Always tripping over my own two feet.

Where in the World is D today?

Under a huge metaphoric rock.

I love to dance. But sometimes I can't get out of my own way. Either my brain moves too fast, or not fast enough. Then my feet and body just don't know which way to go. The last few days have been like that for me.

A psychologist might say that we create the world or environment that we most care to be in. (I'm not a psychologist, but I'm not ashamed to say I've gotten counseling.) We desire the familiar, whether it's good for us or not. I've always thought that I was the exception to that rule. If you knew more of my history on the surface one might tend to agree. But this year has blown all the things I thought I knew about myself and the world to shreds. Even outside of this year I seem to keep finding myself in this a familiar spot.

Alone

The truly perplexing thing for me is I desire anything but being alone. So Why am I?

(One quick proviso:This is not just about male/female relationships in my life. It's about all relationships in my life.)

If I take the psychologist view. It's because there is something in me that chooses people who will ultimately leave. OR their is something in me that will inevitably push them away out of fear of getting hurt because I've been hurt before.

When I think about it, I think what's most true is I seem to get attached to people going through some transition in life. When they've made it through and are stronger they move on not fully realizing how much I need them now. And that's because I do this strange dance of trying to lift them and hide my own fears and self-doubts. And in that some strange combination of those two psychological factors kicks.

But hey, What do I know? I'm the one sitting here alone.