Posts
Where in the World is D Today?
Honestly?.... Trying to decide if he’ll be happier ignoring Christmas or embracing it.
Ok… Really…. I can’t fully ignore Christmas. Even though Taiwan doesn’t “celebrate” Christmas, It definitely recognizes it.
In 48 years, I have never been alone and away from my family on Christmas. Never. Today, I am somewhere in the range of 7700 miles from all that is most dear to me on a High Holiday on the Christian calendar. As an adult, Christmas has always been a religious holiday, the celebrating of the birth of Christ. And until the arrival of Sean and Tim in my life, I’d been generally underwhelmed by all the Christmas “hype”. The emphasis on Santa and materialism makes me into a real scrooge.
I’ve tended to even-keeled outwardly when it comes to holidays and the sort. But I feel them deeply.
In my lesson to my third graders I explained how my family comes together at Christmas. They were SHOCKED at how large my family is and that often times I don’t know all the names of the people in the room. But I don’t have to know your name to love you. If you’re family, it’s all good. Give me a hug and kiss! Those hugs and kiss is what I am going to miss the most. We love on you outwardly in my family. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE those big deep hugs and kisses on the cheek. The smile of recognition when you come into the room is utterly and completely validating. In my family you can ALWAYS come home. We WANT you home, and MISS you when you’re not there…. (pause….. fighting back the tears now. This is why I was trying to ignore the day.)…….. As I’ve gotten older, my family has come to mean more and more to me. I love them and miss them all the more on the holidays.)
I miss the hugs my big brother Kirk and him calling me “baby boy”. Kirk is a big guy with a heart to match. I miss the protectiveness and steadiness of my big sister Marian. Memories of her laugh always make me smile. I miss the sensitivity of my little brother Steve. He is the lost sheep of sorts. We often get cross with one another, but I’ve never, never, never stopped believing in him and I KNOW beyond any measure of doubt he feels the same about me. Even though we drive the other nuts at times, he’s still my brother and if you mess with him, I’ll send you into the sweet by and by.
It goes without saying, but I must… I miss Sean and Tim. They are the two single most important people in the world to me. They taught me to lighten up during with is usually a very heavy time for me. I miss seeing thing laugh and joke and play with Sholanda, Sharese, Tot, Stevie, Marquis, and all of their other cousins. And there are many cousins. I miss the goofiness of Taylor, Trinity, and Ellis and how goofy they make my brother Kirk.
I miss the way my Aunt Lula’s eyes squint when she smiles and they way my Aunt Sam calls me “baby” and “sweetheart”. I miss the thought provoking conversations with my cousin Reggie, my uncle Art and Uncle Brother. (Yeah, you read that right. There is somebody in every family with a nickname that is a little confusing if you’re not in the family.)
I miss the continuous laughter when we are together. We don’t just love each other, we actually LIKE each other.
I miss hearing people call me Papa, Uncle Darryl, D, D.A., Preacher (my Grandmother used to call me that) and the occasional, “What’s your name again?” You really have to see how many people we can squeeze into one room.
I miss the freckles that are such a common trait in the Parker clan. My grandmother had them, my momma had them, all her brothers and sisters have, me and my brothers and sister have them, and all my cousins of a certain age have them. They come later in life. It’s a family trait that is undeniable.
I miss the food. GOD how I miss the food! I am especially craving my sister Marian’s spaghetti and macaroni and cheese!
I miss the quiet confident smile of my favorite…. Ok, well actually, technically she’s my only formal, Sister-in-Law Theresa. She and Karen my other Sister-in-Law, sort of, have been in this family since our high school days.
I will miss my dad. My Dad is the BEST man I know. Did I say I love that man? I Love that man. My dad is strong, steady and gentle. Most everything I know about kindness and patience, I learn from him. I learned just from watching him. He is completely unflappable. And his wife Juanita, is as thoughtful a woman as I know. We’ve always gotten along well.
My Family, God Bless ‘em, is a mish-mash of all that is good in the world. We’ve got it all. Black, White, Asian, Gay, Straight, Conservative, Liberal, Radicals… You name it and you just might be able to say… “Yeah, that is so much like……..” There are those with whom I share no blood or legal tie through marriage, that are as much family with every right, privilege, and burden that comes with every family. And to be perfectly honest, when I’m analyzing the family, as in moments like this, is the ONLY time it really dawns on me. But each is loved as much as if they were blood.
At the top I mentioned this being a religious holiday. It IS and always will be for me. I need not say anything else. I don’t miss it. It is ever present in my life. My faith and ALL associated with it makes it possible for me to withstand these waves of emotion. I really don’t know how other people survive the vicissitudes of life. I know it’s the main reason I’m still standing. Every man or woman walks there own path. And that’s OK too.
This holiday is Big for me. Maybe I didn’t know just how much until it kept creeping closer and closer. The closer it got the heavier my heart became. I share this with you, so you know just how blessed a person I am. I’ve got these great wonderful people that are inextricably woven into the very fiber of who I am. And we love to be together on Christmas.
As you have no doubt deduced at this point, I can't ignore Christmas, even if I tried. Embracing it in the best way I know how is the only option.
Peace On Earth. Good Will To Men
MERRY CHRISTMAS
戴格智
(also known as Papa, Uncle Darryl, D, D.A., Preacher, or just simply ….. Darryl)
Peace
Showing posts with label Isolation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Isolation. Show all posts
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Trying To Get Back To Normal
Where in the World is D?
Saying Hello, Ni Hao, Whazz Up and other random thoughts.
I love to write. I write both as a form of expression and as therapy. But good writing takes time and is a discipline. I sometimes have the time, but lack the discipline.
I’m out of practice because of my self imposed silence, at least for good expressive writing. I’ve have written for therapy over the past months. Much of it has not made it the blog and likely never will. Some things are a bit too personal for such a public place. Yeah, yeah, I know I promised some months back to share openly the good and the bad of my experience. You’ll still the ……. Mmm painful, for lack of a better term at the moment, but the blog just got too sad.
Fact is, while I do have moments of great sadness, loneliness the occasional feeling of regret. I also have moments of fun and laughter too. I want to go back to those quirky observations I made before. They were more fun. Let us begin….
First thing that has been on my mind on a daily basis is the men’s locker room at the gym. Men please, for my sake if not yours, put on a towel!! And definitely put on a towel if you are going to relax in the area with the newspapers. It think it pretty cool the gym offers that area. But not so cool wonder if I sit in this chair, has some dudes naked ass and other parts been hanging out, pardon the expression, in the same chair recently. I don’t care if you just took a shower, it’s just not cool, OK?!
Second, I offer my side of a recent conversation. But one I have more often than you know.
“No, I don’t him.”
“Yes, they are a foreign.”
“Really, I don’t care.”
“No, if he wants to know me, he’ll come over.”
“No I have nothing against him.”
“He is probably like me. If he wanted to be with another foreigner, he would go to a place where a lot foreigners hangout. Not a bar full of Taiwan people.”
Last night at C’est La Vie, I had, what can only, be described as a very awkward greeting between myself and a guy named John. For the record, for all my Taiwan friends, not all foreigners know each other or want to know each other. It’s OK. Really, it is.
John and I are both American. And we were both clearly uncomfortable with this forced meeting. He was white and had a pretty strong urban east coast accent. I am Black and from the Midwest. Odds are the only thing we have in common is English and being a foreigner in Taiwan. Chances are, that we may have indeed spoken to each other during the course of the evening. C’est la Vie is not that big. But it a little like being on the playground in 1st grade and being forced to play with the new kid.
My first instinct was “What the hell is he doing in MY joint?!” Yeah, I said “MY”. I started going to C’est la Vie when the first opened. I got squatters rights! John speaks more Chinese and communication is easier for him, but ME they love. I’m more than a customer their. I’m a friend. A few weeks ago, on Halloween, they let me be a guest bartender. It really forced my Chinese in a different way. It was fun. So I think it’s fair to say C’est la Vie is MY place.
That'll do it for now.
Good Luck
戴格智
Saying Hello, Ni Hao, Whazz Up and other random thoughts.
I love to write. I write both as a form of expression and as therapy. But good writing takes time and is a discipline. I sometimes have the time, but lack the discipline.
I’m out of practice because of my self imposed silence, at least for good expressive writing. I’ve have written for therapy over the past months. Much of it has not made it the blog and likely never will. Some things are a bit too personal for such a public place. Yeah, yeah, I know I promised some months back to share openly the good and the bad of my experience. You’ll still the ……. Mmm painful, for lack of a better term at the moment, but the blog just got too sad.
Fact is, while I do have moments of great sadness, loneliness the occasional feeling of regret. I also have moments of fun and laughter too. I want to go back to those quirky observations I made before. They were more fun. Let us begin….
First thing that has been on my mind on a daily basis is the men’s locker room at the gym. Men please, for my sake if not yours, put on a towel!! And definitely put on a towel if you are going to relax in the area with the newspapers. It think it pretty cool the gym offers that area. But not so cool wonder if I sit in this chair, has some dudes naked ass and other parts been hanging out, pardon the expression, in the same chair recently. I don’t care if you just took a shower, it’s just not cool, OK?!
Second, I offer my side of a recent conversation. But one I have more often than you know.
“No, I don’t him.”
“Yes, they are a foreign.”
“Really, I don’t care.”
“No, if he wants to know me, he’ll come over.”
“No I have nothing against him.”
“He is probably like me. If he wanted to be with another foreigner, he would go to a place where a lot foreigners hangout. Not a bar full of Taiwan people.”
Last night at C’est La Vie, I had, what can only, be described as a very awkward greeting between myself and a guy named John. For the record, for all my Taiwan friends, not all foreigners know each other or want to know each other. It’s OK. Really, it is.
John and I are both American. And we were both clearly uncomfortable with this forced meeting. He was white and had a pretty strong urban east coast accent. I am Black and from the Midwest. Odds are the only thing we have in common is English and being a foreigner in Taiwan. Chances are, that we may have indeed spoken to each other during the course of the evening. C’est la Vie is not that big. But it a little like being on the playground in 1st grade and being forced to play with the new kid.
My first instinct was “What the hell is he doing in MY joint?!” Yeah, I said “MY”. I started going to C’est la Vie when the first opened. I got squatters rights! John speaks more Chinese and communication is easier for him, but ME they love. I’m more than a customer their. I’m a friend. A few weeks ago, on Halloween, they let me be a guest bartender. It really forced my Chinese in a different way. It was fun. So I think it’s fair to say C’est la Vie is MY place.
That'll do it for now.
Good Luck
戴格智
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
My Day WILL come. It Just Has To!
Where in the World is D?
Sitting and wondering
10.11.09
Please note the date above.
I’m at Starbucks. I had a good workout. My body feels sore, but not hurt or injured. That’s a good feeling. I have a semi full stomach. I went for dinner, but it was not the best effort of this restaurant tonight. I’ve been there many times and also had great food. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt of having an “off” night. So, I’m still a little hungry.
I was feeling really good, both physically and mentally. Then it happened. I looked up from my laptop to see this couple looking very lovingly at one another, and they shared a very sweet and tender kiss. My first thing I thought was, “Wow! I don’t think I’ve seen anyone do that my whole time in Taiwan.” My second thought was, “Damn, why can’t that be me?”
I know my turn is coming someday. I just hope its sooner than later.
Sitting and wondering
10.11.09
Please note the date above.
I’m at Starbucks. I had a good workout. My body feels sore, but not hurt or injured. That’s a good feeling. I have a semi full stomach. I went for dinner, but it was not the best effort of this restaurant tonight. I’ve been there many times and also had great food. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt of having an “off” night. So, I’m still a little hungry.
I was feeling really good, both physically and mentally. Then it happened. I looked up from my laptop to see this couple looking very lovingly at one another, and they shared a very sweet and tender kiss. My first thing I thought was, “Wow! I don’t think I’ve seen anyone do that my whole time in Taiwan.” My second thought was, “Damn, why can’t that be me?”
I know my turn is coming someday. I just hope its sooner than later.
Always Questioning. I really need to stop doing that.
Where in the World is D?
As usual, second guessing himself. UGH!
10.11.09
Self-doubt has been a life long companion of mine. If I had any “monkey’s on my back”, that would be it. Why? Lord only knows. A broken brain, or maybe just a broken heart. Maybe neither is broken, but seriously sprained. A nagging injury that just won’t heal. This time in Taiwan will be my physical therapy of sorts. Instead of going to a trainer to heal my sprained ankle, I am going to learn to relax and go with the flow. To just “be” and be ok with simply be-ing and not do-ing .
*A side note for my more conservative Christian friends who’s knee jerk reaction will surely be something along the lines of “trust God not yourself” or “God is the best therapist for you”. If you had any of those responses or anything like it… STOP!!!! Those responses insult my very deep faith and makes me terribly angry. You don’t think I have a regular conversation with Jesus about this. Struggles are not always due to some sort of deficit in my faith, prayer life, worship, tithing or other Christian ritual. Don’t be so quick to understand me. If you knew the whole story and saw the world through my eyes and experience, you might more likely say something like, “Dang, Darryl’s a tough guy. He’s still standing and fight after all that?!”
The thing is, the doubt is not in every aspect of my life, just a few very tender areas. If you were to see me in the classroom or doing any type of public speaking, you might think I was very cocky and be put off by presence.
None of us are one-dimensional. The expression, “what you see is what you get” is rarely entirely accurate. What you see is what I want you to see. And you get what I want you to get. We all have different parts of our psyche that manifest at different times. It’s ok. I think it’s pretty normal.
So if you are like me, constantly questioning yourself and if you really are “OK”, hang in there. What keeps me going are those days when I say to myself honestly, “Yeah, I AM OK. And at this moment I genuinely believe it.” Take stock of the moment. Smile a smile to yourself that no one else will understand.
Good Luck
戴格智
As usual, second guessing himself. UGH!
10.11.09
Self-doubt has been a life long companion of mine. If I had any “monkey’s on my back”, that would be it. Why? Lord only knows. A broken brain, or maybe just a broken heart. Maybe neither is broken, but seriously sprained. A nagging injury that just won’t heal. This time in Taiwan will be my physical therapy of sorts. Instead of going to a trainer to heal my sprained ankle, I am going to learn to relax and go with the flow. To just “be” and be ok with simply be-ing and not do-ing .
*A side note for my more conservative Christian friends who’s knee jerk reaction will surely be something along the lines of “trust God not yourself” or “God is the best therapist for you”. If you had any of those responses or anything like it… STOP!!!! Those responses insult my very deep faith and makes me terribly angry. You don’t think I have a regular conversation with Jesus about this. Struggles are not always due to some sort of deficit in my faith, prayer life, worship, tithing or other Christian ritual. Don’t be so quick to understand me. If you knew the whole story and saw the world through my eyes and experience, you might more likely say something like, “Dang, Darryl’s a tough guy. He’s still standing and fight after all that?!”
The thing is, the doubt is not in every aspect of my life, just a few very tender areas. If you were to see me in the classroom or doing any type of public speaking, you might think I was very cocky and be put off by presence.
None of us are one-dimensional. The expression, “what you see is what you get” is rarely entirely accurate. What you see is what I want you to see. And you get what I want you to get. We all have different parts of our psyche that manifest at different times. It’s ok. I think it’s pretty normal.
So if you are like me, constantly questioning yourself and if you really are “OK”, hang in there. What keeps me going are those days when I say to myself honestly, “Yeah, I AM OK. And at this moment I genuinely believe it.” Take stock of the moment. Smile a smile to yourself that no one else will understand.
Good Luck
戴格智
Monday, September 28, 2009
Why I've Been Silent part1
Where in the World is D Today?
Trying to figure out a new path out of this cave.
OK, here's the deal. My mood over the last 2 months has been bad.... real bad. I used to know the way out when I would get in these funks. But things are different now. I can't describe it really other than to say my circumstances are different. I'm still the same guy, I think, but being in Taiwan has given this..... thing... a new dimension.
I don't know if you can call emotions a thing but I haven't got the words. And that's just it, no clarity of thought. I manage to do my teaching very well. In class, I'm ALL There. Away from class.... I'm a total flake.
So how is my mood today? Ah.... So-so. But when I'm in a funk, I don't feel like writing. The great irony in that is writing helps the funk dissipate. I am hoping it will help a little tonight. After I post this I will go to bed. Writing helps get stuff out of my head. But when I'm in "flake mode" its hard to gather up those thoughts and shepherd them out of my head and onto the page.
I am trying to get back in the habit of writing. If you are a regular reader, thanks. Not so much for reading but for being interested in me, for whatever reason. I feel a lot of isolation. If someone shows interest in me, I'm always a little surprised. (sorry my self-esteem is not at it's optimum right now.)
Good Luck
D
Trying to figure out a new path out of this cave.
OK, here's the deal. My mood over the last 2 months has been bad.... real bad. I used to know the way out when I would get in these funks. But things are different now. I can't describe it really other than to say my circumstances are different. I'm still the same guy, I think, but being in Taiwan has given this..... thing... a new dimension.
I don't know if you can call emotions a thing but I haven't got the words. And that's just it, no clarity of thought. I manage to do my teaching very well. In class, I'm ALL There. Away from class.... I'm a total flake.
So how is my mood today? Ah.... So-so. But when I'm in a funk, I don't feel like writing. The great irony in that is writing helps the funk dissipate. I am hoping it will help a little tonight. After I post this I will go to bed. Writing helps get stuff out of my head. But when I'm in "flake mode" its hard to gather up those thoughts and shepherd them out of my head and onto the page.
I am trying to get back in the habit of writing. If you are a regular reader, thanks. Not so much for reading but for being interested in me, for whatever reason. I feel a lot of isolation. If someone shows interest in me, I'm always a little surprised. (sorry my self-esteem is not at it's optimum right now.)
Good Luck
D
Sunday, August 2, 2009
More Growing Pains - May Force Silence
Where in the World is D Today?
Listening to “Angry Music” in Starbucks. The playlist tonight is Living Colour, James Brown, Hazard To Your Booty, Jay-Z, and The Red Hot Chili Peppers.
I’m really frustrated right now. Nah…. Frustrated is the wrong word….. Hmmmm? Is there ONE word to describe feeling lost, lonely, angry, annoyed, stupid and worried all at the same time?
Culture Shock is getting the better of me right now. It feels like a losing battle and I'll never get really comfortable. I know intellectually it'll be better at some point. But Emotionally, right now, it feels horrible.
I want to talk, but, every time I open my mouth …. I get misunderstood. I think that misunderstand comes from a natural language barrier, my inability to express the complexities of my mind in elementary English. Also adding to this are the huge cultural differences of age, background, and life experience.
I can see my friends genuinely WANT to understand what’s bothering me, but too often, because of cultural differences I think, they do not see why this thing or that thing is such a worry. And I get “just don’t worry about it. Be happy.” I want to scream every time I hear that phrase now. I hear it a lot!
The basic choice I have now is to not say anything and just put on a happy face. That seems the best (most culturally proper) thing for me to do. It’s good for them, but for me…. Mmm not so much. Talking is good therapy for me. So will apologize in advance that more of my blog entries might tend to be a bit on the depressed side of things.
I suppose I could just write and not share, but that sort of defeats the purpose. The point of the blog is to let you see the world from my perspective… to let you inside my head a bit.
Anybody care to give me your thoughts on what you want to see on the blog?
I’m going to try something new now. I am going to post some song lyrics. The song is Under the Bridge by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The song speaks in metaphors just like I do and it resonates with me strongly right now. When I get frustrated I walk. Hopefully you’ll understand when you read. I know there are a few mistakes in the Chinese, but I don’t know how to change them.
Peace ~ 戴格智
Under The Bridge ~ Red Hot Chili Peppers
Sometimes I feel
Like I dont have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angel
Lonely as I am
Together we cry
I drive on her streets
cause shes my companion
I walk through her hills
cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie
I dont ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way
Its hard to believe
That theres nobody out there
Its hard to believe
That Im all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry
I dont ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way
Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away
橋下〜紅辣椒
有時候，我覺得
我不喜歡的合作夥伴
有時候，我覺得
像我唯一的朋友
是我住在城市
天使城
孤獨的我
我們一起哭
我開她的街道
我的同伴事業喜
我走過她的丘陵
導致她知道我是誰
她看到我的好事
她親吻我的風
我從來不擔心
現在這是一個謊言
我不想要的感覺
像我這一天
請帶我去的地方我愛
把我所有的道路
其很難相信
這人有theres
其很難相信
即時通訊獨自
至少我有她的愛
這個城市，她愛我
孤獨的我
我們一起哭
我不想要的感覺
像我這一天
請帶我去的地方我愛
把我所有的道路
在市中心的橋樑
就是我提請一些血液
在市中心的橋樑
我無法獲得足夠的
在市中心的橋樑
忘了我的愛
在市中心的橋樑
我給了我生命
Listening to “Angry Music” in Starbucks. The playlist tonight is Living Colour, James Brown, Hazard To Your Booty, Jay-Z, and The Red Hot Chili Peppers.
I’m really frustrated right now. Nah…. Frustrated is the wrong word….. Hmmmm? Is there ONE word to describe feeling lost, lonely, angry, annoyed, stupid and worried all at the same time?
Culture Shock is getting the better of me right now. It feels like a losing battle and I'll never get really comfortable. I know intellectually it'll be better at some point. But Emotionally, right now, it feels horrible.
I want to talk, but, every time I open my mouth …. I get misunderstood. I think that misunderstand comes from a natural language barrier, my inability to express the complexities of my mind in elementary English. Also adding to this are the huge cultural differences of age, background, and life experience.
I can see my friends genuinely WANT to understand what’s bothering me, but too often, because of cultural differences I think, they do not see why this thing or that thing is such a worry. And I get “just don’t worry about it. Be happy.” I want to scream every time I hear that phrase now. I hear it a lot!
The basic choice I have now is to not say anything and just put on a happy face. That seems the best (most culturally proper) thing for me to do. It’s good for them, but for me…. Mmm not so much. Talking is good therapy for me. So will apologize in advance that more of my blog entries might tend to be a bit on the depressed side of things.
I suppose I could just write and not share, but that sort of defeats the purpose. The point of the blog is to let you see the world from my perspective… to let you inside my head a bit.
Anybody care to give me your thoughts on what you want to see on the blog?
I’m going to try something new now. I am going to post some song lyrics. The song is Under the Bridge by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. The song speaks in metaphors just like I do and it resonates with me strongly right now. When I get frustrated I walk. Hopefully you’ll understand when you read. I know there are a few mistakes in the Chinese, but I don’t know how to change them.
Peace ~ 戴格智
Under The Bridge ~ Red Hot Chili Peppers
Sometimes I feel
Like I dont have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angel
Lonely as I am
Together we cry
I drive on her streets
cause shes my companion
I walk through her hills
cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie
I dont ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way
Its hard to believe
That theres nobody out there
Its hard to believe
That Im all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry
I dont ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way
Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away
橋下〜紅辣椒
有時候，我覺得
我不喜歡的合作夥伴
有時候，我覺得
像我唯一的朋友
是我住在城市
天使城
孤獨的我
我們一起哭
我開她的街道
我的同伴事業喜
我走過她的丘陵
導致她知道我是誰
她看到我的好事
她親吻我的風
我從來不擔心
現在這是一個謊言
我不想要的感覺
像我這一天
請帶我去的地方我愛
把我所有的道路
其很難相信
這人有theres
其很難相信
即時通訊獨自
至少我有她的愛
這個城市，她愛我
孤獨的我
我們一起哭
我不想要的感覺
像我這一天
請帶我去的地方我愛
把我所有的道路
在市中心的橋樑
就是我提請一些血液
在市中心的橋樑
我無法獲得足夠的
在市中心的橋樑
忘了我的愛
在市中心的橋樑
我給了我生命
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Darryl the Scizophrenic Panda 戴格智 精神分裂症大熊貓
Where in the World is D Today?
Trying to stay balanced in the off center situation that is my life. (I'm not really Scizophrenic, It is only a metaphor for what is to come as you read.)
Before I start, I have to throw a mad shout out to Lyn, Sean and Tim, henceforth know as Team Douglas. Without them I would have no chance at all at balance.
I am sitting on an outside patio at a tea shop near Starbucks. I think the temperature is about a million degrees. It’s just stupid crazy hot today. But, I’m in the shade and there’s a nice breeze so it ok. There’s a gazillion people in Starbucks so I needed to find someplace else to chill.
I’m trying to decide on writing bullet points or the usual narrative. Hmmm………. Ok Free-write stream of conscious it’s going to be. Hope you can understand my scattered brain-ness.
I have two lives. One life in U.S.A ........*Long Pause* I just got interrupted my a very nice older woman. She just came up and started looking over my shoulder at the computer. My response… Mmmm…. Hello?... One hour later, we just finished our conversation. Dang I forgot to get a picture! As I was saying…..
I have two lives. One life in the U.S.A and one in Taiwan. Life number one in the U.S.A. is taking it’s toll on me. Six months ago, I had planned to sell the house, but NOT right away. That time table has been moved to NOW not later. This is where the previous shout out comes in. I can’t manage this from Taiwan. I NEED the help of others. Sean, Tim and Lyn have been my A Team with Lyn as Captain. All the details are too difficult to explain here. But suffice it to say it’s a complicated process of phone calls and emails involving friends, family, bankers, lawyers, and a real estate agent, Alicia who will get a euber shout out if she can sell my house quickly without me losing a bunch of money. (It’s a really good house. Somebody go buy it! Right NOW! I don’t know if the power of suggestion works here, but it certainly can’t hurt.)
This move has caught us all off guard. Things happen in life. In my clear state of mind I will say simply ‘you play the cards you are dealt’. I might want an Ace of Diamonds, but I was dealt a 3 of Clubs. There is nothing I can do about it. I have to make the 3 of Clubs work until the next hand. I am able to stay clear in my head only with the love and support of others! And unlike a typical card game where you keep your cards hidden, I can show my cards to others and ask them what the best way is to make that crazy 3 of Clubs work when all the other cards are Diamonds. So lately there has been a lot of questions like that start, “What if…” or “Maybe we can…” and “But what about…” Then there is trying to anticipate the play of people at the table. “If I do ____, then maybe they will _____.
Caught unwittingly in the middle of this Tim. When the house is sold, he and I become in Homeless. That is not a good feeling. We have only talked about it in a superficial but usually practical way. BUT, my guess is this is having a profound emotional impact on him. I am sure it is on Sean. He has always been the most sensitive, in a good way, of the three of us. (Boys if you’re reading this, remember how much I love you and how we’ve always managed to get through before. And Tim, remember the Always Lasting promise I made when you were a baby.)
On to life number 2, Life in Taiwan… Life in Taiwan is generally good. I’ve made some good friends. I love the food and people in general. I have a job I like. I have a decent apartment in walking distance of my job. Really life is good here. So what else could I want? Hmmm What else could a SINGLE guy want? I’ll give you three guess’. No, Red Sox season tickets was a good guess, but the commute from Jhongli is too difficult. Try agan. No. A seemingly reasonable guess, but anyone who really knows me, knows it has NEVER been about ‘the booty’ for me. If it were just about sex, I could walk 5 minutes in any direction from my apartment and handle that. Try again, last chance. Yes! A girlfriend, and maybe that could lead to a good wife.
(I am opening up a generally very private part of my life. It’s a little scary. I’ve written a couple of paragraphs and this is getting long. So will finish in the next blog post. Look for something referencing lonely panda’s. I haven’t thought of a good title yet.)
Trying to stay balanced in the off center situation that is my life. (I'm not really Scizophrenic, It is only a metaphor for what is to come as you read.)
Before I start, I have to throw a mad shout out to Lyn, Sean and Tim, henceforth know as Team Douglas. Without them I would have no chance at all at balance.
I am sitting on an outside patio at a tea shop near Starbucks. I think the temperature is about a million degrees. It’s just stupid crazy hot today. But, I’m in the shade and there’s a nice breeze so it ok. There’s a gazillion people in Starbucks so I needed to find someplace else to chill.
I’m trying to decide on writing bullet points or the usual narrative. Hmmm………. Ok Free-write stream of conscious it’s going to be. Hope you can understand my scattered brain-ness.
I have two lives. One life in U.S.A ........*Long Pause* I just got interrupted my a very nice older woman. She just came up and started looking over my shoulder at the computer. My response… Mmmm…. Hello?... One hour later, we just finished our conversation. Dang I forgot to get a picture! As I was saying…..
I have two lives. One life in the U.S.A and one in Taiwan. Life number one in the U.S.A. is taking it’s toll on me. Six months ago, I had planned to sell the house, but NOT right away. That time table has been moved to NOW not later. This is where the previous shout out comes in. I can’t manage this from Taiwan. I NEED the help of others. Sean, Tim and Lyn have been my A Team with Lyn as Captain. All the details are too difficult to explain here. But suffice it to say it’s a complicated process of phone calls and emails involving friends, family, bankers, lawyers, and a real estate agent, Alicia who will get a euber shout out if she can sell my house quickly without me losing a bunch of money. (It’s a really good house. Somebody go buy it! Right NOW! I don’t know if the power of suggestion works here, but it certainly can’t hurt.)
This move has caught us all off guard. Things happen in life. In my clear state of mind I will say simply ‘you play the cards you are dealt’. I might want an Ace of Diamonds, but I was dealt a 3 of Clubs. There is nothing I can do about it. I have to make the 3 of Clubs work until the next hand. I am able to stay clear in my head only with the love and support of others! And unlike a typical card game where you keep your cards hidden, I can show my cards to others and ask them what the best way is to make that crazy 3 of Clubs work when all the other cards are Diamonds. So lately there has been a lot of questions like that start, “What if…” or “Maybe we can…” and “But what about…” Then there is trying to anticipate the play of people at the table. “If I do ____, then maybe they will _____.
Caught unwittingly in the middle of this Tim. When the house is sold, he and I become in Homeless. That is not a good feeling. We have only talked about it in a superficial but usually practical way. BUT, my guess is this is having a profound emotional impact on him. I am sure it is on Sean. He has always been the most sensitive, in a good way, of the three of us. (Boys if you’re reading this, remember how much I love you and how we’ve always managed to get through before. And Tim, remember the Always Lasting promise I made when you were a baby.)
On to life number 2, Life in Taiwan… Life in Taiwan is generally good. I’ve made some good friends. I love the food and people in general. I have a job I like. I have a decent apartment in walking distance of my job. Really life is good here. So what else could I want? Hmmm What else could a SINGLE guy want? I’ll give you three guess’. No, Red Sox season tickets was a good guess, but the commute from Jhongli is too difficult. Try agan. No. A seemingly reasonable guess, but anyone who really knows me, knows it has NEVER been about ‘the booty’ for me. If it were just about sex, I could walk 5 minutes in any direction from my apartment and handle that. Try again, last chance. Yes! A girlfriend, and maybe that could lead to a good wife.
(I am opening up a generally very private part of my life. It’s a little scary. I’ve written a couple of paragraphs and this is getting long. So will finish in the next blog post. Look for something referencing lonely panda’s. I haven’t thought of a good title yet.)
Darryl the Lonely Panda 戴格智寂寞的熊貓
Where in the World is D Today?
Dying of Thirst While Standing in the Middle of a Stream.
If you are one of those people who will say, “just be patient.” I will tell you officially… SHUT UP. I have never remarried and quiet honestly have Not dated a tremendous about sense my divorce. It’s been a bunch of YEARS now. You could say I need to do several things, but, be patient ain’t one of them. I’ve been nothing if not patient.
Here’s part of my dilemma, I’m not getting any younger. Everyone I meet seems to be in their 20’s. When I point out this fact, I have often heard, “But you look so young! Age is not a problem here.” I will not disagree, put I view that optimism with a certain amount of skepticism. I will say for the record, there is absolutely nothing wrong with younger women, (or dating a younger man but this is specifically about me and a dating a man scenario is laugh out loud ridiculous. It’s NOT EVER gonna happen.) There may even be even some up sides. Nonetheless I worry about being perceived as a “Perv”.
The upside is lack of experience. I will define “lack of experience” as younger women in general, probably lack the years of disappointments and heartbreaks that inevitably come in every life. The short and less tactful way to put it is she’s not angry or jaded about men yet for doing her wrong time and time again. So she will see promise and hope in spite of the age difference.
The down side is lack of experience. I’ve already gone through the phases of life every twenty-something or thirty-something person will inevitably face. It’s an advantage for them, but I could see possible frustration on my side of equation. But I don’t know if it is any different other conflicts and differences in any relationship.
I can give any woman, but in this case a younger woman, almost quite literally everything she wants. I have a good secure job. I’m faithful, funny and devoted. I don’t know if I’m the cutest guy, but I definitely know I’m not the ugliest. I’m learning Chinese so in time language as a barrier becomes much less an issue. Here is the one thing that is possibly, and likely, a deal breaker. I can give her everything she wants except babies. I had a operation 20 years ago to become sterile. I thought I would be married to my wife forever and we didn’t want any more kids. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Ooops! I joke about it, but it was a good logical decision at the time. I had not reason to believe things would go the way they did. I am peaceful about the decision. But the fact remains, I’m sterile and there’s no going back. And I really don’t think I want to. Actually, I’m quite sure of it. So what’s a Good Man to do?!
Would I like to date an older woman? Of course! I’m not only looking for young women. Cut me some slack. But I don’t ever meet older single women. They tend to be married which makes perfect sense. So…… as I said to Will once, I fish at the pond I’m standing in. This leaves me with a couple of options.
I stop fishing all together and make my peace with being single, forever…… NOPE, not an option. If I end up single, it won’t be from not trying. I am not built for forever solitude. I’m made for commitment.
I can continue doing what I’m doing and hope for the best. (What I’m doing is keeping my eyes open to all possibilities.)
I can hope a friend sets me up. They all tend to be younger, so I’m back at square one with younger women and I don’t think any of the friends I have would set me up.
And then there’s the, heaven forbid, Internet dating. Not thrilled about that possibility, but desperate times call for desperate measures! Haven’t decided to do it yet, but every night I go to bed alone, I think about it.
The bottom line is I’m lonely and want companionship. Not a friend! Friends can’t comfort you in the middle of the night when you have a bad dream. They don’t hold your hand when watching a movie or walking down the street. Friends don’t give you that special look that says, “I really, really like YOU.”
Is it wrong for me to want more? To expect more? I don’t think so. I have great friends in America and Taiwan. I have two wonderful children. I have a very good life. I am richly blessed. But the fact is, I am traveling through life alone. It doesn’t feel very good.
I’m not going through some type of mid-life crisis, or “searching” for myself. I like who I am. I am a GOOD man with a big heart. I am not looking to be completed or fulfilled by another person. I’ve learned in life, that one person cannot complete or fulfill another. Here’s what we can do: We can love, support, nurture, cry, laugh, dance, learn and giggle with. We help them carry some of the excess baggage life hands us. And you know what, that’s a good thing.
I want that with somebody.
Peace 戴格智
Dying of Thirst While Standing in the Middle of a Stream.
If you are one of those people who will say, “just be patient.” I will tell you officially… SHUT UP. I have never remarried and quiet honestly have Not dated a tremendous about sense my divorce. It’s been a bunch of YEARS now. You could say I need to do several things, but, be patient ain’t one of them. I’ve been nothing if not patient.
Here’s part of my dilemma, I’m not getting any younger. Everyone I meet seems to be in their 20’s. When I point out this fact, I have often heard, “But you look so young! Age is not a problem here.” I will not disagree, put I view that optimism with a certain amount of skepticism. I will say for the record, there is absolutely nothing wrong with younger women, (or dating a younger man but this is specifically about me and a dating a man scenario is laugh out loud ridiculous. It’s NOT EVER gonna happen.) There may even be even some up sides. Nonetheless I worry about being perceived as a “Perv”.
The upside is lack of experience. I will define “lack of experience” as younger women in general, probably lack the years of disappointments and heartbreaks that inevitably come in every life. The short and less tactful way to put it is she’s not angry or jaded about men yet for doing her wrong time and time again. So she will see promise and hope in spite of the age difference.
The down side is lack of experience. I’ve already gone through the phases of life every twenty-something or thirty-something person will inevitably face. It’s an advantage for them, but I could see possible frustration on my side of equation. But I don’t know if it is any different other conflicts and differences in any relationship.
I can give any woman, but in this case a younger woman, almost quite literally everything she wants. I have a good secure job. I’m faithful, funny and devoted. I don’t know if I’m the cutest guy, but I definitely know I’m not the ugliest. I’m learning Chinese so in time language as a barrier becomes much less an issue. Here is the one thing that is possibly, and likely, a deal breaker. I can give her everything she wants except babies. I had a operation 20 years ago to become sterile. I thought I would be married to my wife forever and we didn’t want any more kids. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Ooops! I joke about it, but it was a good logical decision at the time. I had not reason to believe things would go the way they did. I am peaceful about the decision. But the fact remains, I’m sterile and there’s no going back. And I really don’t think I want to. Actually, I’m quite sure of it. So what’s a Good Man to do?!
Would I like to date an older woman? Of course! I’m not only looking for young women. Cut me some slack. But I don’t ever meet older single women. They tend to be married which makes perfect sense. So…… as I said to Will once, I fish at the pond I’m standing in. This leaves me with a couple of options.
I stop fishing all together and make my peace with being single, forever…… NOPE, not an option. If I end up single, it won’t be from not trying. I am not built for forever solitude. I’m made for commitment.
I can continue doing what I’m doing and hope for the best. (What I’m doing is keeping my eyes open to all possibilities.)
I can hope a friend sets me up. They all tend to be younger, so I’m back at square one with younger women and I don’t think any of the friends I have would set me up.
And then there’s the, heaven forbid, Internet dating. Not thrilled about that possibility, but desperate times call for desperate measures! Haven’t decided to do it yet, but every night I go to bed alone, I think about it.
The bottom line is I’m lonely and want companionship. Not a friend! Friends can’t comfort you in the middle of the night when you have a bad dream. They don’t hold your hand when watching a movie or walking down the street. Friends don’t give you that special look that says, “I really, really like YOU.”
Is it wrong for me to want more? To expect more? I don’t think so. I have great friends in America and Taiwan. I have two wonderful children. I have a very good life. I am richly blessed. But the fact is, I am traveling through life alone. It doesn’t feel very good.
I’m not going through some type of mid-life crisis, or “searching” for myself. I like who I am. I am a GOOD man with a big heart. I am not looking to be completed or fulfilled by another person. I’ve learned in life, that one person cannot complete or fulfill another. Here’s what we can do: We can love, support, nurture, cry, laugh, dance, learn and giggle with. We help them carry some of the excess baggage life hands us. And you know what, that’s a good thing.
I want that with somebody.
Peace 戴格智
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Road Rules: Look Left, Right, Front, Back and Oh Yeah, Up!
Where in the World is D?
Looking Up and Saying... DUH!
OK, I know I promised no more stories on Taiwan traffic but this is REALLY important.
You've heard say or read my comments about the traffic here in Jhongli. Comments like, "People drive like Freddie Kruger on Crack!" Or "Taiwan traffic is not for the faint of heart" or "I said a prayer of Thanks because I didn't die crossing the street." (I actually do this several times a day.) In all seriousness, the traffic is not joking matter. I saw two scooter accidents on Sunday. Yesterday I was almost hit by a scooter, but here's why, and this is very common; It was 7:30 PM, the driver Did NOT have their light on AND was wearing a tinted visor. Even though I have taken to wear WHITE shirts at night, I can't see you with no lights on and she/he certainly didn't see my me in all my Blackness, white shirt or no. So, when crossing the street, I look forward, I look left I look right and I look behind me, because having a scooter follow you across the street only to whip around you on your blind side so they can make a left hand turn is very common. (People back home have no idea what I'm talking about, but I guarantee every Taiwanese person reading this knows Exactly what I'm talking about.) You understand why I thank the Lord just to go 50 feet without dying.
You also know I walk every everywhere. A big part of my routine is going to and from work. At every corner I look left, right, front and behind. I see the same things everyday. And EVERYDAY I come to the corner of Yanping and Jung Ping Roads.
I look left. There's the Organic Food Store. 
I look right. There's lots of shops. 
I look forward. There's the Little Green Man (He is Animated. Which is TOTALLY COOL!) telling me I can cross the street. 
I go on to work without thinking. I come home the same way, except now the Organic Food store is on the right and there's a LOT more traffic and people to negotiate.
Saturday I was rather bummed about some personal stuff. The usual stuff for me; How are the boys, Why can't I get everything to work right all at same time, but the big thing on my mind was am I doomed to walk the rest of my life "alone" (without a mate.) When I get like this, I like to take a prayer walk. It's calming. So as I'm wander the streets of Jhongli like some sort of ghost, I take a path I never before. Instead of going straight at Jung Ping Rd. I turn left at the Organic Food store. I walk all of 40 feet when I hear Christian music. It's in Chinese, but the style is completely recognizable to me. I stand across the street and watch for a long time. I was asked to go sit on a stool several times and decline. I'm comfortable watching and standing by this nice safe pole. After a while this group, lead by Lia, comes over and hauls me over to the seats. They have no idea what's going on in my head or my emotional state, but I acquiesce. They are not to be denied!
Remember that Organic Food store I see twice a day as I'm looking left and right for and arrant scooters or cars? Well, it never dawned on my to look UP!! If I would have looked up I would have seen this.......DUDE!!
I found my church home.
And like so many things that I've looked for over extended periods of time, it was right in front of me all along. The timing was perfect. I told Yi-Wen, the group leader, it was no accident I wandered by on Saturday. It was their first time doing something on the street.
So I needed to look up both literally and metaphorically. I will never understand God's timing. But I don't really care. I found wonderful Brother's and Sister's in Christ. A few people suggested that they could help me find an English church. My response was, "You don't want me to go to church here?" with a smile. "Oh no, I mean yes we want you" or something like that.
Thus begins a new chapter in this adventure. I'm sure more wonderful stories are on the way.
Looking Up and Saying... DUH!
OK, I know I promised no more stories on Taiwan traffic but this is REALLY important.
You've heard say or read my comments about the traffic here in Jhongli. Comments like, "People drive like Freddie Kruger on Crack!" Or "Taiwan traffic is not for the faint of heart" or "I said a prayer of Thanks because I didn't die crossing the street." (I actually do this several times a day.) In all seriousness, the traffic is not joking matter. I saw two scooter accidents on Sunday. Yesterday I was almost hit by a scooter, but here's why, and this is very common; It was 7:30 PM, the driver Did NOT have their light on AND was wearing a tinted visor. Even though I have taken to wear WHITE shirts at night, I can't see you with no lights on and she/he certainly didn't see my me in all my Blackness, white shirt or no. So, when crossing the street, I look forward, I look left I look right and I look behind me, because having a scooter follow you across the street only to whip around you on your blind side so they can make a left hand turn is very common. (People back home have no idea what I'm talking about, but I guarantee every Taiwanese person reading this knows Exactly what I'm talking about.) You understand why I thank the Lord just to go 50 feet without dying.
You also know I walk every everywhere. A big part of my routine is going to and from work. At every corner I look left, right, front and behind. I see the same things everyday. And EVERYDAY I come to the corner of Yanping and Jung Ping Roads.
I look left. There's the Organic Food Store. 
I look right. There's lots of shops. 
I look forward. There's the Little Green Man (He is Animated. Which is TOTALLY COOL!) telling me I can cross the street. 
I go on to work without thinking. I come home the same way, except now the Organic Food store is on the right and there's a LOT more traffic and people to negotiate. Saturday I was rather bummed about some personal stuff. The usual stuff for me; How are the boys, Why can't I get everything to work right all at same time, but the big thing on my mind was am I doomed to walk the rest of my life "alone" (without a mate.) When I get like this, I like to take a prayer walk. It's calming. So as I'm wander the streets of Jhongli like some sort of ghost, I take a path I never before. Instead of going straight at Jung Ping Rd. I turn left at the Organic Food store. I walk all of 40 feet when I hear Christian music. It's in Chinese, but the style is completely recognizable to me. I stand across the street and watch for a long time. I was asked to go sit on a stool several times and decline. I'm comfortable watching and standing by this nice safe pole. After a while this group, lead by Lia, comes over and hauls me over to the seats. They have no idea what's going on in my head or my emotional state, but I acquiesce. They are not to be denied!
Remember that Organic Food store I see twice a day as I'm looking left and right for and arrant scooters or cars? Well, it never dawned on my to look UP!! If I would have looked up I would have seen this.......DUDE!!
I found my church home.
And like so many things that I've looked for over extended periods of time, it was right in front of me all along. The timing was perfect. I told Yi-Wen, the group leader, it was no accident I wandered by on Saturday. It was their first time doing something on the street.
So I needed to look up both literally and metaphorically. I will never understand God's timing. But I don't really care. I found wonderful Brother's and Sister's in Christ. A few people suggested that they could help me find an English church. My response was, "You don't want me to go to church here?" with a smile. "Oh no, I mean yes we want you" or something like that.
Thus begins a new chapter in this adventure. I'm sure more wonderful stories are on the way.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Starbucks in my spot!
02.11.2009 10:39p.m.
Where in the World is D Today?
Making new friends at Starbucks!
Corporate America and Globalization ain't all bad.
As I have noted I do not have internet access in my apartment. So I couldn't take it anymore. I walked in to my friendly neighborhood starbucks and purchased WiFly for the next month. It was $500 dollars, and worth every penny to get me out of the house and something to do after work. But the great thing is tonight I met some new people. All of which came up to me, sort of. It was, say it with me, AWESOME! Let me introduce them to you.
First let me introduce you to Coke, yeah you read that right. I didn't ask.
Anyway, Coke was th
e young man that I met when I first got here. He set up my computer to use WiFly at Starbucks. Here's how it works. You buy a card with a password on it. When you get that put in on your computer, it sends you another password to your phone. Well I don't have a phone and can't get one until I have an Alien Resident Certificate. (It's Taiwans version of a Green Card) So good ol' Coke has it sent to his cell phone. Big, Bang, Boom, I'm on and rockin' and rollin'.
While Coke is getting me set up Timmy was watching from across the way. Timmy is a high school senior. Timmy just walks right over and asks to sit down.
OF Course!! We talk and joke for a good long time. I show him my facebook and blog. Some pics I have stored and are posting as I have time at work. He wants to share too, so I let him on my laptop and he shows me his blog and lots of pics of his friends. It was pretty cool. I decide I want to get to work writing and stuff. You know I went to Starbucks so I could get on the internet. But I just love this kid and have to have a picture. Enter Kirin and her sisters.
I noticed Kirin laughing at me a couple of times as I badly mispronounce some Chinese that Timmy is trying to teach me. Hey, it's part of the new language gig! Kirin immediately comes across as having a nice, fun spirit so I have her take a picture of me and Timmy. Timmy so does NOT want to do the typical Asian peace sign thing, because it's too girly so we get our thug mugs on, sort of. I'm still working on it.
Kirin is being so sweet so I ask her to take a picture with me. Kirin is like,"I am girly" so I play along and there you have this goofy picture of me and her.
We stand talking in the middle of Starbucks for several minutes when I finally just ask to sit. So of course I meet her sisters who are with her. Kirin, wearing green, is the most fluent in speaking English, but I discovered that they all understand English very well. Claire, where pink is a Teacher and the Elder sister. And Ray, wearing red, used to be a teacher, but is now studying Art Therapy if I'm not mistaken. They all loved to laugh and joke around. It was a great time.
I got to Starbucks a little before 8 and the girls have to leave around 10:15. OK, finally I can sit and write. Nope, Starbucks close at 10:30!! What?! Everything in this town stays open just about all night, but Starbucks closes at 10:30. Go Figure.
But "My Boy" Coke,
tells me there's a Mos Burger that has a WiFly connection that stay open 24hrs. just down the street. Cool! So here I am telling you all about this Great evening I had sitting at the 24hr. Mos Burger. I had a Sprite and some fries. I'm sure they have burgers but, I'm just not that hungry.
This was so not the original topic of todays blog. But this was even better. AND I have semi-instant access. Hurray for me!
Rail against Corporate greed all you want. But thanks to Starbucks and it's wisdom in hiring good - caring people like Coke, I was able to make some new friends, in a new place, when I had none.
Where in the World is D Today?
Making new friends at Starbucks!
Corporate America and Globalization ain't all bad.
As I have noted I do not have internet access in my apartment. So I couldn't take it anymore. I walked in to my friendly neighborhood starbucks and purchased WiFly for the next month. It was $500 dollars, and worth every penny to get me out of the house and something to do after work. But the great thing is tonight I met some new people. All of which came up to me, sort of. It was, say it with me, AWESOME! Let me introduce them to you.
First let me introduce you to Coke, yeah you read that right. I didn't ask.
Anyway, Coke was th
e young man that I met when I first got here. He set up my computer to use WiFly at Starbucks. Here's how it works. You buy a card with a password on it. When you get that put in on your computer, it sends you another password to your phone. Well I don't have a phone and can't get one until I have an Alien Resident Certificate. (It's Taiwans version of a Green Card) So good ol' Coke has it sent to his cell phone. Big, Bang, Boom, I'm on and rockin' and rollin'.While Coke is getting me set up Timmy was watching from across the way. Timmy is a high school senior. Timmy just walks right over and asks to sit down.
OF Course!! We talk and joke for a good long time. I show him my facebook and blog. Some pics I have stored and are posting as I have time at work. He wants to share too, so I let him on my laptop and he shows me his blog and lots of pics of his friends. It was pretty cool. I decide I want to get to work writing and stuff. You know I went to Starbucks so I could get on the internet. But I just love this kid and have to have a picture. Enter Kirin and her sisters.
I noticed Kirin laughing at me a couple of times as I badly mispronounce some Chinese that Timmy is trying to teach me. Hey, it's part of the new language gig! Kirin immediately comes across as having a nice, fun spirit so I have her take a picture of me and Timmy. Timmy so does NOT want to do the typical Asian peace sign thing, because it's too girly so we get our thug mugs on, sort of. I'm still working on it.
Kirin is being so sweet so I ask her to take a picture with me. Kirin is like,"I am girly" so I play along and there you have this goofy picture of me and her.
We stand talking in the middle of Starbucks for several minutes when I finally just ask to sit. So of course I meet her sisters who are with her. Kirin, wearing green, is the most fluent in speaking English, but I discovered that they all understand English very well. Claire, where pink is a Teacher and the Elder sister. And Ray, wearing red, used to be a teacher, but is now studying Art Therapy if I'm not mistaken. They all loved to laugh and joke around. It was a great time.
I got to Starbucks a little before 8 and the girls have to leave around 10:15. OK, finally I can sit and write. Nope, Starbucks close at 10:30!! What?! Everything in this town stays open just about all night, but Starbucks closes at 10:30. Go Figure.
But "My Boy" Coke,
tells me there's a Mos Burger that has a WiFly connection that stay open 24hrs. just down the street. Cool! So here I am telling you all about this Great evening I had sitting at the 24hr. Mos Burger. I had a Sprite and some fries. I'm sure they have burgers but, I'm just not that hungry. This was so not the original topic of todays blog. But this was even better. AND I have semi-instant access. Hurray for me!
Rail against Corporate greed all you want. But thanks to Starbucks and it's wisdom in hiring good - caring people like Coke, I was able to make some new friends, in a new place, when I had none.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Invisibility
Where in the World is D today?
Same place as usual, but can you see me?
I really like the radio program This American Life. This show is right up my alley for looking at normal everyday types of stuff in a different way. If you're not familiar with it, you ought to trying listening some time. Every week they take a theme and have 3-5 stories/essays on that theme. A few weeks ago the theme was Home Alone. The first story of home alone is what has been bumping around in my head for the past couple of weeks.
Mary Ann was an older lady who lived and ultimately died, alone, in L.A. It turns out that the L.A. Police dept. has a unit of people to look into and find relatives. There was nothing.... no one. Eventually they found a nephew. Mary Ann's cremated remains were eventually buried in a grave with a bunch of other, over 300, unclaimed people over 10 years.
This, along with my mother dying from cancer, got me thinking about my solitary life. We live in a world built for couples. Unlike Mary Ann though, I do have family that would claim me. It would be a short search to find them. But that's not the issue. The real issue is how long would it take for somebody to realize I was dead?
My neighbors know me. I'm the guy that gives gifts of bread and cookies every fall to the houses around me. I like to cook and I couldn't possibly eat it all. They know my snazzy little car. They appreciate when I walk over to say the party is a bit too loud instead of calling the police. Sometimes I even hangout and have a beer with them. I'm pretty sure I'm well liked and respected. BUT..... It is not uncommon for me to go several days, even a week with no meaningful, face to face, contact with other humans.
Yes, Of course, I leave the house. People see my body wondering about, but as an unemployed person, no body expects me to be anywhere, so I wouldn't be missed. I am in fact, invisible in our society.
I was born with a factory second body and have made my peace with death long ago. I don't fear it, but I don't think I want to die alone either, especially if I KNOW it's the end. Even as a Believer in Christ and life in Heaven where I know I will be better off. To die alone is a sad thing to have happen to anyone.
None of us knows when it's our time to go. So I've tried to quietly get my house in order, just in case.
If I do go alone and my organs spoil, I'm going to be really ticked! It may sound strange, but because of the aforementioned birth defect, I can't give blood, but I am proud to say I am an Organ Donor . I've been taking pretty good care of my body so somebody can have a good heart, or lungs, kidneys or liver. (I don't have a gall bladder or spleen anymore.) I want the doctors to take it all! Every time I see a blood drive advertisement I get a little sad, but take comfort in all the other cool stuff I get to share. Hopefully later than sooner for the record.
I will continue my quest for partnership, love, whatever may come .... But in the meantime, if you see me looking peeked, SEE ME. Make sure somebody gets my stuff!
(As an aside, if you're reading this and you're not an organ donor, please think about donating your organs. They might come in handy after you don't need them them anymore.)
Same place as usual, but can you see me?
I really like the radio program This American Life. This show is right up my alley for looking at normal everyday types of stuff in a different way. If you're not familiar with it, you ought to trying listening some time. Every week they take a theme and have 3-5 stories/essays on that theme. A few weeks ago the theme was Home Alone. The first story of home alone is what has been bumping around in my head for the past couple of weeks.
Mary Ann was an older lady who lived and ultimately died, alone, in L.A. It turns out that the L.A. Police dept. has a unit of people to look into and find relatives. There was nothing.... no one. Eventually they found a nephew. Mary Ann's cremated remains were eventually buried in a grave with a bunch of other, over 300, unclaimed people over 10 years.
This, along with my mother dying from cancer, got me thinking about my solitary life. We live in a world built for couples. Unlike Mary Ann though, I do have family that would claim me. It would be a short search to find them. But that's not the issue. The real issue is how long would it take for somebody to realize I was dead?
My neighbors know me. I'm the guy that gives gifts of bread and cookies every fall to the houses around me. I like to cook and I couldn't possibly eat it all. They know my snazzy little car. They appreciate when I walk over to say the party is a bit too loud instead of calling the police. Sometimes I even hangout and have a beer with them. I'm pretty sure I'm well liked and respected. BUT..... It is not uncommon for me to go several days, even a week with no meaningful, face to face, contact with other humans.
Yes, Of course, I leave the house. People see my body wondering about, but as an unemployed person, no body expects me to be anywhere, so I wouldn't be missed. I am in fact, invisible in our society.
I was born with a factory second body and have made my peace with death long ago. I don't fear it, but I don't think I want to die alone either, especially if I KNOW it's the end. Even as a Believer in Christ and life in Heaven where I know I will be better off. To die alone is a sad thing to have happen to anyone.
None of us knows when it's our time to go. So I've tried to quietly get my house in order, just in case.
If I do go alone and my organs spoil, I'm going to be really ticked! It may sound strange, but because of the aforementioned birth defect, I can't give blood, but I am proud to say I am an Organ Donor . I've been taking pretty good care of my body so somebody can have a good heart, or lungs, kidneys or liver. (I don't have a gall bladder or spleen anymore.) I want the doctors to take it all! Every time I see a blood drive advertisement I get a little sad, but take comfort in all the other cool stuff I get to share. Hopefully later than sooner for the record.
I will continue my quest for partnership, love, whatever may come .... But in the meantime, if you see me looking peeked, SEE ME. Make sure somebody gets my stuff!
(As an aside, if you're reading this and you're not an organ donor, please think about donating your organs. They might come in handy after you don't need them them anymore.)
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