Chinese Medicine is AWESOME!

Where in the World is D Today?

Marveling at Chinese Medicine.

Two weeks ago I suffered a leg injury at the gym. It wasn't hurt, it was INJURED. I could barely walk. The pain was unbearable when I did walk. I hurt it on a Thursday and after trying to take care of it myself for 4 days I conceded victory and was defeated by my body. On that following Sunday I asked my Chinese Teacher Mei-Ling, Zoe, to go with me to the doctor. Not wanting to waste a trip I mentioned my two hurting knees and a nagging shoulder injury from 2 months ago. What followed what followed was three days of accupunture, electricity, heat, some odd chiropractic and very smelly medicine.

My first visit was on a Monday the third on Wednesday. On Thursday, I was pain free! In the U.S. it would have taken 2-3 weeks to reach the same point of recovery. Chinese Medicine is the bomb! Yeah I said it. I'll say it again, It's the Bomb! LOL, but it's true. Here are some pics Mei-Ling took for me.

Darryl the Scizophrenic Panda 戴格智 精神分裂症大熊貓

Where in the World is D Today?

Trying to stay balanced in the off center situation that is my life. (I'm not really Scizophrenic, It is only a metaphor for what is to come as you read.)

Before I start, I have to throw a mad shout out to Lyn, Sean and Tim, henceforth know as Team Douglas. Without them I would have no chance at all at balance.

I am sitting on an outside patio at a tea shop near Starbucks. I think the temperature is about a million degrees. It’s just stupid crazy hot today. But, I’m in the shade and there’s a nice breeze so it ok. There’s a gazillion people in Starbucks so I needed to find someplace else to chill.

I’m trying to decide on writing bullet points or the usual narrative. Hmmm………. Ok Free-write stream of conscious it’s going to be. Hope you can understand my scattered brain-ness.

I have two lives. One life in U.S.A ........*Long Pause* I just got interrupted my a very nice older woman. She just came up and started looking over my shoulder at the computer. My response… Mmmm…. Hello?... One hour later, we just finished our conversation. Dang I forgot to get a picture! As I was saying…..

I have two lives. One life in the U.S.A and one in Taiwan. Life number one in the U.S.A. is taking it’s toll on me. Six months ago, I had planned to sell the house, but NOT right away. That time table has been moved to NOW not later. This is where the previous shout out comes in. I can’t manage this from Taiwan. I NEED the help of others. Sean, Tim and Lyn have been my A Team with Lyn as Captain. All the details are too difficult to explain here. But suffice it to say it’s a complicated process of phone calls and emails involving friends, family, bankers, lawyers, and a real estate agent, Alicia who will get a euber shout out if she can sell my house quickly without me losing a bunch of money. (It’s a really good house. Somebody go buy it! Right NOW! I don’t know if the power of suggestion works here, but it certainly can’t hurt.)

This move has caught us all off guard. Things happen in life. In my clear state of mind I will say simply ‘you play the cards you are dealt’. I might want an Ace of Diamonds, but I was dealt a 3 of Clubs. There is nothing I can do about it. I have to make the 3 of Clubs work until the next hand. I am able to stay clear in my head only with the love and support of others! And unlike a typical card game where you keep your cards hidden, I can show my cards to others and ask them what the best way is to make that crazy 3 of Clubs work when all the other cards are Diamonds. So lately there has been a lot of questions like that start, “What if…” or “Maybe we can…” and “But what about…” Then there is trying to anticipate the play of people at the table. “If I do ____, then maybe they will _____.

Caught unwittingly in the middle of this Tim. When the house is sold, he and I become in Homeless. That is not a good feeling. We have only talked about it in a superficial but usually practical way. BUT, my guess is this is having a profound emotional impact on him. I am sure it is on Sean. He has always been the most sensitive, in a good way, of the three of us. (Boys if you’re reading this, remember how much I love you and how we’ve always managed to get through before. And Tim, remember the Always Lasting promise I made when you were a baby.)

On to life number 2, Life in Taiwan… Life in Taiwan is generally good. I’ve made some good friends. I love the food and people in general. I have a job I like. I have a decent apartment in walking distance of my job. Really life is good here. So what else could I want? Hmmm What else could a SINGLE guy want? I’ll give you three guess’. No, Red Sox season tickets was a good guess, but the commute from Jhongli is too difficult. Try agan. No. A seemingly reasonable guess, but anyone who really knows me, knows it has NEVER been about ‘the booty’ for me. If it were just about sex, I could walk 5 minutes in any direction from my apartment and handle that. Try again, last chance. Yes! A girlfriend, and maybe that could lead to a good wife.

(I am opening up a generally very private part of my life. It’s a little scary. I’ve written a couple of paragraphs and this is getting long. So will finish in the next blog post. Look for something referencing lonely panda’s. I haven’t thought of a good title yet.)

Darryl the Lonely Panda 戴格智寂寞的熊貓

Where in the World is D Today?

Dying of Thirst While Standing in the Middle of a Stream.

If you are one of those people who will say, “just be patient.” I will tell you officially… SHUT UP. I have never remarried and quiet honestly have Not dated a tremendous about sense my divorce. It’s been a bunch of YEARS now. You could say I need to do several things, but, be patient ain’t one of them. I’ve been nothing if not patient.

Here’s part of my dilemma, I’m not getting any younger. Everyone I meet seems to be in their 20’s. When I point out this fact, I have often heard, “But you look so young! Age is not a problem here.” I will not disagree, put I view that optimism with a certain amount of skepticism. I will say for the record, there is absolutely nothing wrong with younger women, (or dating a younger man but this is specifically about me and a dating a man scenario is laugh out loud ridiculous. It’s NOT EVER gonna happen.) There may even be even some up sides. Nonetheless I worry about being perceived as a “Perv”.

The upside is lack of experience. I will define “lack of experience” as younger women in general, probably lack the years of disappointments and heartbreaks that inevitably come in every life. The short and less tactful way to put it is she’s not angry or jaded about men yet for doing her wrong time and time again. So she will see promise and hope in spite of the age difference.

The down side is lack of experience. I’ve already gone through the phases of life every twenty-something or thirty-something person will inevitably face. It’s an advantage for them, but I could see possible frustration on my side of equation. But I don’t know if it is any different other conflicts and differences in any relationship.

I can give any woman, but in this case a younger woman, almost quite literally everything she wants. I have a good secure job. I’m faithful, funny and devoted. I don’t know if I’m the cutest guy, but I definitely know I’m not the ugliest. I’m learning Chinese so in time language as a barrier becomes much less an issue. Here is the one thing that is possibly, and likely, a deal breaker. I can give her everything she wants except babies. I had a operation 20 years ago to become sterile. I thought I would be married to my wife forever and we didn’t want any more kids. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Ooops! I joke about it, but it was a good logical decision at the time. I had not reason to believe things would go the way they did. I am peaceful about the decision. But the fact remains, I’m sterile and there’s no going back. And I really don’t think I want to. Actually, I’m quite sure of it. So what’s a Good Man to do?!

Would I like to date an older woman? Of course! I’m not only looking for young women. Cut me some slack. But I don’t ever meet older single women. They tend to be married which makes perfect sense. So…… as I said to Will once, I fish at the pond I’m standing in. This leaves me with a couple of options.

I stop fishing all together and make my peace with being single, forever…… NOPE, not an option. If I end up single, it won’t be from not trying. I am not built for forever solitude. I’m made for commitment.

I can continue doing what I’m doing and hope for the best. (What I’m doing is keeping my eyes open to all possibilities.)

I can hope a friend sets me up. They all tend to be younger, so I’m back at square one with younger women and I don’t think any of the friends I have would set me up.

And then there’s the, heaven forbid, Internet dating. Not thrilled about that possibility, but desperate times call for desperate measures! Haven’t decided to do it yet, but every night I go to bed alone, I think about it.

The bottom line is I’m lonely and want companionship. Not a friend! Friends can’t comfort you in the middle of the night when you have a bad dream. They don’t hold your hand when watching a movie or walking down the street. Friends don’t give you that special look that says, “I really, really like YOU.”

Is it wrong for me to want more? To expect more? I don’t think so. I have great friends in America and Taiwan. I have two wonderful children. I have a very good life. I am richly blessed. But the fact is, I am traveling through life alone. It doesn’t feel very good.

I’m not going through some type of mid-life crisis, or “searching” for myself. I like who I am. I am a GOOD man with a big heart. I am not looking to be completed or fulfilled by another person. I’ve learned in life, that one person cannot complete or fulfill another. Here’s what we can do: We can love, support, nurture, cry, laugh, dance, learn and giggle with. We help them carry some of the excess baggage life hands us. And you know what, that’s a good thing.

I want that with somebody.

Peace 戴格智

Trying to Find Something To Smile About

Where in the World is D?

Just like the title says, "Trying to find something to smile about."

If you read down a little further you will come to two blog entries where ..... hmmmm, life isn't going so well for me. I am trying to be more "OPEN" with my feelings and thoughts on my blog. So now readers are getting a little closer look inside my head. Scary isn't it!

But I don't like being a downer all the time, so I try to find ways to lighten up the my writing. So in the quest to find something to smile about I offer up these two events today.

The first happened at "the breakfast shop" I can't tell you the name, but many people know it. It is near Starbucks and the gym. I go to this shop 3-4 time a week for dinner or to buy breakfast for the next day. I try very hard to speak Chinese, and they are very patient with me. Tonight, the lady that works there was making fun of me because I say "yes" to every thing she said. Tomorrow I will surprise her and say "OK" to everything. Just to mix it up.

The other thing that made me smile tonight was the teacher in the "Body Jam" class at gym. I met Hao Ting there. The instructor said hello, and I said to her jokingly, "How GAY is He?!" She said a little. HA calling him a little gay is like saying the Queen is a little British. He made fun of his English, of himself and others in class. It was fun! He even flirted with me during the class. In the U.S. it would have bothered me, but here it was SO over the top, I couldn't help but laugh with everyone else. I even thanked him for a good class at the end.

Laughter is good medicine. So is exercise. I laughed during an exercise class. I couldn't have asked for much more than that.

Peace

White People are at it Again. or America, the Ugly

Where is the World is D Today?

Trying not to HATE ALL White people. But they are making it really hard.
(If you are white and are easily offended by an angry Black man, stop reading now. Or if you want some insight as to why I'm angry, proceed knowing you've been warned.)

In my blog post America the Beautiful, I referred to the uncomfortable history The United States of America has with it's people of color, more specifically, Black People.

"White People are at it again", was in the message line I got from my son Tim a week ago. He wanted to tell me he had been attacked by two white men in a truck. He was on a bike. They called him several bad names, pursued him, and eventually ran him down! OK, white people give me a reason not to hate you?! This is my son in the year 2009. This is not turn of the century or the middle of the 20th Century, Civil Rights Movement America!...... not that it should make a difference.

I hate making generalization and typically do not. And if you know me at all, you KNOW this is NOT my usual language or behavior. But it is not ME you are messing with now. This is MY SON! I am angry on a level that you really can not understand. I've tried being calm about this, but where is the area for calm with something so senseless. There is no point that reasonable people of any race can conclude. The point is clear; We're white, there is a defenfeless Black man, let's hurt him.... just because we can.

I had a white friend ask me several years ago, "why are Black people angry all the time?" Because we have to put up with shit like this All the Damn Time!!! You try living your life trying to keep YOU happy. I don't think you will be happy until you TAKE everything.

Now, as I said in the beginning, I am trying hard NOT to hate all white people. I really am. I don't think it's a normal part of my mental and emotional make up. Feeling helpless in protecting my son drives me. Feeling annoyed that even in Taiwan, white people act superior. You're a foreigner too, and learn the language dammit! If you don't like to food or culture, go home! Stop complaining.

In the meantime, I will try to cool my jets. Remembering that I have some very dear friends in Shawn, Randy, David, Craig and the other Fantasy Football guys at DESE. There are others from Hickman High School and Columbia, MO... But the number of bad, goofy in the head, the south will rise again, Obama is a Socialist and not born in America, skin head and closet racist out there overwhelming out number the good honest respectful white folk.... It just gets really hard to tell the good guys from the bad guys. And when it involves my son, it is impossible.

To the good white folk, I know you're out there, I've met lots of you. Can you please tell your hateful white brethen to leave me and my family alone.

Earth Quakes are bad. Seriously... I mean BAD

Where in the World is D today?

Recovering from his first Earth Quake!

By Taiwan standards, they said it was small. By Columbia, MO standards is HUGE!

2:00 A.M. The whole world starts to shake and sway. This is a bad way to wake up. I live on the 14th floor. (I'm told this increases the effect by some measure.)

I don't know how long it went on officially, but it seemed an enternity.

My reactions, In the order I can recall them: Disorientation. Fear. Panic. Body Shaking. Vomit. Tears. Body Shaking. Breathing. Staring Outside. Staring at the Ceiling. Loneliness. Isolation. Waiting for Sunrise.

Give me a tornado ANY DAY! I understand tornado's. Earth Quakes are FUBAR.

(If you don't know FUBAR, send me an email and I'll explain it. There is a really bad word in this Acronym I don't want to use in public.)

America the Beautiful (Be sure and read it.)

OK, I hate blogspot again. As you scroll down, America the Beautiful should come before Did I just say that?!

They are separate entries, but if you've already read Did I say that, then you will miss America.

Just make sure you read America the Beautiful, Thanks. And check out the Ray Charles video too.