Thanksgiving and misgivings

Where in the World is D Today?

Contemplating the upcoming Holidays?

Don't quote me on this, but I think Thanksgiving is a uniquely American holiday; Though I think it tends to be filled with to many myths about early settlers and Indians. It is nonetheless a time of reflection for us all, or at least it should be.

When asked these days, "How's it going?", my typical response is, "I could get out of the bed today, so it's a good day." Some people don't get the profundity of that comment and others do. In short, I am truly grateful that I could physically get of the bed. There are many who couldn't today and won't be anytime soon. My expectations are pretty low these days. So being able to get out of bed is a big deal.

I DO want to be able to be more excited about the holidays, but early in life, my wiring got short circuited. So now I'm pretty much hard wired to be "low key" about the holidays. These days I lean towards being neutral. Which is a serious upgrade from the melancholy that has tended to be my motifs operand i. This is fine for me, but what about the kids? Really.

I worry how my generally low to flat demeanor has effected Sean and Tim. These are the finest young men around. (Said as a proud Papa!) And will be dads themselves someday. But.... As much as we may try to avoid it, we ultimately become our parents in some form. I want them to be able to feel, REALLY feel, the excitement and possibility this time of the year has to offer. In this, I'm a bad example. I tried hard, and succeeded by and large, to protect them from the violence and vicissitudes of life that I experienced growing up that so formed my thought processes. But I haven't been able to model the HOPE and JOY of the season. They've seen me groan about blatant commercialism of the holidays, etc., and thus they tend to groan about it too. I can see the pattern that has evolved, but what to do???? Will this become a repetitive cycle with them and their kids some day?

I am genuinely Thankful for good health and though I am unemployed, I have some money in the bank. I am SOOOOO blessed!! I know this! Just by simply getting out of the bed. I do believe in a Fake It Til You Make It philosophy in difficult times. But there are some things that one, Me, just can't fake very well.

What I need is for my inner voice to be able to scream, "DUDE! Let Mr. Curmudgeon go out and play!" Hmmm? It's not exactly the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, but it just might work.