to put it is she’s not angry or jaded about men yet for doing her wrong time and time again. So she will see promise and hope in spite of the age difference.
The down side is lack of experience. I’ve already gone through the phases of life every twenty-something or thirty-something person will inevitably face. It’s an advantage for them, but I could see possible frustration on my side of equation. But I don’t know if it is any different other conflicts and differences in any relationship.
I can give any woman, but in this case a younger woman, almost quite literally everything she wants. I have a good secure job. I’m faithful, funny and devoted. I don’t know if I’m the cutest guy, but I definitely know I’m not the ugliest. I’m learning Chinese so in time language as a barrier becomes much less an issue. Here is the one thing that is possibly, and likely, a deal breaker. I can give her everything she wants except babies. I had a operation 20 years ago to become sterile. I thought I would be married to my wife forever and we didn’t want any more kids. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Ooops! I joke about it, but it was a good logical decision at the time. I had not reason to believe things would go the way they did. I am peaceful about the decision. But the fact remains, I’m sterile and there’s no going back. And I really don’t think I want to. Actually, I’m quite sure of it. So what’s a Good Man to do?!
Would I like to date an older woman? Of course! I’m not only looking for young women. Cut me some slack. But I don’t ever meet older single women. They tend to be married which makes perfect sense. So…… as I said to Will once, I fish at the pond I’m standing in. This leaves me with a couple of options.
I stop fishing all together and make my peace with being single, forever…… NOPE, not an option. If I end up single, it won’t be from not trying. I am not built for forever solitude. I’m made for commitment.
I can continue doing what I’m doing and hope for the best. (What I’m doing is keeping my eyes open to all possibilities.)
I can hope a friend sets me up. They all tend to be younger, so I’m back at square one with younger women and I don’t think any of the friends I have would set me up.
And then there’s the, heaven forbid, Internet dating. Not thrilled about that possibility, but desperate times call for desperate measures! Haven’t decided to do it yet, but every night I go to bed alone, I think about it.
The bottom line is I’m lonely and want companionship. Not a friend! Friends can’t comfort you in the middle of the night when you have a bad dream. They don’t hold your hand when watching a movie or walking down the street. Friends don’t give you that special look that says, “I really, really like YOU.”
Is it wrong for me to want more? To expect more? I don’t think so. I have great friends in America and Taiwan. I have two wonderful children. I have a very good life. I am richly blessed. But the fact is, I am traveling through life alone. It doesn’t feel very good.
I’m not going through some type of mid-life crisis, or “searching” for myself. I like who I am. I am a GOOD man with a big heart. I am not looking to be completed or fulfilled by another person. I’ve learned in life, that one person cannot complete or fulfill another. Here’s what we can do: We can love, support, nurture, cry, laugh, dance, learn and giggle with. We help them carry some of the excess baggage life hands us. And you know what, that’s a good thing.
I want that with somebody.
Peace 戴格智
Dying of Thirst While Standing in the Middle of a Stream.
If you are one of those people who will say, “just be patient.” I will tell you officially… SHUT UP. I have never remarried and quiet honestly have Not dated a tremendous about sense my divorce. It’s been a bunch of YEARS now. You could say I need to do several things, but, be patient ain’t one of them. I’ve been nothing if not patient.
Here’s part of my dilemma, I’m not getting any younger. Everyone I meet seems to be in their 20’s. When I point out this fact, I have often heard, “But you look so young! Age is not a problem here.” I will not disagree, put I view that optimism with a certain amount of skepticism. I will say for the record, there is absolutely nothing wrong with younger women, (or dating a younger man but this is specifically about me and a dating a man scenario is laugh out loud ridiculous. It’s NOT EVER gonna happen.) There may even be even some up sides. Nonetheless I worry about being perceived as a “Perv”.
The upside is lack of experience. I will define “lack of experience” as younger women in general, probably lack the years of disappointments and heartbreaks that inevitably come in every life. The short and less tactful way to put it is she’s not angry or jaded about men yet for doing her wrong time and time again. So she will see promise and hope in spite of the age difference.
The down side is lack of experience. I’ve already gone through the phases of life every twenty-something or thirty-something person will inevitably face. It’s an advantage for them, but I could see possible frustration on my side of equation. But I don’t know if it is any different other conflicts and differences in any relationship.
I can give any woman, but in this case a younger woman, almost quite literally everything she wants. I have a good secure job. I’m faithful, funny and devoted. I don’t know if I’m the cutest guy, but I definitely know I’m not the ugliest. I’m learning Chinese so in time language as a barrier becomes much less an issue. Here is the one thing that is possibly, and likely, a deal breaker. I can give her everything she wants except babies. I had a operation 20 years ago to become sterile. I thought I would be married to my wife forever and we didn’t want any more kids. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Ooops! I joke about it, but it was a good logical decision at the time. I had not reason to believe things would go the way they did. I am peaceful about the decision. But the fact remains, I’m sterile and there’s no going back. And I really don’t think I want to. Actually, I’m quite sure of it. So what’s a Good Man to do?!
Would I like to date an older woman? Of course! I’m not only looking for young women. Cut me some slack. But I don’t ever meet older single women. They tend to be married which makes perfect sense. So…… as I said to Will once, I fish at the pond I’m standing in. This leaves me with a couple of options.
I stop fishing all together and make my peace with being single, forever…… NOPE, not an option. If I end up single, it won’t be from not trying. I am not built for forever solitude. I’m made for commitment.
I can continue doing what I’m doing and hope for the best. (What I’m doing is keeping my eyes open to all possibilities.)
I can hope a friend sets me up. They all tend to be younger, so I’m back at square one with younger women and I don’t think any of the friends I have would set me up.
And then there’s the, heaven forbid, Internet dating. Not thrilled about that possibility, but desperate times call for desperate measures! Haven’t decided to do it yet, but every night I go to bed alone, I think about it.
The bottom line is I’m lonely and want companionship. Not a friend! Friends can’t comfort you in the middle of the night when you have a bad dream. They don’t hold your hand when watching a movie or walking down the street. Friends don’t give you that special look that says, “I really, really like YOU.”
Is it wrong for me to want more? To expect more? I don’t think so. I have great friends in America and Taiwan. I have two wonderful children. I have a very good life. I am richly blessed. But the fact is, I am traveling through life alone. It doesn’t feel very good.
I’m not going through some type of mid-life crisis, or “searching” for myself. I like who I am. I am a GOOD man with a big heart. I am not looking to be completed or fulfilled by another person. I’ve learned in life, that one person cannot complete or fulfill another. Here’s what we can do: We can love, support, nurture, cry, laugh, dance, learn and giggle with. We help them carry some of the excess baggage life hands us. And you know what, that’s a good thing.
I want that with somebody.
Peace 戴格智
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Did I Really Just Say That?!
Where in the World is D Today?
Laughing At What He Just Said, OUT LOUD.
There are some things that I’ve said ‘out loud’ in the last 5 months that I can not imagine I would have said before coming to Taiwan. Here’s the list I’ve been keeping:
What the heck is the cleaning lady doing in here? (I said this while standing at a urinal.)
Dude! Argyle socks at the gym?!
I REALLY LIKE Tofu and Soybean milk!
There's more than one type of Tofu?!
Why are the shoes wrapped in plastic?
It has got to take special skill to wear a mini-skirt and pumps when riding a scooter. But women manage it well.
You just line-cut me for Luu Wei!
Wah Cao!
A woman in the men’s room would have seemed odd 5 months ago. (Again, said while standing at a urinal.)
Are you kidding me? A pink helmet! Dude!
I was just trying to say 7, 8!
Umm… do you think you can drive on the other side of the street?
Have you ever heard of Super Dave?
KTV is so cool!
Really! I’m not making this up! For a long time, Bubbles was his best friend in the world.
OK….... I’m guessing the middle finger here means the same as it does in the U.S.
Smoking and texting while driving a scooter seems like a bad idea to me. I'm just sayin'...
Children in Taiwan are fearless. (referring to little kids on scooters)
They do WHAT?! In Thailand!! (referring to a conversation about transgendered males.)
No way that’s a dude! He makes a very pretty girl. (again, about transgendered males in Thailand.)
No Thanks, shooting at each other with BB guns that look and shoot like machine guns isn’t my idea of a good time. (This is from a conversation with another Westerner. Canadians.. go figure.) LOL
Beetle nuts aren’t made out of beetles?! Are They?
No, I DON’T want to choose snake for soup.
I like the way it tastes. Don’t ruin it by telling me what it is.
Note to self: Stop speaking in metaphors and movie quotes.
Chinese R&B... That's a phrase I would have never said a month ago.
Where can I by a mask?
I am the exception to the "foreigner guy" rule.
No, people don’t treat me like an animal. Panda is just a metaphor.
I have GOT to learn Chinese faster!
Don’t be upset at me. I didn’t make up the name. There’s a reason they call it Stinky Tofu!
I am Free Entertainment at the gym. Especially step class!
I don't think asking someone to take their mask off BEFORE going into the is asking too much.
I appreciate the faith you have in me, but I think it’s a bad idea for me to drive.
Laughing At What He Just Said, OUT LOUD.
There are some things that I’ve said ‘out loud’ in the last 5 months that I can not imagine I would have said before coming to Taiwan. Here’s the list I’ve been keeping:
What the heck is the cleaning lady doing in here? (I said this while standing at a urinal.)
Dude! Argyle socks at the gym?!
I REALLY LIKE Tofu and Soybean milk!
There's more than one type of Tofu?!
Why are the shoes wrapped in plastic?
It has got to take special skill to wear a mini-skirt and pumps when riding a scooter. But women manage it well.
You just line-cut me for Luu Wei!
Wah Cao!
A woman in the men’s room would have seemed odd 5 months ago. (Again, said while standing at a urinal.)
Are you kidding me? A pink helmet! Dude!
I was just trying to say 7, 8!
Umm… do you think you can drive on the other side of the street?
Have you ever heard of Super Dave?
KTV is so cool!
Really! I’m not making this up! For a long time, Bubbles was his best friend in the world.
OK….... I’m guessing the middle finger here means the same as it does in the U.S.
Smoking and texting while driving a scooter seems like a bad idea to me. I'm just sayin'...
Children in Taiwan are fearless. (referring to little kids on scooters)
They do WHAT?! In Thailand!! (referring to a conversation about transgendered males.)
No way that’s a dude! He makes a very pretty girl. (again, about transgendered males in Thailand.)
No Thanks, shooting at each other with BB guns that look and shoot like machine guns isn’t my idea of a good time. (This is from a conversation with another Westerner. Canadians.. go figure.) LOL
Beetle nuts aren’t made out of beetles?! Are They?
No, I DON’T want to choose snake for soup.
I like the way it tastes. Don’t ruin it by telling me what it is.
Note to self: Stop speaking in metaphors and movie quotes.
Chinese R&B... That's a phrase I would have never said a month ago.
Where can I by a mask?
I am the exception to the "foreigner guy" rule.
No, people don’t treat me like an animal. Panda is just a metaphor.
I have GOT to learn Chinese faster!
Don’t be upset at me. I didn’t make up the name. There’s a reason they call it Stinky Tofu!
I am Free Entertainment at the gym. Especially step class!
I don't think asking someone to take their mask off BEFORE going into the is asking too much.
I appreciate the faith you have in me, but I think it’s a bad idea for me to drive.
America the Beautiful
Where in the World is D Today?
Thinking About the Good ‘Ol U.S.A.
A few days ago a colleague, Susan, asked me at lunch, “So Darryl, why did you decide to never return to the U.S.?”….. I just about choked on my noodles….. “Who told you that nonsense?!” “You did.” was her response. (insert noodle choking noise here.) I then tried as calmly as I possible could that she must have mistaken something I said previously. This led to her being very emphatic that I had indeed said it which led to a rant from her about how horrible America is for exporting jobs, the education system, blah, blah,. I was having a hard time listening, I was trying to dislodge 逐出the noodles from my esophagus 食管.
The history of America is not a simple one, especially when it comes to its People of Color, and specifically for me, a person of African descent. I’ve just used some very eloquent 雄辯, but it boils down to this for me. I’m Black. I always refer to myself as Black. I grew up when we said “Black is Beautiful.” Africa is a beautiful and wondrous 魔幻continent, but I have no deep connection to Africa, so to call myself African American just seems…. Out of place. My life, family, history, culture, and Identity are all uniquely and wonderfully wrapped in the United States of America. When I was in the U.S., I never assume, as many do, that foreigners want to become U.S. citizens. Many do, but just as many if not more are forever tied THEIR country as much as I am to mine.
Independence Day, The Fourth of July, is the greatest holiday to me. It’s not global. We don’t share it with anyone. It’s OURS! The Declaration of Independence is a simply beautiful peace of writing. If you haven’t read it, you must. In the meantime, I will sum it up for you; “Hey King George, BITE ME!” (That’s a paraphrase of course.) The men who wrote it and the Constitution were less than perfect men by all measures. But I will give them the benefit of the doubt in drafting documents based on the world as they knew it in 1776, knowing that others would come along after them.
In this ongoing series of firsts for me while living in Taiwan, this one strikes a special chord with me having volunteered for President Obama’s Presidential Campaign. What would the White men, some of who were slave owners, who drafted the Declaration of Independence, think of this day, this year?! Surely, they could not have imagined it in 1776.
I love Taiwan and its people. Some days I feel completely lost and some days I am completely comfortable. It’s only been 5 ½ months! I can possibly see me living here a long time, especially if I am lucky enough to find a mate. But, NEVER go back to the U.S. as Susan suggested. HAH! Preposterous! 荒謬!Give up my U.S. passport?! NOPE, Ain’t Gonna happen!!! (I got the noodles out by the way.)
*Please, Please, Please copy and paste this video link. I tried and tried to embed it and I couldn't get it to work.* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghz4_kikLkE
I ALWAYS get goose bumps and a little teary eyed when I hear Ray Charles sing America the Beautiful. I hope it touches you to and you get a sense of my homesickness on Saturday, the Fourth of July, Independence Day. Say it with me people, AWESOME!
Thinking About the Good ‘Ol U.S.A.
A few days ago a colleague, Susan, asked me at lunch, “So Darryl, why did you decide to never return to the U.S.?”….. I just about choked on my noodles….. “Who told you that nonsense?!” “You did.” was her response. (insert noodle choking noise here.) I then tried as calmly as I possible could that she must have mistaken something I said previously. This led to her being very emphatic that I had indeed said it which led to a rant from her about how horrible America is for exporting jobs, the education system, blah, blah,. I was having a hard time listening, I was trying to dislodge 逐出the noodles from my esophagus 食管.
The history of America is not a simple one, especially when it comes to its People of Color, and specifically for me, a person of African descent. I’ve just used some very eloquent 雄辯, but it boils down to this for me. I’m Black. I always refer to myself as Black. I grew up when we said “Black is Beautiful.” Africa is a beautiful and wondrous 魔幻continent, but I have no deep connection to Africa, so to call myself African American just seems…. Out of place. My life, family, history, culture, and Identity are all uniquely and wonderfully wrapped in the United States of America. When I was in the U.S., I never assume, as many do, that foreigners want to become U.S. citizens. Many do, but just as many if not more are forever tied THEIR country as much as I am to mine.
Independence Day, The Fourth of July, is the greatest holiday to me. It’s not global. We don’t share it with anyone. It’s OURS! The Declaration of Independence is a simply beautiful peace of writing. If you haven’t read it, you must. In the meantime, I will sum it up for you; “Hey King George, BITE ME!” (That’s a paraphrase of course.) The men who wrote it and the Constitution were less than perfect men by all measures. But I will give them the benefit of the doubt in drafting documents based on the world as they knew it in 1776, knowing that others would come along after them.
In this ongoing series of firsts for me while living in Taiwan, this one strikes a special chord with me having volunteered for President Obama’s Presidential Campaign. What would the White men, some of who were slave owners, who drafted the Declaration of Independence, think of this day, this year?! Surely, they could not have imagined it in 1776.
I love Taiwan and its people. Some days I feel completely lost and some days I am completely comfortable. It’s only been 5 ½ months! I can possibly see me living here a long time, especially if I am lucky enough to find a mate. But, NEVER go back to the U.S. as Susan suggested. HAH! Preposterous! 荒謬!Give up my U.S. passport?! NOPE, Ain’t Gonna happen!!! (I got the noodles out by the way.)
*Please, Please, Please copy and paste this video link. I tried and tried to embed it and I couldn't get it to work.* http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghz4_kikLkE
I ALWAYS get goose bumps and a little teary eyed when I hear Ray Charles sing America the Beautiful. I hope it touches you to and you get a sense of my homesickness on Saturday, the Fourth of July, Independence Day. Say it with me people, AWESOME!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
A New First! I Am SOOO Not In The U.S. Any More!
Where in the World is D Today?
Trying to figure out if he should "Duck and Cover"!
Duck and Cover is a term I grew up with in the 1960's and
70's. It can be applied in a Tornado but I first learned it in Elementary school when we, the United States, thought we might get attacked by RUSSIA! (Just for the recorded, based my basic knowledge of nuclear warheads, Duck and Cover is a less that effective strategy for survival.)
Yesterday was an unusal day. First of all, I was home in the middle of the day on a weekday. Then I hear sirens sounding. The conversation I had with myself went a little like this;
"Sirens?!, Hmmmm, I didn't think Taiwan had Tornado's? I'm on the 14th floor. CRAP!! It was sunny just a few minutes ago."
Looking out the balcony, "There's not a cloud in site. Clearly not a Tornado. It is probably just a test of the system. This IS TYPHOON season. They test the systems every month of Tornado season in Missouri. That must be it. The sirens have stopped."
Completely oblivious to what's going on I leave my apartment headed for the bank. "Why are all these cars parked in the alley? It must be a busy day at the liscense bureau. It is the last day of the month." (I live next to that office and seeing people park badly in Taiwan is... NORMAL.)
I walk past all the cars and turn the corner, "cool I got a green light and the traffic is clear! I can make across the street safely!"
Then I notice this across the street policeman blowing his whistle and waving his baton. "Hmm what's up with that?" Then about 2 seconds later another policeman runs up behind me franticly blowing his whistle, waving his baton and very angrily pointing toward the building. "Crap! What did I do?!" I go in and there's a maybe 10 people sitting around. The cop goes back to watching outside. It is then I look outside and notice the streets are completely silent. There is no movement. Jhongli has become a ghost town. "What in the world is going on? Should I be worried? No one else seems overly concerned, but this is NOT normal." My inner thoughts were pretty chaotic.
After about 15 minutes, A car comes around the corner followed by another and the sirens sound again. Lots of whistle blowing from the police and the streets of Jhongli come back to life. I wait for a moment waiting for the OK from the policeman. The look he gave me was something along the lines of, "Idiot Foreigner". And then Mr. Lu, a fine gentleman in my apartment building, appears. He explains, "It was an attack drill. It's not like this is the U.S. is it? The sirens mean stay inside the country is under attack. The safest place is inside from bombs and planes." Taiwan is an island and has to worry about being attacked, especially with it's proximity to N. Korea and though he did not say it specifically, mainland China was implied.
I was aware that as an island, Taiwan is vulnerable to attack, but I chose to basically ignore it. Taiwanese people don't seem overly concerned with potential threats from N. Korea or China. But, ya know, a little heads up to the drill would have been handy. (They probably were there but in Chinese.) I count it as another on of those experiential lessons we all learn as we go through life. Afterward I felt pretty silly that I had all of these signs that said Hey Pay Attention To This! and I walked right past each and everyone. There was a ration reason for doing so in each case.
Sometimes we can have all the Right information and still draw the Wrong conclusion. Life is funny that way sometimes.
Peace
Trying to figure out if he should "Duck and Cover"!
Duck and Cover is a term I grew up with in the 1960's and
70's. It can be applied in a Tornado but I first learned it in Elementary school when we, the United States, thought we might get attacked by RUSSIA! (Just for the recorded, based my basic knowledge of nuclear warheads, Duck and Cover is a less that effective strategy for survival.)
Yesterday was an unusal day. First of all, I was home in the middle of the day on a weekday. Then I hear sirens sounding. The conversation I had with myself went a little like this;
"Sirens?!, Hmmmm, I didn't think Taiwan had Tornado's? I'm on the 14th floor. CRAP!! It was sunny just a few minutes ago."
Looking out the balcony, "There's not a cloud in site. Clearly not a Tornado. It is probably just a test of the system. This IS TYPHOON season. They test the systems every month of Tornado season in Missouri. That must be it. The sirens have stopped."
Completely oblivious to what's going on I leave my apartment headed for the bank. "Why are all these cars parked in the alley? It must be a busy day at the liscense bureau. It is the last day of the month." (I live next to that office and seeing people park badly in Taiwan is... NORMAL.)
I walk past all the cars and turn the corner, "cool I got a green light and the traffic is clear! I can make across the street safely!"
Then I notice this across the street policeman blowing his whistle and waving his baton. "Hmm what's up with that?" Then about 2 seconds later another policeman runs up behind me franticly blowing his whistle, waving his baton and very angrily pointing toward the building. "Crap! What did I do?!" I go in and there's a maybe 10 people sitting around. The cop goes back to watching outside. It is then I look outside and notice the streets are completely silent. There is no movement. Jhongli has become a ghost town. "What in the world is going on? Should I be worried? No one else seems overly concerned, but this is NOT normal." My inner thoughts were pretty chaotic.
After about 15 minutes, A car comes around the corner followed by another and the sirens sound again. Lots of whistle blowing from the police and the streets of Jhongli come back to life. I wait for a moment waiting for the OK from the policeman. The look he gave me was something along the lines of, "Idiot Foreigner". And then Mr. Lu, a fine gentleman in my apartment building, appears. He explains, "It was an attack drill. It's not like this is the U.S. is it? The sirens mean stay inside the country is under attack. The safest place is inside from bombs and planes." Taiwan is an island and has to worry about being attacked, especially with it's proximity to N. Korea and though he did not say it specifically, mainland China was implied.
I was aware that as an island, Taiwan is vulnerable to attack, but I chose to basically ignore it. Taiwanese people don't seem overly concerned with potential threats from N. Korea or China. But, ya know, a little heads up to the drill would have been handy. (They probably were there but in Chinese.) I count it as another on of those experiential lessons we all learn as we go through life. Afterward I felt pretty silly that I had all of these signs that said Hey Pay Attention To This! and I walked right past each and everyone. There was a ration reason for doing so in each case.
Sometimes we can have all the Right information and still draw the Wrong conclusion. Life is funny that way sometimes.
Peace
The Real Deal
Where in the World is D Today?
Recognizing the Real Deal when he see's it.
The Real Deal is a strange way to describe many things. In this case it simply means I can see genuine compassion and friendly heart.
Remember my friend and mentor at work Will? He's the Real Deal. Last night something happened at the gym that made me smile inside and say to myself, "Here's a special guy." Will is a pretty soft-spoken guy. He didn't have to help me at work but he did. He didn't have to help me at the gym last night, but he did. He invited me to workout with him and another gentleman. (After he mocked me a little bit for not doing enough waits and opting for cardio.) Anyway.....Before we got to that point, I saw him speaking, to guy we worked out with, with sign language! As a not so casual observer, Will has got this easy way people that makes him naturally.... LIKEABLE.
I don't throw props out everyday on my blog. This is jonly the third time I've ever done. But I have to Throw a Shout Out to my boy Will. He's the REAL DEAL.
Recognizing the Real Deal when he see's it.
The Real Deal is a strange way to describe many things. In this case it simply means I can see genuine compassion and friendly heart.
Remember my friend and mentor at work Will? He's the Real Deal. Last night something happened at the gym that made me smile inside and say to myself, "Here's a special guy." Will is a pretty soft-spoken guy. He didn't have to help me at work but he did. He didn't have to help me at the gym last night, but he did. He invited me to workout with him and another gentleman. (After he mocked me a little bit for not doing enough waits and opting for cardio.) Anyway.....Before we got to that point, I saw him speaking, to guy we worked out with, with sign language! As a not so casual observer, Will has got this easy way people that makes him naturally.... LIKEABLE.
I don't throw props out everyday on my blog. This is jonly the third time I've ever done. But I have to Throw a Shout Out to my boy Will. He's the REAL DEAL.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
My Thoughts Walking To School Today
Where in the World is D Today?
Somewhere on Yanping Road.
I haven't slept well the last two nights. Too many things on my mind. On my daily walk the list began to scroll through my head of all the things I missed. It began as I adjusted the mask on face to protect my lungs from the exhaust fumes of traffic. Some of the things were specific to Columbia, some were just things I noticed I hadn't done or had in a while. Here's the list of things I missed in the 10 minute walk from my apartment to Chung Li Elementary.
I Miss...
Clean Air
The quite of my neighborhood in Columbia
Planting flowers in front of my house
Mowing my lawn
Chocolate shakes from Sonic's Drive-in
The Twilight Festival or walking around downtown Columbia in general
Washing and Waxing my car
Taking a drive on a sunny day with the top down on a curvy road. (My car is a convertible. I have not seen many in Taiwan.)
Independence - I am fiercely independent while simultaneously knowing we NEED
other people in our lives. I am tremendously Thankful for the helpers in my life like Yi-Wen, Claire, and Ray. I am blessed by all my helpers, but I often feel like a child. I must have someone speak for me at the doctors office and renting an apartment. Some things are very personal and as a grown man would rather not have a third person involved. These conversation often makes me feel invisible, because while I am the point of the conversation, no one ever actually talks to ME. But it is a necessary evil and is an important lesson in humility for me. I have no choice. It will be a very long time before my Chinese is good enough to go the the doctor alone. Given the choice of going and increasing the possibility of getting something wrong or having a helper, no matter the embarrassment, I choose the helper.
HUGS - I really miss hugs. I have not had the full embrace of another human being in almost 6 months. Times when I need a hug and KNOW that I CAN't get one is when I really feel the difference in culture.
PBS - This is Public Broadcasting Station with news and arts and documentaries.
Tennis
Dancing - I miss dancing almost as much as hugs. It is such a wonderful expression and a chance to connect with another person.
I need, I crave, human touch. Not in any bad or unhealthy way. It is my basic belief that there is something in all of us that needs it. We do it instintively with children and babies to comfort them and then it fades as we get older. But where I come from, Black people hug! The full embrace I get at a family gather or at church...there's nothing else like it. I really miss that.
Peace
Somewhere on Yanping Road.
I haven't slept well the last two nights. Too many things on my mind. On my daily walk the list began to scroll through my head of all the things I missed. It began as I adjusted the mask on face to protect my lungs from the exhaust fumes of traffic. Some of the things were specific to Columbia, some were just things I noticed I hadn't done or had in a while. Here's the list of things I missed in the 10 minute walk from my apartment to Chung Li Elementary.
I Miss...
Clean Air
The quite of my neighborhood in Columbia
Planting flowers in front of my house
Mowing my lawn
Chocolate shakes from Sonic's Drive-in
The Twilight Festival or walking around downtown Columbia in general
Washing and Waxing my car
Taking a drive on a sunny day with the top down on a curvy road. (My car is a convertible. I have not seen many in Taiwan.)
Independence - I am fiercely independent while simultaneously knowing we NEED
other people in our lives. I am tremendously Thankful for the helpers in my life like Yi-Wen, Claire, and Ray. I am blessed by all my helpers, but I often feel like a child. I must have someone speak for me at the doctors office and renting an apartment. Some things are very personal and as a grown man would rather not have a third person involved. These conversation often makes me feel invisible, because while I am the point of the conversation, no one ever actually talks to ME. But it is a necessary evil and is an important lesson in humility for me. I have no choice. It will be a very long time before my Chinese is good enough to go the the doctor alone. Given the choice of going and increasing the possibility of getting something wrong or having a helper, no matter the embarrassment, I choose the helper.
HUGS - I really miss hugs. I have not had the full embrace of another human being in almost 6 months. Times when I need a hug and KNOW that I CAN't get one is when I really feel the difference in culture.
PBS - This is Public Broadcasting Station with news and arts and documentaries.
Tennis
Dancing - I miss dancing almost as much as hugs. It is such a wonderful expression and a chance to connect with another person.
I need, I crave, human touch. Not in any bad or unhealthy way. It is my basic belief that there is something in all of us that needs it. We do it instintively with children and babies to comfort them and then it fades as we get older. But where I come from, Black people hug! The full embrace I get at a family gather or at church...there's nothing else like it. I really miss that.
Peace
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Can Somebody Please Tell Me the Rules! or My Life as Panda (part 2)
Where in the World is D Today?
Somewhere Trying To Decide If It's Safe to Come Out.
One of the fundamental problems with keeping a document with your thoughts and perspectives open to the world is you never know how others will interpret your words. I check the site meter periodically and have seen that people have come to my site from some of the most unlikely places. What do they think of my thoughts? So people just write and don't worry about it. I'm not one of those people, because I truly understand the power of words. I love words and playing with them. I've worked hard in my life to be able to use, manage and manipulate words to express all of these odd feelings and perspectives I have. I consider myself a mediocre writer at best. But I do have my own off center view of the world and this blog is my expression of it. Not to mention, writing is good therapy for me. That in itself is another blog entry for another day. But, back to the point I was making, I Care what people think about my words and about me as an extension of those words.
There is a saying in the U.S. "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." We teach this to kids when they are getting teased. We want them to be brave and confident. The problem is, that saying is a complete lie. Stick and stone can break my bones, but words... Words break the heart. Bones heal infinitely easier than hearts. A broken heart can last a lifetime. So, I am completely aware that every word I put on this blog has heartbreak potential, including my own. Although there may be pain inflicted that is unintentional, the result is the same and I can not be casual about it.
Now, that I have laid out that rather lengthy preamble let me get to the point of this blog entry.
On average I would say I think once a week I think to myself, this just isn't worth it, just give up and go home. They, the island of Taiwan, do not want you. They want the cuteness of the Panda, but not the responsibility of house training it. It is of course a wild animal no matter how cute it may appear. One day the Panda is out in the jungle doing whatever it is Pandas do, mostly eating without bothering anybody. The next day it finds itself in complete unfamiliar surroundings. Now Pandas, while cute and cuddly, do indeed want to comply with the norms of its new surroundings. The problem is, the handlers on each shift have different norms and expectations for the Panda. And sometimes the handlers on the same shift can not agree on what is best for the Panda. In the meantime, the poor Panda is trying to keep everybody happy and then makes a mistake and the whole world crashes in on the Panda. The Panda is shocked and surprised at the reactions of the handlers. He really has no idea what's going on.
You mean, I'm NOT supposed to eat ALL of the bamboo stalk.
No, just the top half.
But the handler on the other shift said it was ok.
Yeah, well on this shift we don't eat the bottom part, only the top. Got it! So the poor Panda puts all of the bamboo down, goes into a corner and wishes he had spaghetti.
In the U.S. I knew most of the rules. I didn't like many of them, but in general, I knew what they were. And no matter how I wanted to operate, I could always anticipate the next step. Not so with ANY of my life in Taiwan. At work there are three different countries represented by the foreign teachers. There's geriatric group with their set of cultural norms, the British guy and his very British ways, the young guy on his first teaching assignment trying to prove himself, me the middle aged black guy who seems at times like he's 13 and other times like he's 103, add in one 6'3" Taiwanese guy who is a heck of a basketball player, loves R&B and in many ways is Blacker than I am. Throw in a Taiwanese ladies as our coordinator and you have our office. Next I have my Starbucks friends, then the shop girls (I haven't mentioned them on the blog yet, but they are regular part of my life) add in people from the gym and now my friends from church.
Everyone experiences Taiwan in their own way based on their life experience. Each joyfully shares their expertise, because THEY are Taiwanese, with me in their own way to help me adapt to my new home. Some are Christian some are not. Some are older, some are younger. Some are students, some are adults with jobs. Some are conservative, some are not. Many not all, generally accept me pretty much as I am and give me the benefit of the doubt. They share honestly and openly their language and culture. I am a very good listener. I am a pretty good problem solver. And as far as I can tell, there is very little consistency from subgroup to subgroup. I'm sure there are some common threads woven into the beautiful mosaic that is Taiwan.
But can someone please just tell me what it is!
I need to know the rules. The do's and don'ts. I am a Great rule follower. I need rules. Rules make things easy to do and understand. Yes, do stick your finger in the cake batter and taste it. No do not stick your finger in a plug socket. Easy! Don't steal, don't kill, got it. You can drink the water but only after you have boiled it and let it cool. But then it's still a good idea to maybe boil it again. Or you can just buy bottled water. It's not water that's the problem, it's the plumbing.
So for those of you who suggest I think too much, which is about everybody I know in Taiwan and the U.S. Try negotiating a world were you don't know the rules and know body is telling them to you. As you're learning the language you can say the right syllables, but you used the wrong tones which completely changed the word. So you in stead of saying 7, 8 you said a really naughty word when you were trying to practice your numbers, because learning the language is REALLY important and when people talk no to people says the words the same. I can understand lazy pronunciation in English. No biggie. But how can I tell the difference between proper and improper pronunciation in Chinese. Or maybe it's all correct, but really fast, or has an accent. You don't know it's an accent what this guy said sounded completely different from what that guy said and the ordered exactly the same thing. (Yes, I pay attention to these things. It is how I make sense of words I'm hearing.) But I keep listening hoping and praying for the day the static clears and I'll be able to understand.
It's not easy being a Panda. Unlike the Panda's at the zoo, I can choose when and if I want to go back to my natural habitat. I don't want to go back. I love Taiwan. But like I said before on average I think about going home about once a week because Taiwan doesn't want me. But, My job is here. I'm trying to make a Life here; not just live from day to day. But right now, I'm just a Panda trying to figure out if it's safe to eat the dang bamboo.
OK, it's Tuesday, so should I eat the top or bottom. Maybe I'll just not eat today. It's safer.
Somewhere Trying To Decide If It's Safe to Come Out.
One of the fundamental problems with keeping a document with your thoughts and perspectives open to the world is you never know how others will interpret your words. I check the site meter periodically and have seen that people have come to my site from some of the most unlikely places. What do they think of my thoughts? So people just write and don't worry about it. I'm not one of those people, because I truly understand the power of words. I love words and playing with them. I've worked hard in my life to be able to use, manage and manipulate words to express all of these odd feelings and perspectives I have. I consider myself a mediocre writer at best. But I do have my own off center view of the world and this blog is my expression of it. Not to mention, writing is good therapy for me. That in itself is another blog entry for another day. But, back to the point I was making, I Care what people think about my words and about me as an extension of those words.
There is a saying in the U.S. "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me." We teach this to kids when they are getting teased. We want them to be brave and confident. The problem is, that saying is a complete lie. Stick and stone can break my bones, but words... Words break the heart. Bones heal infinitely easier than hearts. A broken heart can last a lifetime. So, I am completely aware that every word I put on this blog has heartbreak potential, including my own. Although there may be pain inflicted that is unintentional, the result is the same and I can not be casual about it.
Now, that I have laid out that rather lengthy preamble let me get to the point of this blog entry.
On average I would say I think once a week I think to myself, this just isn't worth it, just give up and go home. They, the island of Taiwan, do not want you. They want the cuteness of the Panda, but not the responsibility of house training it. It is of course a wild animal no matter how cute it may appear. One day the Panda is out in the jungle doing whatever it is Pandas do, mostly eating without bothering anybody. The next day it finds itself in complete unfamiliar surroundings. Now Pandas, while cute and cuddly, do indeed want to comply with the norms of its new surroundings. The problem is, the handlers on each shift have different norms and expectations for the Panda. And sometimes the handlers on the same shift can not agree on what is best for the Panda. In the meantime, the poor Panda is trying to keep everybody happy and then makes a mistake and the whole world crashes in on the Panda. The Panda is shocked and surprised at the reactions of the handlers. He really has no idea what's going on.
You mean, I'm NOT supposed to eat ALL of the bamboo stalk.
No, just the top half.
But the handler on the other shift said it was ok.
Yeah, well on this shift we don't eat the bottom part, only the top. Got it! So the poor Panda puts all of the bamboo down, goes into a corner and wishes he had spaghetti.
In the U.S. I knew most of the rules. I didn't like many of them, but in general, I knew what they were. And no matter how I wanted to operate, I could always anticipate the next step. Not so with ANY of my life in Taiwan. At work there are three different countries represented by the foreign teachers. There's geriatric group with their set of cultural norms, the British guy and his very British ways, the young guy on his first teaching assignment trying to prove himself, me the middle aged black guy who seems at times like he's 13 and other times like he's 103, add in one 6'3" Taiwanese guy who is a heck of a basketball player, loves R&B and in many ways is Blacker than I am. Throw in a Taiwanese ladies as our coordinator and you have our office. Next I have my Starbucks friends, then the shop girls (I haven't mentioned them on the blog yet, but they are regular part of my life) add in people from the gym and now my friends from church.
Everyone experiences Taiwan in their own way based on their life experience. Each joyfully shares their expertise, because THEY are Taiwanese, with me in their own way to help me adapt to my new home. Some are Christian some are not. Some are older, some are younger. Some are students, some are adults with jobs. Some are conservative, some are not. Many not all, generally accept me pretty much as I am and give me the benefit of the doubt. They share honestly and openly their language and culture. I am a very good listener. I am a pretty good problem solver. And as far as I can tell, there is very little consistency from subgroup to subgroup. I'm sure there are some common threads woven into the beautiful mosaic that is Taiwan.
But can someone please just tell me what it is!
I need to know the rules. The do's and don'ts. I am a Great rule follower. I need rules. Rules make things easy to do and understand. Yes, do stick your finger in the cake batter and taste it. No do not stick your finger in a plug socket. Easy! Don't steal, don't kill, got it. You can drink the water but only after you have boiled it and let it cool. But then it's still a good idea to maybe boil it again. Or you can just buy bottled water. It's not water that's the problem, it's the plumbing.
So for those of you who suggest I think too much, which is about everybody I know in Taiwan and the U.S. Try negotiating a world were you don't know the rules and know body is telling them to you. As you're learning the language you can say the right syllables, but you used the wrong tones which completely changed the word. So you in stead of saying 7, 8 you said a really naughty word when you were trying to practice your numbers, because learning the language is REALLY important and when people talk no to people says the words the same. I can understand lazy pronunciation in English. No biggie. But how can I tell the difference between proper and improper pronunciation in Chinese. Or maybe it's all correct, but really fast, or has an accent. You don't know it's an accent what this guy said sounded completely different from what that guy said and the ordered exactly the same thing. (Yes, I pay attention to these things. It is how I make sense of words I'm hearing.) But I keep listening hoping and praying for the day the static clears and I'll be able to understand.
It's not easy being a Panda. Unlike the Panda's at the zoo, I can choose when and if I want to go back to my natural habitat. I don't want to go back. I love Taiwan. But like I said before on average I think about going home about once a week because Taiwan doesn't want me. But, My job is here. I'm trying to make a Life here; not just live from day to day. But right now, I'm just a Panda trying to figure out if it's safe to eat the dang bamboo.
OK, it's Tuesday, so should I eat the top or bottom. Maybe I'll just not eat today. It's safer.
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Teacher Extraordinaire! 教师非凡
Where in the World is D Today?
Trying to find a humble way to say I'm the GREATEST TEACHER EVER! :)
The Greatest Teacher Ever?! OK, that may be a little bit of a stretch, but that's how I felt when the flowers were explained to me. "Flowers?!", you say. Let me back up for those who haven't read the blog the last few days......
This past Wednesday was the 6th Grade Graduation. I am a natural High School teacher. Now, that I am teacher Elementary School, it takes learning a different thought process. (Since I'm not much more mature than 11 year old kids it wasn't too great of a leap. HA!)
I've only been teaching here for 5 months. So I never really expected to make the connections I did. Nor did I expect the kids to connect with me the way some did. I hoped for it, but honestly didn't expect it. Well,.... with some of the kids I got exactly what I wanted... to care for them and for them to care for me back.
At the end of the ceremony a couple of boys brought me some flowers. Thinking like a westerner, I figured the boys parents gave them some flowers to celebrate the graduation and then gave them to me because the are 11 year old boys and don't want to be caring flowers around they got from their mom. I asked teacher about it on Thursday when she explained to me I had it all wrong. They asked the parents to buy flowers specifically for them to give to ME! Say it with me people.. "AWESOME" A 6th grade boy would NEVER give his male teacher flowers in the U.S. I am still smiling!
So am I THE greatest teacher EVER? That is certainly up for debate. But I definitely feels like it.
On a deeper more reflective note. I wish I could share all of this with my Grand Mothers. I often think of them at moments like this. They both were SO VERY PROUD of me when I graduated, because I was a TEACHER! For those of you who appreciate history, at the time when my grandmothers were born, the early 1900's, and grew up in a very racist and segregated America, the most respected Black man was either the Pastor or the Teacher. So you see, for their grandson to become a teacher was a big deal to them, and rightfully so. I can remember one time I went to visit my Grandmother Johnson and she called her friends in the neighborhood, "My Grandson the Teacher is here to visit me!". A few minutes later her house had 4-5 of these little old ladies from my grandma's generation show up. She was so proud and so were those little old ladies. The had the same story growing up as Grandma Johnson. At times like these, I miss my Grandmothers. They were special ladies. I know that they would be especially proud of me now.
Trying to find a humble way to say I'm the GREATEST TEACHER EVER! :)
The Greatest Teacher Ever?! OK, that may be a little bit of a stretch, but that's how I felt when the flowers were explained to me. "Flowers?!", you say. Let me back up for those who haven't read the blog the last few days......
This past Wednesday was the 6th Grade Graduation. I am a natural High School teacher. Now, that I am teacher Elementary School, it takes learning a different thought process. (Since I'm not much more mature than 11 year old kids it wasn't too great of a leap. HA!)
I've only been teaching here for 5 months. So I never really expected to make the connections I did. Nor did I expect the kids to connect with me the way some did. I hoped for it, but honestly didn't expect it. Well,.... with some of the kids I got exactly what I wanted... to care for them and for them to care for me back.
At the end of the ceremony a couple of boys brought me some flowers. Thinking like a westerner, I figured the boys parents gave them some flowers to celebrate the graduation and then gave them to me because the are 11 year old boys and don't want to be caring flowers around they got from their mom. I asked teacher about it on Thursday when she explained to me I had it all wrong. They asked the parents to buy flowers specifically for them to give to ME! Say it with me people.. "AWESOME" A 6th grade boy would NEVER give his male teacher flowers in the U.S. I am still smiling!
So am I THE greatest teacher EVER? That is certainly up for debate. But I definitely feels like it.
On a deeper more reflective note. I wish I could share all of this with my Grand Mothers. I often think of them at moments like this. They both were SO VERY PROUD of me when I graduated, because I was a TEACHER! For those of you who appreciate history, at the time when my grandmothers were born, the early 1900's, and grew up in a very racist and segregated America, the most respected Black man was either the Pastor or the Teacher. So you see, for their grandson to become a teacher was a big deal to them, and rightfully so. I can remember one time I went to visit my Grandmother Johnson and she called her friends in the neighborhood, "My Grandson the Teacher is here to visit me!". A few minutes later her house had 4-5 of these little old ladies from my grandma's generation show up. She was so proud and so were those little old ladies. The had the same story growing up as Grandma Johnson. At times like these, I miss my Grandmothers. They were special ladies. I know that they would be especially proud of me now.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Do Good Because It's Good. More Adventures in Teaching.
Where in the World is D Today?
Wondering will happen to his 6th grade students.
There are few things I desire more in life than to do good. Maybe it's because I have a huge ego, though I don't think it's that. Maybe it's because finding purpose in life. I don't think it's that either. Maybe it's because I feel like an NBA player next to some of these kids. Nope! That ain't it either. It's pretty simple. I want to do good because my daddy taught me to. I love that man! And ultimately, I think every person that goes into teaching does it because they want to do good in the world. Even if they were raised by my Pop.
Is there something personally very cool and affirming when a kid finally understands whatever it was you were trying to teach them. There's this small celebration everytime that happens. But it's a terrible feeling when they don't understand what in the world you're talking about. Every teacher who reads this has experienced the extremes of joy and agony we get from our kids.
Today was the 6th grade graduation at Chungli Elementary School. Even though it's only be 5 months, I can say quite easily, "These are MY babies!" That is the connection I have with them personally, when in fact, they are the babies of their everyday classroom teacher. That is the person who has made the deepest and most important impact in their lives. I'm just the cool foreigner guy who comes in once a week. But I still think I made a positive and significant impact in their young lives.
I wonder what will happen to my babies. Their path is still set for the next 6 years. Will I ever see them again, not likely. How many future teachers are in this group? Many I hope because they have Good Hearts. And the profession needs lots of good hearts.
I love being a teacher. I love my students. And I think they like me a little bit too. A couple of the boys gave me flowers, a mark of deep appreciation. So did I do Good in their world? Yeah, I think so, maybe just a little.
Enjoy the pics from the day.
Wondering will happen to his 6th grade students.
There are few things I desire more in life than to do good. Maybe it's because I have a huge ego, though I don't think it's that. Maybe it's because finding purpose in life. I don't think it's that either. Maybe it's because I feel like an NBA player next to some of these kids. Nope! That ain't it either. It's pretty simple. I want to do good because my daddy taught me to. I love that man! And ultimately, I think every person that goes into teaching does it because they want to do good in the world. Even if they were raised by my Pop.
Is there something personally very cool and affirming when a kid finally understands whatever it was you were trying to teach them. There's this small celebration everytime that happens. But it's a terrible feeling when they don't understand what in the world you're talking about. Every teacher who reads this has experienced the extremes of joy and agony we get from our kids.
Today was the 6th grade graduation at Chungli Elementary School. Even though it's only be 5 months, I can say quite easily, "These are MY babies!" That is the connection I have with them personally, when in fact, they are the babies of their everyday classroom teacher. That is the person who has made the deepest and most important impact in their lives. I'm just the cool foreigner guy who comes in once a week. But I still think I made a positive and significant impact in their young lives.
I wonder what will happen to my babies. Their path is still set for the next 6 years. Will I ever see them again, not likely. How many future teachers are in this group? Many I hope because they have Good Hearts. And the profession needs lots of good hearts.
I love being a teacher. I love my students. And I think they like me a little bit too. A couple of the boys gave me flowers, a mark of deep appreciation. So did I do Good in their world? Yeah, I think so, maybe just a little.
Enjoy the pics from the day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)