Putting On A Happy Face

02.21.2009 8:10 PM

Where In the World is D Today?

His Usual Haunts.



All of my blog entries up to this point have been pretty upbeat and positive. And honestly most my journey has been upbeat and positive. But there are times when I feel like I just landed from Mars, little antennas and all. I went and saw the movie He's Just Not That In To You today which didn't help my temperament at all.

I was Timmy a while today and I tried to explain how odd I feel. Taiwanese people are very friendly by and large. But they have this funny quirk in their collective psyche. They tend to be a fairly shy people and when they see a foreigner, especially me, the will smile, maybe wave, but if I wave back or say hi they laugh, especially girls. As I weren't VERY self-aware already I have to cope with this nervous laughter. It is just that a nervous laughter. Timmy and Shaq, I haven't introduced you to Shaq yet, have explained many times that people are NOT laughing at me, but they are, in fact, happy to have seen me.

I trust Shaq and Timmy without question. BUT........ Hmmmmmmm. This one of those things that is SO experience you just can't quite get it. I tried this analogy with Timmy today; Imagine yourself suddenly in a land where NOBODY not even one person looks like you. Then add you can't speak the language. Then add every time you make a friendly gesture such as a smile or a wave hello, the people in this new respond by laughing. How do you think you would feel? I didn't add this part, but add that I really hate going to my apartment. I would rather be almost anywhere in Taiwan than in a room with alone with my roommate.

Now having said that last bit, I DO NOT regret having made this trip. It is a wonderful blessing. I think I can be a good teacher to my students. I am building friendships. Some of which I think will last the rest of my life. But it doesn't change the fact that I am so very odd here in Taiwan. Timmy suggested that in time it won't bother me as much. I think that's probably true, but right now.... living in my skin can be, is, exhausting.

And yet I still love this skin, the color of deep,rich, mahogany; skin that is rich and yummy like hot cocoa. I have been defined by it at glance all my love. I embraced it in the States and I embrace it now. I knew I would be odd here, and I also knew I was thick skinned enough to endure and grow beyond the obvious barriers I might face.